IH3 Trail #423

The Accused: Hungman, Just Wayne,
Crime(s): Too Numerous to Mention
Time: 2-ish PM
Place: Castaways Bar, Ithaca, NY
Motive: To drink more BEER!

Accomplices: Spike, Dances with Head, Pussy Pong, Little Oral Annie, Floss, 1/2 Monty, Just Lynn, Just Chandra, Just Andrew, Little Miss Muffit, Mr. & Mrs. Stiffy

Story:
It was an unusually cold and unusually sunny Ithaca afternoon when this group of hooligans set out for the sailboat… what? Yes that is what the hare, Hungman told the group they should head (head? Who said head?) for as they started out to find trail. On the way there, PP fell victim to a mock sexual assault by Floss, who then fell victim to a mock sex act by ET. If we were in Okinawa, this sort of behavior would have had us all court marshaled! But in Ithaca, we didn’t even punish it with a down-down. Onward we trudged through really heavy snow. The dogs (Just He! rshey and Just Jacob) were the lucky ones as they were able to skate across the surface with ease.

Onward we trudged trying to find flour at every turn, while cursing that this must be some ploy by Hungman to get us in to his office to have our eyes examined, because we couldn’t see ANY! We finally got him to confess that he set trail in lemonade, and it doesn’t show up in snow… After Just Lynn hash crashed while climbing up to the railroad tracks, we finally made our way to the first beer stop where our no-longer-virgin hashers, Just Chandra and Just Andrew, dug out the whiskey! These two sure know how to hash! Beer and Jack Daniels were drank by all as we watched the gallon of untouched water molecules in the jug slowly turn to ice, and before we knew it we were off again. This time we kept going and going, and going, until we reached a hilltop with an amazing view, but no beer. What we did find there were garbage bags stashed by the hares Hangm! an and Just Wayne. Within seconds we found ourselves at the bottom of the hill and on our way back to the bar, many hashers still wearing their diaper/toga attires.

At Casataways everyone drank for something, many awards were given out. Here it was discovered that LOA made Just Lynn come while sitting on a piano bench at the Big Red Barn (I think that’s a hash name in the making!), several hashers drank for wearing matching attire, the hares drank for not using flour, Just Chandra and Just Andrew drank for bringing JD on trail, Mrs. Stiffy drank for never leaving camp, Mr. Stiffy was made to drink as a comes-lately and as a visitor, and for numerous other accusations…as did many others. ET received the Big Balls award from PP for failing to make his partner-in-crime Harry Condom, Jr. come (we hear she prefers to stay home and work on taxes), LOA (who was drinking as Just Lynn’s virgin-proxy) received the hash-crash award from ET. Dog owners als! o drank, and promises were made to give Ball Wrinkle a big down-down at the next hash for being in sunny Florida while the rest of the hashers braved sub-zero temps just to drink beer.

On-On to the next hash set by Phil Mc’Crackin’ and Vibrator this Sunday!