IH3 Trail #440

Rehash #440
So as I remember…

It was a sort of shitty day…very appropriate to Ithaca, sort of drizzly and no sun in sight. After trying to convince *69 and Just Benedict that they should go hashing too, and getting some lame excuses, I decided to drive on down to Buttermilk falls and see if any of the other virgins that I had tried to convince to hash were able to make it. So at the start I met up with Hot Lips, Pussy Pong, Dances with Head, and Spike. Very small Hash. Then a few minutes later a huge van pulled in..so I wondered which soccer moms were joining the hash….this should be interesting. Instead Three Times A Weenie jumps out of the driver seat with my virgin (Just Christina) and her roommate Just Mada (sp?) in tow. They were wondering where all the people were..Where the f*ck were all the regulars anyway????
Then Ball Wrinkle shows up with his two beasts that continued to jump all the cute virgins…(Wouldn’t life be simple if you were a dog?). Finally Harry Condom Junior and Extra Testicle show up in their automobile…however they were just there for a few seconds because Harry Condom Junior insisted that she could not hash in her high heels and leather jumpsuit. (Personally, I could not understand why not…I suppose her and Extra Testicle has some business to attend to!) Although they said they would be back and bobbit the trail….Alas, they never showed…Murky moments for them later.

So anyway, finally after much standing around and trying to explain to the virgins who had just gotten out of bed what exactly they had gotten into, the Hare was off. We gave him some time and then started out on trail. As I remember, it was a very confusing beginning….over bridges…through streams…but finally Hot Lips was able to find trail with his expert navigational skills and at the sound of the bugle we were off…up a hill and through a creek to our first Beer Near where our Hare was waiting for us. Both Just Cristina and Just Mada were very eager to down some cold ones at the first stop. I guess they decided that they needed to, figuring out it was going to be a loooong day, considering we were only a third of the way into the trail and much whining was taking place. Then things started to get boring, so Three Times A Weenie decided that he needed some action. He managed to seduce Parker to molest him, while we waited for our Hare to start on out.

Finally, we got going again…back to where we had jumped into the creek bed and up a huge hill (the hare would suffer much for this later). We exited the woods and ended up on the road for a while. At the end of the road, Hot Lips seemed to disappear never to be seen again. But the rest of the gang ended up back on trail and down to a pond where we had our second beer stop. There were many complaints of how cold everyone was getting, so it was a short stop and we let the hare go and then continued to catch him on trail. At this point, as is tradition, the Hare had to remove a piece of his clothing. Of course, Just Christina insisted that he remove his pants, and I was praying that we did not catch up with him again, because who knows what she would say to remove next. Quite eager for a virgin!!!! So then we went on and on back down the trail to where we had come from. At some point the rest of the group shortcutted across a road back on to the trail….Other than that not too much exciting to report. We finished the trail…which was unusually longer than most just before dark.

Then we had our circle. The virgins drank for being virgins, Dances drank for his shitty trail, Spike must have drank for something…although he never does anything so I can’t really remember, BW drank for having dogs, I drank for FRBing, Pussy drank for being the first one there, and Weenie drank for wearing his shirt with the M word on it….and then he was whining about how he always wants to wear this shirt and something about bringing a bottle of wine to the Hash. Had Hot Lips been there maybe he would have drank to????? Finally BW gave this weird Japanese Hash shit award to Three Times a Weenie and they drank out of it together….quite intimately.

Then everyone wanted to leave and the virgins were getting restless so we went and had an on-after at some Chinese Buffet place…where Spike told us three people had gotten ill from eating their food…but we decided to be risk takers. So then everyone was happy and warm again, eating way too much, and reading our fortune cookies followed by up the ass.

All in all a shitty time. Hopefully more hashers will turn out the next time and our virgins will return!

On-on to the next hash,
BS