IH3 Trail #406

Grassroots Rehash

After four days and three nights of dancing to fun bands like rusted root and donna the buffalo, eating and drinking until the wee hours of the morning, Floss and I decided we needed a change of pace, so we dug the car out of the three feet deep trench it was buried in for the weekend and ‘head’ed over to Hot Lips’ house for some running, eating and drinking. (Too much change for a half-mind is not good.)

It appears some other grassroots hashers had the same idea, as we were greeted by Inspector, Road Kill, Rowdy Bush, Hot Lips all straight from the festival and bearing hula hoops, coolers of left-over beer and stories of the weekend past, where we all seemed to have missed one another in the sun and fun. Also present were, Monty, Dances with Head, Ball Wrinkle & Puker, Spike, and Scooby Snatch- hope there is no one I’m forgetting, as it was a long weekend.

After Inspector donned his funky chaps, which we were all glad to see would provide PI protection for at least one side of his body……we piled in to the hash-mobile Hot Lips had created using his car and a wagon attached to the back. After dodging several cop cars we arrived at our destination — in front of the funeral home. From here, we would run and we would crawl, but we were sent on our waaayyyyy….to find trail.

We went through the streets of t-burg and ended at the trails in back of the high school, from here we ran into trouble — two large ferocious black labs on chains-YIKES! "There must be some kinda way out of here," said Scooby to Hot Lips, "if there’s too much confusion, we might get some relief"- which meant the hashers would storm them all at once, and we succeeded.

On-on we went and then on-down to a stream, where everyone enjoyed the cool water — well, almost everyone . . .

On up- way up- we went to a hash rest with a great view. From here we passed the infamous Hash of a Thousand Bee Stings Hill where Honey-Cum-On-My-Boobee was named. After this, there was a hash rest with bottled water (what? No beer you might be asking at this point? Yes, no beer!) At some point along the way, we were met by Hung Man, who then dropped out of the hash as it started to head away from his car, which was parked in the opposite direction. I believe we forgot to give him a down-down for this offense too, and surprisingly no hasher was stupid (or is that smart?) enough to take him up on his offer for a ride to the on-in as he drove on by us.

Can this possibly mean that hashers who do not drink beer on trail are smarter? This might be one experiment Dances could take up for a dissertation, instead of that other one that he claims will be sucking his hash time up in the near future.

"Welcome to my party for you," Hot-lips proclaimed as we reached the on-in and he cooked us some delicious hamburgers and hot dogs.

What is that you said, gotta whistle in the wind, yeah, go down, go down-down….and with that Dances began circle.

Accusations were handed out for BLEEB and BLAB to Road Kill and Hung Man, Road Kill and 1/2 Monty did down-downs for being pussies on trail and not wanting to get their tootsies wet. Road Kill also had to do a down-down for sheep fornication, and LOA for getting sticky cum on her hand on trail, she was joined by Dances, Floss, and Scooby because when one blond drinks, they all drink! Spike received the hashit; Dances did down-downs for his not being able to get the songs right- ever. Inspector did a down-down for trying to sneak a false hash mug into the circle, and others joined him for forgetting theirs. Ball Wrinkle and Spike did down-downs for premature checkulation. BW and LOA did a down-down for wearing the same headgear. Floss tried to trick LOA into sharing his down-down by proposing marriage, only it wasn’t clear to anyone if this was to him, and I don’t think there is such a thing as a GILF (grandmother I’d like to f*ck).

Hot Lips was given NUMEROUS down-downs. Including putting in the time to call about 50 of his neighbors so we could run through their back yards, and for failing to make them believe that drinking beer and running up and down the cliffs in back of their houses was a good thing. He also drank for past, present and made-up indiscretions, and we were all worried he wouldn’t make it home. After all, he did have to drive his lawnmower to the other side of the pond.

Thanks once again for setting another one of your sh*tty trails Hot Lips. It’s no wonder that everyone looks forward to it each summer!!!

THE END.