A Drinking Club with a Running Problem
Why is it so freakin cold in April? The April showers are supposed to be rain, not snow…
Anyway… Even though it was snowing on beaster many hashers came out to the top of the rice hill sled slope to hunt beer in the anal Ithaca Hash Beaster Egg Hunt. After waiting around to make sure that everyone who was going to cum had cum, and a chalk talk for our visitors from Rochester (Mudman, Horse Jerker, Lollypoop, RU-486, and Red Snapper), and the numerous beaster egg hunt virgins (circle checks have a number in them, that’s how many goodies are hidden near by), we set off searching for flour, which we knew would lead to the general area of beer.
As we were running Country Cock, JuShUAD, and myself (Lord Bürpenstain) didn’t see a Y, didn’t see the X on the leg of the Y we ran, and then did see flour further ahead, so we kept running… Fortunately for CC and I we could hear the calls of beer near from behind us, and went back to quench our thirst with little rolling rocks and fill our stomachs with easter eggs, jelly beans and chocolate body parts (I had a peanut butter penis, and a mint chocolate vagina, and they made sweet love in my tummy). Unfortunately for JuShUAD he was out of earshot when beer was found. But after making it to the next beer hunt, and having a beer, he came back to find us at the first beer hunt, to have a beer with us…
When we verified that we had found all of the goodies in the area, we went on-on to the next beer check, which (as JuShUAD knew) wasn’t far. We had more goodies, and BEER. When the time came to leave this beer check there was some confusion about how many goodies we had found. We started looking around for an unfound beer, only to realize that JuShUAD had already been here and drank a beer.
On the way out of this beer check the hares were tricky, and put all the marks on the side of the trees that faces away from the false trail right next to true trail (if that didn’t make sense, try to make sense of it after having a couple brewski’s, you’ll see what kind of trouble the hash was in). After a bit of hinting from a hare, the hash found trail, and eventually a back check, and then another beer hunt check.
As the sloshilization and consumption of chocolate asses and nipples continued Maxi Pad decided to act like a dog (fitting considering that Maxi Pad is a Lab…) and pick up a 6 foot long branch and swing it wildly in vicinity of hashers. Just Ali (stay tuned) had her back to the pooch action and was unaware of her impending doom; fortunately ET was aware and bravely pulled her out of the way of the swinging branch. As a result of this selfless act of hash bravery, ET became entangled in roots and branches, and hash crashed as a result. I am recommending ET for the Hash Medal of OnHer. After this we broke Maxi’s stick into more manageable pieces, and continued sloshilization.
Once done with our beers we ran out into a field, and along the edge of the woods until we came to a Y at a road. We followed the road down into some camp sites, and another beer hunt check. A few hashers took advantage of near by facilities (which were heated) to break the seal I thought about moving the beer near into the heated, and pretty darn clean mens room, but we were almost done with our beers by this point. and decided we should run on in search of more beer to get warm.
We left the camp area and were soon at a Psi next to rt 89 and the bridge across taughannock creek. True trail was found (or so we thought) going up, up, up the stairs. We shortly found that JuShUAD, myself and Porcelain Goddess had all been fucked (more on that later…). Trail was located across rt 89, in a field. Then we came upon our deer near. We aren’t really sure how the dead dear wound up in the middle of the lakefront trail, it might have been hit by a car on 89 and staggered in to the woods… It doesn’t really matter, but it was fairly recent. After running through another camp site where we were sure we would find beer, but didn’t and then trotting along next to rt 89 for a few yards we did find beer, and candies.
We hung out in the woods, drinking beer, eating jelly beans, and talking about the kinds of things that hashers talk about. Somehow a conversation about sexual positions that took place on the list serve came up, and Toothy asked PG what “Reverse Cowgirl” was. I attempted to explain by stating that it is just like cowgirl, but backwards. After it became clear that it was not clear what “reverse cowgirl” was Just Ali (sometimes referred to as bride of Bürpenstain) asked if the hash would like a demonstration. I (Bürpenstain) promptly laid down, and Porcelain Goddess promptly straddled me facing my feet. After the demonstration it was clear that some confusion had been resolved, and other confusion created. Porcelain Goddess declared that she was grateful to have already been named.
