A Drinking Club with a Running Problem
On a rather quiet Saturday this young, handsome single and horny hasher decided to stretch his legs by running to the starting point hoping to get there in time to join the others off. With luck I made it to College Town Bagels just as, Master Baster, Dances with Head, and Just Dave were ordering BEER (HOORAY BEER).
Before anyone’s pints were finished the other hashers, (Toothy, Jiffy, Floss, anyone else I’m forgetting?), and even the hares had arrived. The hares, for anyone that cared, happened to be… s***who were the hares, f*** that’s right; Mouthful of Clam, Tofu, and Porcelain Goddess. Man my memory seems to fade; I should really cut back on my running. Mouthful directed us up Dryden Ave and we were on our way. At the top of Dryden we met our first check and Phil McCracken (sp?) caught up with us. Wondering around the crazy light at the top of Dryden we tried to find our way. Mouthful was quick to warn us that kids and dogs were not welcome on this hash. Finally down towards 366 then up some god-awful slippery stairs toward the parking lot behind Schoellkopf Field.
In the middle of the parking lot was another f***ing circle check. Hashers started wondering around aimlessly attempting to find a mark that went somewhere. Taking pity on our wonderings and the fact a car parked over the correct mark we were back on trail into Schoellkopf Field. Down the treacherous stadium stairs, where PG was motivating us to move quickly with encouraging words and copious amounts of skin, we made our way across the field looking for off-white marks. We were able to make our way over to Campus Rd but we were forced to wonder again, mother f***ers. Baster ran aimlessly for a while thinking he was on a trail, who’s trail we weren’t sure.
Up, over, around and through we meandered our way to Uris then to an unknown creepy Cornell building I have never been in nor want to be in again. Our path was not marked with flour due to the uptight nature of our current culture. Instead we followed blue post-it notes around the twisting and turning dungeons of Cornell. Upon escape we followed more of that well placed off-f***ing-white flour around Beebe Lake across the footbridge to the woods behind the observatory. McCracken (sp?) said he had heard that at other hashes the hares were served beer and inquired if this belief was shared by our hares. Not to be out done our hares produced and we found our first BN (FINALLY).
There was much reminiscing about what Dances had brought to the Ithaca hash and I’m sure it was all very sentimental and heart felt but who gives a s***. What IS more important is the sex positions PG and Dances were demonstrating for the rest of us. Dances declined on Floss’ offer to participate in the festivities. The conversation took an interesting turn as Just David began talking about his specially designed cross country, super duper, CANADIAN, undergarments. This led to Floss whipping his out and the inquiry of what kind of boxers Cocktail Frank wore (silky workout type, got to keep the chaffing to a minimum). The conversation getting well, interesting, we pressed on. Up over the hill and toward the freshmen dorms we went. Entering one of the community buildings we found out that some of our hares are a bit more daring then the rest. She decided to lay trail through the building with flour. Unfortunately a janitor had been by and being the hardworking individual cleaned up some of it. Not enough that we couldn’t find our way, just enough to be a bitch.
Exiting we were given a gift from the heavens, a bottle of vodka waiting for us. There was much speculating as to its origin and authenticity so Baster tried it, approved, and then put it in Cocktail Frank’s sack (it’s a very large sack). With the light beginning to run out the trail led us back toward Beebe Lake for a Back Check. We then hightailed it over to Libe Slope. SHOT CHECK! PG had parked her car there, and Jell-o shots emerged. Mouthful put on a few garbage bags and attempted to slide down the hill. PG went down the hill head first on a quick little sled. And TOFU tried and failed to make it down the slope by herself. Mouthful quickly came to her aid and they managed to make it to the bottom. Upon their return enough of the shots were gone and people were cold enough that the return to trail was eminent. Mouthful was excited to finish the rest of trail as a live trail. Unfortunately for him the other hares had let slip that we were headed for the Palms for the on-after. Cold and ready for more libations we attempted to follow Mouthful’s off-white trail but eventually the cold won out.
He eventually made it to the Palms where we had begun drinking. More or less that’s it can’t really remember what some of the acquisitions were but I’m sure Baster will be able to fill you in. And if I wasn’t such a lazy wanker I would upload the pictures that I have for you all to see but those will have to wait until I get back from FLORIDA after x-mas. CHEERS.
On-sleep!
COCKtail FRANK