Porcelain Goddess indoctrinated Thank You, Cum Again into the ignominious circle of half-minds who have laid flour for our pleasure on this day. And what a shitty trail it was! Considering it was celebrating all the r*cist activities that our kennel had been participating in, should we be surprised? The very date of this hash was an off-week due to r*cism! A make-up trail because nearly all of our kennel was involved in a giant ‘hash practice’! Sheesh! Could this kennel get any worse??
Nearly everyone showed up wearing their r*ce gear – tech shirts, medals, participatory t-shirts. We freely talked about all the non-hash running we had been up to. It’s only shocking that the shot checks weren’t mixed with GU.
We headed out on trail after a very scratched up PG and winded Cum Again stumbled out of the woods.
The hounds were moving pretty slowly considering the theme of the day – perhaps it was because we were all still tired from the week before or possibly it was because the hares warned us that there were lots of FRB awards on trail. Captain Smashballs decided to sacrifice himself (once again) and lead the way. The first trick he fell for was a complete circle jerk that brought him back to trail behind us. Smashy quickly overcame this setback to lead the pack again. This came back to haunt Cum Again at the first BN, however, because somehow he became worried that Smashy was lost on trail and he went back to look for him. This would not be the last time this day that hounds were sought out in the woods. Kicky got the FRB award at this BN which was the bikini lady shirt. While we were all enjoying our beverages and admiring each other’s r*cist outfits, Cum Again was still out looking for Smashy who was standing there drinking beer with us. So, Smashballs went back out to look for Cum Again and was triumphant in his search. From there, Head and Tasty strolled uphill to look for flour and discovered a Y. Head opted for left so Tasty checked straight ahead. Head called on one, on two and then couldn’t be heard. Tasty didn’t see any flour at first, but she knew that hares can’t be trusted so she kept going over a rise in the road. Down below, she saw a circle so called ‘on-on-on’ but no one came. So she waited. She occasionally called ‘on-on-on’ but still no one came. She was all alone. It takes five hashers to move on from a check so she stayed right there and wondered what was going on. Soon, Cum Again made an appearance over the hill and snuck off to a secret spot and dragged out a Shot Check! He figured since we were waiting for everyone to figure out trail, we might as well have refreshment. How refreshing is alternative malt beverage? Turns out, not as bad as you’d think. Ingredients: High Fructose Corn Syrup, Distilled Water and Sodium Benzoate. Three ingredients, that’s healthy, right?
Hashers started trickling in by twos and threes. Some had followed Head to a check and then followed marks back to the road Tasty was on. Head and Spike were still missing after a good while of hanging out drinking corn likker so Brownie went back to find them. Then Head and Spike show up and Brownie was missing. Then Nurse was missing. Then Brownie came back and we got the full story. Turns out, Head and Spike were doing exactly what Tasty had done, waiting for 3 more people to show up at a check. After no one showed up, they checked for trail and found it and continued on. They were the only ones who followed true trail. Who knows where Nurse had been? The rest of us were short-cutting bastards, but not intentionally. Unconsciously hashing smarter? We were convinced that Virgin Kate (who had made herself cum!) would never cum back to hash with us again. Nurse drank the rest of the moonshine straight from the jar and we followed Kicky and his tech on trail on-out.
We came to a check and discovered where PG had gotten all her scratches from. Cross-cutting through some shiggy we made our way through to a path in the woods that protected us from the ever-darkening skies. It was getting so dark that it was hard to see under the trees and the first drops of rain were heard but not felt under the canopy. When we stopped for our 2nd BN in the middle of a pathway, we were still dry and sang “Meet the Hashers” for two mountain bikers who looked like they really wanted to join us. The beer we were drinking was delicious bottled IPA that Cum Again had insisted on providing. He knew it was the best way to make lost hashers happy. (High Five, Cum Again!)
It was not long after this that the rain started pouring down in earnest~~ a real downpour of epic proportions~~ fearing that trail would be washed away, we showed our true colors and RAN like the beer was getting warm. Tasty was keeping pace with Brownie, Spike and Virgin Kate. We heard Spike call ON IN and we turned off the path we were on to the left. Spike and Kate shot ahead, really turning on the speed, but Tasty noticed an uprooted tree with flour on it that she SWORE she had seen earlier at the beginning of trail and got worried that they had just run like, a mile, out of their way and would have to go back. She snagged Brownie and they slowed, discussing this possibility. There was no way they could catch Spike and Kate and really hoped they wouldn’t have to. As they started slowly back up the trail (in the pounding rain, mind you), Kicky caught up to them and assured them that they were going the right way. WHEW! Turning up the pace once again, Kicky, Brownie, Smashy and Tasty flew into the clearing where the warming hut stands.
Ookie Cookie quickly got a fire going in the warming hut and Baster and Cum Again were steaming in no time. Down-Downs were given out with Rhubarb Sparkling Wine and it was delectable. So many r*cism accusations!
Down-Downs for the Triennial the week before were given out to;
Nurse (running)
PG (running)
Baster (running)
Tasty (running – and violated twice for it!)
Kicky (running)
Cum Again (aiding and abetting)
Brownie (aiding and abetting)
Pack N Play (aiding and abetting)
A down-down to Kicky for running a relay at Virgil Crest the day before.
Down-Downs for that very morning were given to Kicky (aiding Virgil Crest) and Baster (running Monster Marathon in Rochester). The sleeve of shame was invoked but not available so we Macgyvered some Splints of Shame and they remained splinted for the rest of circle.
Ookie Cookie drank for having the oldest r*cist gear – a medal for running the Marine Corps Marathon.
Smashy and TYCA drank for not wearing any r*ce gear and having to borrow clothes
Wow Mom Wow drank for being a Cums Lately – her last trail was a year and a half ago!
Head drank down-downs every time Nurse did because when one twin drinks…
Pack ‘N Play received the new Hashshit with great relish – dropping immediately to her knees and lifting her arms to receive it. Being splinted however, Baster could not dress her and had to have an assist.
Regretfully, Hash Flash was destroyed when Tasty’s phone was upgraded and all photos were lost so the scribe had to remember everything. So probably none of this is right.*
*1st draft, before everyone sends me corrections. lol