Many of us were told that the hash would start at 2:45 last week. I am not sure why because the hash had agreed on 2 as a starting time and we actually ran at 2:30 – neither of which is 2:45. Those of us misguided enough to show up around 2 congregated in a very windy parking lot at pyramid mall and huddled. Snip Snip (returning from Africa) and I had what we thought was a stroke of brilliance and laid down on the warm, black asphalt in the middle of the parking lot where the wind was a bit less biting and we could absorb some sun. Aside from a few passing cars this plan was succeeding brilliantly until out of the blue Bam Bam yelled ..HEADS!. and a few seconds later I was hit in the head by a rugby ball. I always thought that "heads" meant "iwatch out", or "duck". I never thought it literally meant "a ball is now being aimed at your head", but what do I know about rugby? As I lay there holding my stinging head I saw through watery eyes the upside down heads of Bam Bam and Dishonorable looking guilty? no, horror stricken? no – amused. Before Dishonorable could apologize Bam Bam counseled him to make sure I didntt have any special awards to give away. I didnt, but someday soon I will…
The hash started ominously with Black Hole asking if any of us were claustrophobic. A more pertinent question for one part of the hash would have been to ask if any of us were afraid of heights. We also learned several new (invented?) hash marks which were attributed to Gernany but seemed to be an excuse for the hares Black Hole and Skull to do whatever they wanted and not have to count. We were assured that the multi-branching structures were legal somewhere in HASHdom, if not very easy to follow. With these words of wisdom from Black Hole we set off.
We had a few BLABs this week. Bubbles drove up as we were running away from the parking lot – he showed up a few minutes later running in TEVAs. Road Kill caught up with us farther into the HASH. At about the time these two were catching up with us we saw the last of Prickless. Where she went, nobody knows. All we do know is that she staggered up to the ON IN with Captain Weeney about half an hour after we had finishd running. They both looked MIGHTY tired…
Early in the HASH we ran through a field by a large and not very happy dog being held back by a very small child. It wasn’t on a leash, it was much larger than the child, and it wanted to kill somebody. Through sheer luck the child prevailed and the dog didnt get to satisfy it’s bloodlust. We ended up in a big field of "interconnected y’s" as the hares called it. Unfortunately most of the Y’s weren’t visible in the tall grass, there were no X’s and the hares CERTAINLY didnt bother counting to three. Finally Black Hole told us we had missed one very important (and invisible) Y and we were set back on the right track. This led us over hill and dale to a little park with a stunning vista of the lake. In this park was another series of "interconnecting Y’s" which most of us were smart enough to ignore. We admired the lovely view and waited until the hares pointed out the right way to go. As we were leaving the park I discoverd the new head protection award in the form of a plastic cowboy hat which I very appropiately gave to Dishonorable to thank him for my still stinqinq head. He sauntered around in it for a few moments and promptly lost it.
We soon discovered the reason for the claustrophobia question. The trail led us to a sheer cliff, across which we could see a large arrow pointing into a pipe. This is where the fear of hights question would have been appropriate. The hares argued for a while over the best strategy for descending the cliff and we all slid, fell, or rolled as best we could to the bottom. The pipe had several inches of mucky water running through it which was, I am sure, quite a challenge for Road Kill to get through. He did appear on the other side with clean, dry shoes however.
We came out of the woods within sight of the mall and the hares had to work very hard to convince us to follow the trail AWAY from the beer. Skull stood between us and the beer, risking life and limb, yelling "the trail goes RIGHT!" until he had all of us ignoring our hashing instincts and going right. This turned out to be a bad move on our part because we were running through endless housing developments with interconnecting roads and hash marks going in all directions. Deb and I spotted Toothy shortcutting back to the mall so we put ourselves in charge of tracking her down and bringing her to justice (or, justified short cutting). The other hashers followed endless loops and "interconnecting Y’S" until they all gave up and followed out lead back to the beer.
When we got back to the cars we noticed that Captain Weeney had shown up, but he was nowhere to be found. We got the beer and wandered around in the woods behind the mall until we found the single coldest, shadiest spot in which to pour beer all over ourselves. At the ON IN many were honoured, but Dishonorable was honoured more than any other. He was honoured for shortcutting, trying to kill his fellow hashers (me), for losing the head protection award, and for a murky moment with Toothy along with a variety of other deeds. This murky moment was given out before the more deserving Prickless and Weeney staggered out of the woods together. Misstep was fool enough to wear new shoes – she paid for it while Snip Snip stood in the back cringing with distaste at shooting the boot. Bubbles was spied cutting through the mall on the way back to the cars, but in the end most of the HASH drank for mall running. Including Deb who I personally ran around the mall with. We had one naming – Earl was named Just Shut Up and Drink, a name which needs no explaination. The shortened version of the name is JuSHAD.
For once I did actually pay attention to the receding hare line, but I dont think any agreement was reached at the HASH. Chrystal volunteered to help False Erection, but he had some excuse about wanting to run a race that morning. So it will be Chrystal and some other hasher at Quarry road at 3. If False Erection is really not able to set this HASH then we will need some nice person to help Chrystal next week.