After verifying that we weren’t littering (counting the beers found) we followed trail to rt 89 and the bottom of the rice hill sledding slope. up-up, up-up, up-up… we went. It would have sucked, but we knew that there was beer on the top of the hill, so we continued with great determination to make our way to the top, stopping only for the beer near 2/3rds of the way up. Here we continued discussing sexual positions: Farmers daughter is like reverse cowgirl, but the guy is sitting in a chair, rather than laying on his back. We tried to remember what it is called when you are both sitting, facing each other… When done there, we staggered off towards the cars, and the warming huts at the top of the slope. Fortunately one of the warming huts was open, and we didn’t need to send someone in through a window.
Before we could start a circle CC, Tequila Bill, RU-486 and Red Snapper had to leave.
When we did get circle going Floss ran things, and Mudman helped with songs. We punished the hares (Little Oral Annie and Butt Floss), for they had set shittily. We didn’t have any virgins (I think this was the biggest hash I have been to with no vigins) so we punished the Beaster Egg hunt virgins, which to everyone’s surprise included hasher extraordinaire, Toothy Lunker, and many other hashers, mostly the hashers who have hashed for less than a year, like PG, Twisted, Just Diane, Just Nadia, Just Rob, and several more… We punished Hot Lops for being at the circle. We made Twisted Fister drink for leaving us (he is off to North Carolina soon). We pondered making Women There join him, but he isn’t leaving for a couple more months, so we will get him later. We sang to FRB JuShUAD, and DFL Just Ali. while they guzzled a cup full. ET drank for his hash crash, and Just Ali joined him out of guilt. We welcomed to the circle the early (Mudman? Horse Jercker? it was someone from Flour City) and late (Just Nadia was navigating for Toothy) arriving bastards. Floss was forced to drink for getting busted on marijuana possession at the Rochester hash weekend. (and when one hare drinks…) Spike and Harry Condom, Jr. drank for having dry lips. PG and I were punished for simulating sex on trail. LickHer Harder received ET’s Extra Testicle. The Cums Lately award was passed from PG to Just Nadia (stay tuned) because PG says she doesn’t cum often enough. And the HaShit was passed from PG to Harry Condom, Jr. because PG says Harry has a really nice ass. (but if having a nice ass was the criteria for getting the HaShit, I think PG could have kept it; her ass looked just fine from my point of view at the penultimate beer hunt check :-o)
We decided that since it was nice and warm in the hut, we could make the festivities last extra long, so we sent Just Ali, Just Diane, and Just Nadia out into the bitter wind while we considered naming them. We should always consider namings at highly attended hashes, the brainstorming is much better…
After leaving them out in the cold long enough that we were certain they would be glad to get their hash names, we brought the ladies back into the hut.
Just Ali crashed over, and over, and over again at her first two hashes, and she even managed to get punished for crashing at this one without actually crashing, and seeing as we were hunting Beaster Eggs all afternoon, that reminded us of the story of Humpty Dumpty (who had a great fall)… The hasher formerly known as Just Ali shall be known as Hump-me
Dump-me from this day forward.
Just Nadia doesn’t talk much on trail, but she can drink herself blind. From now on there is no Just Nadia, there is Helen Yeller.
Just Diane’s email address is composed of her intials followed by a number, as are the emails of many Cornell employee/student hashers. In the case of Just Diane, that happens to be dry2, which made us wonder if she might be too dry. We didn’t know, but… when in doubt, go for some lube. Just Diane is no more, please welcome Jiffy Lube to the hash.
ET decided to punish himself for having been named in the very hut we were standing in, twice (does anyone remember Paper Clit?) and we sang him my favorite song, which Scooby Snatch taught me at last years Beaster Egg hunt at this very location. (If your girlfriend tastes like shit flip her over…)
There was some more punishing that went on after this, but I drank enough that I don’t recall what the offences, or who the guilty were.
And since all that drinking can work up an appetite, we had an on-after at the Pourhouse in T-burg, a fine establishment…
The next hash will be set by Dances With Head, and Hot Lips. Details TBA
On-on,
Lord Bürpenstain