ReHash #264

When it hog calling time in Nebraska!
When it hog calling time in Nebraska!
When it hog calling time in Nebraska!
When it hog calling time in Nebraska!
Does this sound vaguely familiar?

Gaining strength from the rain like the fragile flowers of Spring, the 20 or so hashers of IH3 struck forth from the crowded parking lot of the Ithaca High School and were instantly met with a hill which had no end. Skull and Ball Wrinkle powered up the hill due to their "spinach" which they drank from duct taped covered cans. It was clear to the assembled that excessive autohashing was performed during the climb through the graveyard so Vibrator and Double D were clubbed and added to the cemetery as permanent members. When those that completed the ascent were met with a back-check 10, the two hares were dug up and beaten again.

Up, down, and around the streets did the harriers trot until encountering a fairly nice downhill through the trees of a little old lady’s backyard. Narrowly escaping a broom to the head, Hot Lips made great haste down the road to Double D’s home for the first and only Hash Rest of the running intensive hash. As beer ran down the throats of many hashers like white water, others were occupied by playing with Double D’s 2 month old kittens which if ever encountered velcro, would never escape. After Jilly was forced to release one of the kittens, the fuzzy little felines were left behind as the harriers pressed onward to sights and lewdness that would soon find them. When its hog calling time in Nebraska!

Beside a golf course, and just shy of Stewart Park, Calvin Climax spurred on his brethren into a spontaneous shopping cart race which although had no determined winner did provide a spectacular accident. Toothy, with the speed of Ares (the God, not the K-car), was gaining strongly on her competitors, but in an attempt to rub Wet and Sticky from her path, inadvertently drove her cart and her charge, Ball Wrinkle, into the rough and delivered the poor father of two onto the ninth green.

The harriers bounced down a hidden trail and eventually made their way to Vibrator’s home, where, upon the cessation of running, many hashers found out that the weather was not altogether friendly. A goodly number of Bobbits including Jushad, Women There?, and Phil McKrackin emerged to the taunting of all those that survived the damp run. A sedate song session soon slipped south serving up a surly 15 minute roaring version of "When its hog calling time in Nebraska". This stirred fears in one hasher who shrieked something to the affect of ‘"You’ll scare all of the new women away!" To no one’s surprise, it was Women There? that received the down, down for speaking so in tune with his name. A special down down went to Compass for his surprise return to Ithaca.

As the ceremony began in earnest Double D could not imagine the volume of beer that would soon distend his belly. Penalized for improper use of e-mail, failure to invite all to a party, and drinking too slowly, the young hasher would soon find his firm feet to have the stability of Jell-O.

When the tip of Trojan’s frozen nose fell off, Vibrator decided to allow the belching mass into her home and awards continued. Broken Pole happened to take Humpback’s -OOPS sorry Mike, I mean Snugglebunny’s place for a side-side, though it was not a birthday for which Pole received his side-side. Driving to the hash, Pole noticed late the right turn that would lead him to the parking lot, so locked the brakes and slid sideways into the road until he read WRONG WAY out of his driver’s side window. What do you expect from an old New Jersey driver? An immediate (and brilliant if I might add) 180 was performed to right his wrong, but unfortunately this was observed by Banker Bill who likened the driving to something out of the Mavix TV series. Accepting his punishment Pole leaped (with a good degree of fear) into the Arms of Swing Low and Phil McKracken to drink his side-side. Butt Plug was the next to receive a side-side for completing his 33rd year though being heavier than Broken Pole, was nearly dropped but was saved just before he became intimate with the floor. Celebration ensued upon successful completion of the side-side and he was hoisted up to the ceiling where he took upon the appearance of Butt Plugangelo. Becky, McKracken, and SwingLow had a firm handle on Butt Plugs legs, but his torso dropped out and Butt Plug had to save himself from meeting the floor again.

Namings were performed but unfortunately, this author was too busy eating the birthday cake to hear what new appellations Banker Bill and others received. Unfortunately and much to the offense of poor Broken Pole’s delicate ears, he did hear the naming of Vibrator’s home, herein to be referred to as The Pink Pussy Palace, or as the author would prefer, P3. It is with this obscene reference, that Bubbles and Toothy forced me to write, that this author will sign off.

-Broken Pole