Category Archives: ReHash

IH3 Trail #782 Leap Year

2/28/16: Trail #782
Leap Year Hash
Hash cash was a low low price of $4
Hares
Nurse Takillya
Brown Hole Delivery
Hounds
Spluigi
Ookie Cookie
Spike
Corndog Millionaire
Debasement
Cold Cocked
Hot Lips
The Great Gashby
Layzher Pussy
Arachnoflobia
Porcelain Goddess
Master Baster
Shittalkie
Handy
Cocktail Frank
Shiggy Shaman
FertilizedHer
Trust Me it Won’t Spread
Butt Flossil
Kickstand
Dogs
Zephyr
The Wee Baby Shameless
Knightshade
Shiggy
Princess Pushface
Eleanor
Auto Hasher
Thank you cum again
It was a freakin’ gift of a day – the weather was so warm that most of us were in t-shirts and a smrt few were even wearing shorts. Trail confounded us right from the start. So many d’erections it could go from the boat house but after a few minutes the sound of Hot Lips horn called us to the right way to go. Over the inlet bridge and onto the new wooden platform we veered off to the left and along the trail through the bird sanctuary. The chalk marks were few and far between and nigh invisible but one of the hares assured us we were on the right track. Trotting along, we nearly missed a T scratched into the dirt. Ookie, Tasty and Cocktail Frank searched in vain for more than two marks to the left but ultimately, trail took us to the RR tracks (CHEW! CHEW!) and the underpass across from Ithaca High School. From here we ran along the natural path between the school and behind the former Fall Creek Cinema to emerge on Lake St. and cross over to Ithaca Falls. Muggles were out in abundance due to the lovely weather and we enjoyed our BN in full view of them and the falls. The raging water sent out a mist that actually felt refreshing at the end of February. Crazypants. The Wee Baby Shameless lived up to his name, greeting everyone and everydog, climbing and running and barking and enjoying himself to the fullest.
Leaving the falls, Kicky and Tasty fell for a X near the top of Gun Hill where Tasty unknowingly dropped her pouch containing her phone, ID and some cash. Other harriers searched for flour up the grassy slope behind the falls but ultimately, trail ran along the fence behind Fall Creek Elementary and Kicky and Tasty were able to shortcut down the stairs and meet up with the hounds below. A few blocks down Linn St, Tasty realized her whole life had fallen off the dog leash. Thankfully, Baster helped her retrace her steps and she found it (but had to run up Gun Hill twice, dammit!).
Trail once again fooled the hounds when we emerged at the intersection of Linn, University Ave and the base of the Cascadilla Gorge trail – Kicky disappeared up Dewitt Pl for several minutes searching for trail but it turned out to be a HV of the creek – in one side and out the other like a queue on a guided tour for prospective students.
Up and across skinny one-way Terrace Pl, a car stopped and waited for us to pass (thank you!) and we were falsely led behind The Rave for a P stop. Then an actual P stop happened IN The Rave for some of the Harriettes who decided to take advantage of a real toilet. Nurse, Tasty, Shiggy Shaman, Gashby and Shittalkie then proceeded to do some serious catching up and short cutting back to trail. We managed to relocate the pack as they were mostly cumming over the footbridge from Ferris Pl to Giles St.
From here it was pretty obvious where the next BN was going to be and we ran/walked/crawled along Giles St. to First Dam (which has a facebook page filled with pictures of college co-eds in bikinis, BTW). AKA Businessman’s Lunch. WTF? Fewer muggles were encountered here but we also lost some hashers as well – notably missing were Hot Lips (shocking!), FertilizedHer and Trust Me. At this point we still had CoCo – not sure when we lost him but I don’t think he made it to the next BN. It was your usual, boring, ugly, typically shitty BN where no one had any love or hugs or giant rocks or dogs running or rock throwing or orange food or laughing. We did learn why Baster was wearing a home-sewn shirt/dress that said OUT OF ORDER and had a ‘NO CHAIR!’ symbol on the front (apparently it was liberated from Regal Cinema the night we went to see Deadpool [best movie night EVARRR]), Cocktail Frank was wearing an electronic toy guitar at this point and also [F]loss got a special beverage in the form of a Ithaca Root Beer since his fanny pack (see what I did there) was pumping him full of all the drugs he could handle at once and still remain standing. <3 Love you, Flossie – you’re doing great! <3
