IH3 Trail #566: At the Waterfront Docks

Ithaca HASH #556:  At the Waterfront Docks

It all started at 3:00 PM SHT (standard hash time) on the last day of the merry month of May, 2009.
Thirst for beer and shiggy lured twenty hashers to the docks along the Cayuga Lake inlet, each with hopes of sating that one basic primal desire common to them all as hashers…and they were not to be disappointed.  Some even made others come: virgins Just John, Just Betsy and Just Tony, were made to come by their more experienced hash handlers, and all seemed to have thoroughly enjoyed the experience.
Trail was laid by Just Elaine, with the gentle but delightfully firm guidance of master trail layer Master Baster himself.
In addition to the virgins and hares, the pack was rounded out by 15 other hashers: Just Brianne, Just Dennis, Just Darren, Spike, Hot Lips, Always a Bridesmaid, Just Tori, Porcelain Goddess, Bedside Pole Dancer, Unidentified Feathered Orifice, Nurse TaKillYa, Butt Floss, hash pups Just Kinsley and Just Haley, and your humble narrator- InspectHer Speculum.

Hare Just Elaine presented the chalk talk, in which she notably explained that Boob-Checks and Dick-Checks would be encountered on trail…piqueing the interest and enthusiasm of many in the group, even if only privately for the shy ones. Therewith, those partaking of pre-trail hoppy hydration emptied their tankards and the hash was OFF, searching for true trail in all directions.

A faction started straight away in the direction of the Ithaca Festival Beer Tent at Stewart Park, but NO NO NO- these hashers were given a valuable lesson on the value of foreplay and teasing in stoking greater desire for beer: ON ON ON was in the opposite direction- towards the shiggy not the beer!  The beer would have to be EARNED through blood sweat and dick/boob checks!

But sure enough, true trail was eventually discovered, leading over bridges and then under them, then over them again- false trails being checked and outed all along the way.  Primal forces rapidly took over, and the hash began to function as a single organism, a living breathing stinking aemeoba, seeking out not whatever it is aemeobas eat, but true trail and beer. Passing in front of the picture windows of Island Fitness Center pitying the deprived non-hashing souls trapped in there on treadmills…on dead end trails with no hope of beer- the horror!

True trail led the hash over a one lane suspension bridge, and then proceeded into the shiggy- into the vicinity of ‘The Jungle’- Ithaca’s premiere outdoorsmen’s housing facility, located on the picturesque banks of the murky Cayuga Inlet, with easy access to (freight) rail service and the free cafeteria behind Wegmans (in those big green metal boxes)…a great place to spend the winter!

More false trails, and finally BEER was discovered in a beautifully dilapidated rusty garage/warehouse among the Quonset huts and scrap metal yards of Ithaca’s industrial zone. (This hasher has a particular fondness for such landscapes and was grateful to have the opportunity to hash through it- thank you hares!).

After the last drop of beer was consumed, flour was found leading in a westerly direction- towards more water then back into the shiggy, to a dick check at the dead end of a road. Though this hasher did not personally witness any dick checking actually occur, it is hoped that others found a measure of satisfaction here.

Then it was On On through pricky green shiggy, and back towards water, where ButtFloss unsuccessfully attempted to drop Nurse TaKillYa into the drink for a rinse (because she smelled or something).  She was able to escape with only wet feet, but the determined look in Floss’ eye indicated he was not done with her yet…

Trail led to a dam near a few dykes, and a railroad bridge over the water- and here at this very spot, a boob check was discovered!!  Though there was roumor of it’s occurence, saddly, this hasher did not personally witness the exposure of (female) boobs, though several were at hand and exposable.  A let down to say the least.
Flour further led the pack through the sundrenched old landfill site, where-  Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick! –  a NAKED GUY was discovered on trail!!

Supine, with a small orange towel covering his toolbox, soaking in the sun. Hasherettes were perplexed- is this the FOR REAL dick check?? What’s under that little orange tent?? Will he show us or should we take a look ourselves?? What a girl to do??  But shyness and modesty prevailed, and the NAKED GUY was regretably left unmolested.
After emerging at the backside of a big box store, into which Buttfloss momentarily disappeared to allegedly make a sizable septic deposit, the second BN was discovered in a beautiful culvert, aesthetically rivaling the first BN in its setting.  Significantly more beer and food was found here, and a short religious service was even held to give thanks- several hash hymns were sung to remind all why Jesus was not a hasher.  After paying all proper respects, the hashers continued to follow flour- leading them right through the grounds of the Tight-ass Towers housing facility for retired hashers (hmm…does RoadKill have a flat in there yet?), and then spilling them onto the streets of downtown.

Here Buttfloss, having failed in his earlier attempt to rinse the smelliness off Nurse TaKillYa, decided to place her butt first into a trash can (where smelly stuff belongs).  But alas, he was again unsuccessful in his attempts- Nurse TaKillYa broke free and bounded off with a spring in her step- foiled again!

Trail wound through town along sidewalks, passing a yardsale where free items were set out for the taking- this hasher aquired a beautiful matching set of five black cowboy hats with white piping, while Nurse TaKillYa adopted a stuffed monkey-type animal of biege coloration.  These items came to good use soon after at the ON IN, where cowboy hats were freely distributed and Just Kinsley took a shine to the stuffed monkey-type animal and readopted it from Nurse TaKillYa.

The hash circle was formed, accusations were made, and down downs were performed: first by the hares for setting such a remarkably shittty trail, then by the virgins and those that made them come, then hash crashes, missing mugs, FRBs and come latelys were serenaded and made to drink. No hasher was spared a down down- to the point that beer began to run out and my half mind began to falter even more than usual.

But most notably, a decision was made to endow one of the very youngest and definitely one of the most harddriving Ithaca hashers, Just Kinsley, with her own hash name.  Just Kinsley was led away from the circle clutching her newly adopted monkey-type by Just Brianne, out of earshot while the rest of the hash began deliberations.  After a decision had been made, Just Kinsley was brought back to the circle to be christened FRONT RUNNING BUDDY with a down down of fruit juice….a most fitting name, with obvious room for modification to reflect future development!

Thereupon, the circle was closed, and finally, those with passion for beer exponentially raised by so much tantalizing foreplay, proceded on their original path: On-On-On to the Stewart Park beer tent- past the point of no return in consumating their primal urges, knowing that they had earned their rewards!