ReHash #263

Rehash 4/12/98 “Hash? . . . What Hash?

It was late in the week that Austin Powers came to the assistance of Broken Pole and volunteered as co-hare, and in a great rush, the location of Upper Buttermilk Falls was decided upon to be the unfortunate piece of ground that would play host to 80 trodding and probably drunk feet for IH3’s 1998 Easter Celebration. Anyone expecting a normal hash would be sorely disappointed at the realization that there would be little to no running and it was Broken Pole who took the blame. Though the rebellion was short of scenes described by Mary Shelly, some disgruntled hashers, with pitchforks in hand, were heard to complain about the brevity of the hash. The hares paid no mind to such complaints observing that Easter Sunday is a day to break tradition, and simply get to the beer drinking as soon as possible.

With the sun baking the 12 pack of Ball Wrinkle’s alcoholic contribution, which Shiner termed Swillwaukee’s Best, Bam Bam released his poetic art, welcomed all to the hash, and let forth onto Buttermilk the ensemble eager to taste the products of over-active yeast. It was not long before their desires were met with satisfaction as the Easter bunny trail was marked with beer, cider, hooch, in addition to the usual flour. Clambering up a hill, Humpback (Snugglebunny) led Klinger and other front seeking bastards, and with nose to the ground like a pig in search of truffles, Snugglebunny was the first to find a sunbathing beer, and with great celebration, he held said beer on high and taunted all others who were envious of his routing ability. The beer hounds then spread out and shouts of On-On! Beer! and No one even consider touching that beer because I was the first one to see it! were heard at all corners of the park.

Snugglebunny again was the first to uncover a more traditional treat as he rushed toward a painted egg, and much to his excitement found it to be the life cycle, sex and violence egg of his own creation! Double D also wore sharp eyes for the hash and had to give away his finds as his arms became too full. The full arms had nothing to do with treats, but more to do with the nudist he found bathing. The poor suckers who climbed the hill missed out on the gold mine of candies, eggs, and beer that Snugglebunny, Skull, Vibrator, Jushad, and Double D carried out of the woods with them. It was the disgruntled hill climbers that voiced frustration upon learning that it was in their future to climb once again. Fork Me stated that all treats on the slope were already in the hands and mouths of other hashers, but Skull and Austin emerged from the woods with big smiles on. They also found the mother load of candy, eggs and beer which they distributed with Santa Clausian efficiency to all those assembled at the On-In.

A notable absentee was Mike Black who many were hoping to see to bestow upon him a name that would reflect his artistic representation of a birthday greeting Saturday, which involved leaping from a box wearing no more than Oral-B’s underwear. While the hashers were ready to perform a naming, they had to be satisfied with the ordinary. But ordinary is a term that like all others is a relative, and in IH3, ordinary often involves calls the fire department." There was humpback trying his best to remove Broken Pole’s pants, but the winner was Austin who did a roaring rendition of what this author believes he termed "Rebecca the Stripper" as he prepared to don the Hashit. The reflection off of the bare chest of the slim Scot was enough to burn out the retina of many a hasher, and it was only Hungman’s quick move to throw on his Blublockers, that saved him from blindness.

-Broken Pole