ReHash #170

Hashers,

Any hash held on a 70 degree sunny March day in Ithaca has to be a good hash, and this one was. As many people know, the hashes have been starting at 2 but there has been some talk (which I support) about switching the hash back to 3. Last Sunday we compromised and finally started running at 2:30, when Homoses showed up. We couldnt start a hash without Homoses babbling to us about how to run one – someone may not wait for 5 people at a check point or something equally tragic. We all ran with fear in our hearts, however, because Toothy Lunker – hash beer – had not shown up yet. Sure, she was talking about coming, but WHERE WAS THE BEER? That’s what we wanted to know. So with a feeling of dread we ran up the hill, doomed to run a hash with no beer at the end. Fortunately, about half an hour in to the hash who came bounding up behind us but Toothy herself. She was greeted by a rousing chorus of "the beer is here!" To celebrate her arrival she and Homoses promptly undressed and traded shirts. I just said hi. Homoses had taken it upon himself to wear the brand new, pristine and fashionably coloured Hashit which rightfully belonged to Toothy.

The entire hash, from beginning to end, consisted of running strait up muddy slopes then sliding down the muddy, snowy slope on the other side. These muddy slopes created some footing problems for some people including Debbie who managed to loose a shoe in a puddle. Most of us tied our shoes before we started running. Skull showed even more talent when he complained of ice IN his shoe. You would think that someone who is actually in the business of selling shoes would know all about how to tie them on tight enough to keep out ice.

Our devious hares False Erection and Heinous managed to trick us into a long, uphill climb that ended up being an loop bringing us right back to the nice flat spot where we started. We stood there waiting for other people to check out the trail and we heard two independent cries of ON ON. One flat, the other up. when Heinous ran up the hill we all ignored the tempting flat direction and blindly followed his lead. We arrived back at the same spot a few minutes later NOT VERY HAPPY WITH THE HARES! I speak only for myself, of course.

Many acts of immaturity and stupidity were honoured at the ON IN, but mainly Homoses made himself drink. It would be impossible to list all the things Homoses had to drink for. He drank so much he had to get a ride to the after hash bar-b-que (where he drank more beer).

The after hash bar-b-q was a very lucrative affair and I would like to invite the hash back to my house any time they feel like leaving behind that many gifts. Most people feel that flowers or wine are a good way to thank a hostess but I am not picky. If people want to leave me food, ace bandages, two new containers of mustard, and $50 (thank you hash cash, I appreciate it) I won’t complain. In the future I would like to suggest that I have a lot of mustard now, but I am always willing to accept any chocolate you would like to leave behind. At the party many hashers displayed their drawing ability (or inability) in a rousing game of pictionary. The game was undoubtably won by the champions Bam Bam and myself, but since RRRRaaaaallfff was so eager to play in the first place it seemed only fair to actually let her FEEL like she won. After all, she was saddled with False Erection who didnt understand half the words he was supposed to draw. Bam Bam and I are quite generous. We also let subbles and Homoses catch up a bit, just so they could feel good.

Receding Hare Line: I know that the next hares are NOT the last hares, but I dont remember who they are. I also forget where we are meeting.

until the next hash,

Hairy Vetch