After we finished up our beverages, we climbed back out of the gorge and found a –///—> directly across the street, leading us behind the water treatment plant. Finding an adorable trail back there was a nice surprise with cascading streams and led us up to the South Hill Rec Way. Finding ourselves on a flat cinder path, the FRBs quickly raced ahead and found trail to go over and across and behind and down to the police station. Luckily, Tasty had stolen Handy’s dog, Ellie so there were enough hashers to do the checks counting two dogs. Kicky, Spike, CoCo, Spluigi, Shiggy Shaman, Ookie, Tasty and Two Dogs found their way to the Group Hug check behind Urban Outfitters next to the statue of Maturin.
“See the Turtle of Enormous Girth”
“On his shell he holds the Earth.”
“His thought is slow, but always kind.”
“He holds us all within his mind.”
“On his back all vows are made;”
“He sees the truth but mayn’t aid.”
“He loves the land and loves the sea,”
“And even loves a child like me.
-Stephen King
When the rest of the pack came along behind, they also partook in a group hug, because dammit hugs are nice.
The FRBs had moved on by then, however and had crossed under the parking garage past Cinemopolis when they saw a curved mark that made no sense from the d’erection they had approached it. This gave them pause. Using their half-minds, they reasoned out that they must have missed something (like maybe a BN!) and decided to retrace their steps so as to not miss anything good. Lo and behold, at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the parking garage they found a much-stepped upon teeny tiny true trail arrow. Following marks all the way up to the roof and hoping that it would not just lead them right back down the other side where they had already seen trail marks, they got to the top and saw Auto-hasher TYCA sitting there with a cooler of beer. Woo hoo! Following trail pays off. Sometimes. Catching the last bits of full sunlight, we lounged about on top of the world with hungry dogs, tired legs and and two young female muggles having a photo shoot.
Forgetting that trail had started from Stewart Park and not The Rave and considering that we had already run nearly six miles, Tasty was slightly confused when trail then led the pack through the Commons (illegal dogs! string band! muggles galore!) toward Cayuga St. and down the road to Thompson Park (yes, it has a name). Here we found Uranus. There was a check here with a ‘shapely bottom’ drawn in the middle of it. A Floss check, we were told. What exactly we were supposed to do with it, no one knew. We ran into a friendly muggle named Tomas that we all know from one of our favorite tequila joints and stopped to say hello to him and the cute baby he was toddling around with.
Coursing down Willow Ave and arriving at the end where it turns into Lincoln St., PG stopped for a pee break in the sparse bushes surrounding Cornell Cooperative Extension where she attempted to write ‘Hi CC!’ in urine. Not sure how that worked out for her since the Wee Baby Shameless absolutely refused to allow for any stopping unless it was on his own terms. Crossing Route 13 near the Haunt, Tasty finally remembered that we had started from Stewart Park. I don’t think she’s very bright – good thing she’s pretty.
We travelled On-In to discover that Cocktail Frank had taken off to avoid Circle but, before he left, he told TYCA that he had clocked our trail at around 8 miles. Damn. Over-achieving hares! Well, who could blame them for wanting to take full advantage of the amazing weather? The answer is… We did. Down downs were well-administered for the twin-kilt-wearing bastards.
Other down downs were given to Handy for r*cist activity who then put on trail trash underpants (ewwwww) and the Sleeve of Shame was given to Flobie but I don’t remember why. FRBs, DFLs, dog owners, and a special ‘leap to the moon’ pin was given out to Tasty because her kennel loves her. <3
On-historyiswrittenbythescribes-On!

