Without my uncontested moderation and immense common sense the hash went to pieces this weekend. Immoderation’ insobriety, and nakedness prevailed resulting in 3 ankles that will never be the same and the mysterious disappearance of one car. I feel NEEDED!
The hashers arrived at Connecticut Hill on a beautiful afternoon eager to hash their little hearts out, but were stalled by Bubbles S L O W explanation of various intricacies of this hash. Poor planning on the part of Bubbles and False Erection had caused False Erection to be setting the end of the hash while Bubbles stalled for time. Finally False Erection showed up and the hash got underway. The first hash crash (of many this week) went to Bam Bam who was doing the forbidden R word with Wet and Sticky in the attempt to beat him to the X at a false. Why were they r—ing to the X? Bubbles and False Erection were trying to lure people down falses by leaving little goodies at the X. Did he fall, or did Wily and Sneaky trip him in his eagerness to get to the tongue filled with candy that awaited them at the false??? This bribery did nothing to stop Trojan from ignoring all markings and running wherever he thought the hash was going…accurately (speculation).
(When it’s hog calling time in Nebraska…)
Another hash crash went to JuSHAD who, caught up in the thrill of the hash, ran into an inconveniently placed branch – I will simply say that JuSHAD deserves the almost Bobbit award this week. As the hash came round the corner Toothy was seen checking out "the remains" as it were. I am left to assume that there was enough remaining because Jushad spent the rest of the hash rearranging himself in the attempt to alleviate some pain. After his little run in with the branch he explained to all the hashers in some detail WHY he didnt see the branch, WHAT it was he was thinking about rather than the branch, the specifics of how it felt until Toothy was good enough to shut him up (speculation). At some point Black Hole also managed to sprain his ankle.
The end of the hash, set in a panic by False Erection, was lacking in falses, y’s, checks, or anything besides strait little flour marks for (what I have been told) seemed like eternity. Although there were no check points, False Erection ran up and down all the steep, muddy side trails trying to lure hashers up miserable hills (speculation). This monotony was broken up by Captain Weeney and Hotter Legs finally catching up with the hash (speculation).
(When it’s sheep shearing time in Wyoming…)
At the ON IN we managed to consume 1/2 keg of beer for a not so huge turn out of hashers – thus the nakedness and revelry that followed. Gi was named Mighty Blow for his impressive lung capacity. RRrrraallphh tried to -earn herself a new, more disgusting hash name (Butt Plug being one of her favorites). I am sure whoever had to clean up the source of her current name felt that it was PLENTY disgusting. Chris got to shoot the boot from her sparkling clean new shoes. Bummer to have the guy who sells us our shoes at the hash to point them out to Bam Bam. Butt Plug gave the Hashit to Black Hole, but before he gave it away he was forced to do YET ANOTHER DOWN DOWN out of the enormous Hashit mug (speculation).Throughout the ON IN Skull disrupted the proceedings and distracted from Bam Bam’s leadership by singing annoying farm animal songs (When its sheep shearing time in Nebraska). Post ON IN everybody got naked and wrestled in a field – or so I was told. Vibrator (who couldnt run the hash due to a drunken volleyball injury from the night before) decided to share her misery and broke False Erections ankle during a little wrestling match. The hashers, filled with pity and the desire to help, took him to the Chariot before inflicting on him the horrors of a doctors office. The wood fairy made a premature appearance this week but was forced to leap over an empty keg of beer in luei of an open fire. Skull lacked the magic it takes to be the wood fairy because while the wood fairy flitted agily over insurmountable objects, Skull found the keg tap to be rather inconveniently placed (it looks like Jushad and Skull are phalically challenged now). He claims it didnt hurt, but he didnt try again. Hotter Legs took advantage of the mass nakedness to do a circumcision inspection and I even hear she was handling a few. I dont know if she thought there was some kind of textural difference that wasn’t visibly obvious (was there?). Weeney followed her around, begging her to touch his rather than theirs (speculation).
The hash ended with Vibrator driving her car off the road on the way home. When she and Bam Bam went to retrieve it the next day it had DISAPPEARED mysteriously into thin air. Our first hash fatality.
I have been asked to include movie reviews as a regular part of the rehash again. unfortunatly the only movie I have seen recently was when my housemate rented the totally vaccuous "Bye Bye Love". It is about three EXTRODINARILY sensitive divorced men of the 90’s. They care (deeply) about eachother and do a lot of hugging and bonding. Sure, one guy sleeps around a bit, but in the end he realized his error and apologizes to everyone he may have hurt (because he CARES about their feelings).
The Hairy rating scale:
funny lines: 5
sappy moments: 10+
good plot: 1
attractive men: 6