IH3 Trail #756 Power of the Pussy

6/7/15: Trail #756
POWER OF THE PUSSY REHASH!
Monkey Run

Hares:
PG
Flowbie
LayzHer

Hounds:
Ookie Cookie
Master Baster
Nurse TaKillya
Tastes Like 10th Grade
Spike
Kickstand
Debasement
Flesh Flaps
Virgin Johnny
Crimes Against Huge Mammaries
Man-O-Whore
Women There
Capt. Slimey
Just Katie with Log Gobbler the wonder pooch
Munchbox
Head to Toe In Utero
Just Daisy
PackNPenis
Handy
Just Martin
Hot Smegma
Butt Floss
Thank You Puke Again

Could we just have a hash where nothing exciting happens? These rehashes are turning into epics! So much awesomeness happened and now my fingers are going to be sore. Wait. What?

So for starters, this was LayzHer Pussy’s first lay and she totally rocked it. The three hares were decked out stem to stern in fabulous pussy gear and handed out laminated Power of the Pussy tags that had Life Saver lollipops adhered over a cat’s ass with a dab of chocolate. Gross, yet genius. Evil Genius. Trail was over familiar Monkey Run terrain with trail starting from the oft-abused porking lot of our Grand Mattress-on-bottom.

Secondly, this hash doubled as a Farewell-to-Ithaca send-off for our beloved fiends, Crimes Against Huge Mammaries and Man O’ Whore. They are off to the wilds of Denver, CO and we can’t wait to road whore to see them when they are settled. Good Luck in your new jobs and home, Crimes and MOW! We love you!

Thirdly, there was an unprecedented number of cums-late-late-latelies, as in; wankers I’ve never even met before who had NAMES, new baby-daddies and family members. Women There arrived with his son, Captain Slimey, who had been named when he was only 6 years old and was now a teenager. Also in the “we’ve never met” category was Munchbox, who I may still have never met because I kept seeing this guy waaaaay up ahead of me in yellow shirt and kept asking the people around me, “who is that?”. He claimed to have been at PG and Baster’s wedding the previous year but I’m not so sure. I need photographic evidence or it didn’t happen.
New papa 4% Erectus made a triumphant return after 19 months of what I’m assuming was just complete sobriety raising his child during those formative months until it could be released into the wild to find a mate and raise a family of its own. That’s how it works, right? With the Cro-Magnons? Right? Get it? Oh, nevermind…
Hot Shmegma also graced us with his presence after a long absence. The last time we saw him may have been the last time he saw pussy since he was having difficulty remembering what one looks like.
And as for family-that-hashes-together; Virgin Johnny (Commando Cobbler’s brother) was brought by Fleshy and Just Martin came, who happens to be Master Baster’s brother. Our resident twins were also present — Nurse and Head.
We had some over-achieving by Nurse, Tasty and Baster who ran from downtown uphill to the start of trail. It was also Tasty’s 4th Hashiversary.
Some things that happened;
-Flobie got poison ivy on her inner thighs (Sooo murky!)
-The Flambongo returned sans spiders and was much enjoyed
-During BN#1 we filled out slips of paper with our favorite pussy memory. This occurred in the yard of PG and Baster’s friend.
-Apparently there was a shot check at the edge of the creek with Jello shots but I’ll be damned if I can remember anything about it.
-At BN#2, while swimming around near the rusted out bridge trestle, the Fall Creek Floaters came tubing past and we sang for them and Layzer threw the leader a cold beverage. Baster decorated the I beams of the old bridge with penises that turned out to be the IH3 logo and Nurse performed Hashbaptisms on TYCA, Just Daisy and Virgin Johnny. This was just after we saw TYCA ‘floating’ (we were convinced he was quietly drowning).

-It was just before BN#3 that we lost 4% Erectus and CC to their families. This BN had an improvised table, thanks to Debasement and Ookie, made from a stump and an old metal outdoor table top. It was placed in front of the flat screen hash TV. During this BN is when we read the pussy memory slips and tried to guess who had which memory. We kinda sucked at this game.

During trail, Virgin Johnny was wearing some sort of real animal tail (fox? coyote?) and Tasty found the tip lying in the dirt and picked it up. She then made lots of ‘just the tip’ jokes for the rest of the afternoon. Tasty also picked up Brownie’s Garmin after Nurse threw it to shore. There was definitely a lost property charge made of that after Brownie went all the way back to the BN to find it.

Some Side-Sides were given during circle to Virgin Johnny and Crimes for the offense of growing another year older and V. Johnny was given his in the flabongo.
Handy challenged the pussies in circle with her disco dick that she hand-mirrored perfectly.
Tasty took off her pants to do the sleeve of shame and was awarded the Boston M*rathon over-achievement shirt.
Crimes and MOW were also given a shirt signed by everyone as a going-away present.
During On-After, we gathered around the campfire with sticks (some of which were pretty small and limp) to roast wieners and marshmallows. The rolls ran out and Floss ate his wiener on graham crackers.

And to cap it all off, Just Sherry got a speeding ticket on her way home and the police officer asked her what was written on her back windshield. Nurse had scribbled, “Follow me to the On-In” in window marker there. Um, officer, I don’t know what that means?!?

On-runmonkeyrun-On!

IH3 Trail #755 Mammorial Day

5/24/15: Trail #755
REHASH FOR MAMMORIAL DAY !!
Fingerlakes National Forest

Hare: Nurse TaKillya

Hounds:

Handy w/Ellie
One Trick Dick
Deer Near
Ookie Cookie
Altered Boy
Robin Wood
St. Nipplezzz
Tastes Like 10th Grade
Butt Floss w/Phoenix
Spike
Just Stephanie

Brown Hole Delivery w/Shiggy

Kickstand

Never Leave Camp:
Dunga The Blumpkin King
WowMomWow w/Jack

First of all, let me just say it now – All hash runs ought to have a camping option. This was just soooooo much fun. Being that it was Mammorial Day, only those of us who need to get a life were there from IH3 and we were nearly outnumbered by visitors. This was totally awesome, by the way – hanging out with Robin Wood and St. Nipplezzz and getting to know them better, meeting the very adventurous Altered Boy and Just Stephanie, and of course (can I really say that OTD is a visitor at this point? He’s absolutely the biggest road whore I’ve ever met…) OTD and the lovely Deer Near pleasured us with their presence.
Nurse TaKillya set a very audacious trail all by her lonesome in the Fingerlakes National Forest and we didn’t even get lost for a second. Of course, the Turkey/Eagle split was due to an aborted attempt at trail that ended up being too shiggy for the masses. This scribe is pretty sure some Eagles are still bearing the scars of wild roses and the fragrance from the Bog of Eternal Stench. We are lucky to still own both sneakers in the pair we were wearing and not have left one in the sucking mud. Let me point out that the Eagles also got NOTHING for their efforts – no shot check, no BN, no hand jobs. WTF, Hare?!?
The day was perfect, weather you dream of in Upstate NY – we bounded along the open field across from Camp GoodBeer, a fast section of trail in the beginning that made you glad to be alive, in the woods, with friends, and going slightly downhill. No cows in sight (yet). Yay! Downhill! No Cows!
There were Boob checks (Handy and Tasty showed their ta-tas to Kicky) and Dick checks (Thanks, Spike!) and song checks (Altered Boy sang My Girl’s a Vegetable – good choice, we don’t really do that one in Ithaca).

Before we even found a BN we came to a shot check with *delicious* Cuervo Gold Margarita waiting for us on the side of a road. It was decided that we should just throw the cap away. We managed to save some for the DFLs, but it was a close thing. We were very thirsty.
The first BN was discovered up a stream at the bottom of a steep gorge. The rocks were VERY slippery and blocked in many areas by dead fall but everyone with their different abilities and different footwear managed to avoid any hash crashes and made it safely to a sweet little spot where Spike noticed Jack in the Pulpits growing and beautiful mosses and ferns for the dogs to go wild stomping about on. Floss used this opportunity to catch up on some of his work load and social media. We discovered that Robin Wood was very *hip* and that Just Stephanie is quite nimble.

There were a couple of J Hooks on trail – Kicky found one and ran back to OTD, Ookie found another and had to run it back to Floss (who was still on his phone).

At the 2nd BN near the Blueberry Patch Campground along a path between a cow pasture and the forest, Nurse shocked us with the information that this was a Zombie Trail. The rest of trail was now live. Handy found a skull and we debated what it could possibly be.

Spike said, “It’s not a deer, it’s cool.”

Well, after securing her new friend, Mystery Skull, Handy took off like a shot to chase down the hare with Tasty, Kicky, Spike, Altered Boy and Ookie cumming quickly right behind. Ookie rabbited himself into the FRB position and almost immediately ran into a third J hook, much to Tasty’s relief. Seeing as the DFLs were not far behind, he quickly rejoined the pack chasing down the hare. Nurse had a few beers and more shots up her sleeve, and so knowing that we were right on her tail, she started ejecting booze left and right, shedding excess weight and slowing us down. We choked down peach flavored shots and warm foamy beers as fast as we could but we did not catch that wily hare.

At the 3rd BN we realized that we were literally just one campsite down the road from ON-IN so after everyone caught up, we grabbed beers and walked down the road.

Upon arriving back to camp, we found Dunga the Blumpkin King waiting with sheet pizzas and Wowie and Jack who were Never Leave Camp.

Since our RA was was M.I.A, along with both GMs (top and bottom!), we had a special guest star lead circle! Wowie stepped up and conducted circle, OTD provided songs whenever dead air threatened, and no one walked away with dry lips. In fact, almost no one walked away at all. Handy and Ellie went home and so did Spike because somehow he missed the memo that we were all camping (oh, Spikey…) but the rest of us stayed and enjoyed a campfire and stars and cows (who came to check us out, but not too close) who cum when you call caaaaa-oooooo! caaaaa-oooooo! They also run away when you yell this. Tasty kept trying to get people to visit the cabin in the woods. Everyone laughed. A lot.

Floss slept in his car. The End.