IH3 Trail #489

Start location: North side of Monkey Run
Hares: Toothy Lunker and Little Oral Annie (The blonds)
Hounds: A lot
Virgins: Just Linnie, Just Sam, Just Melissa and Just Adam (that’s right, 4 of em…)
Wanker writing this rehash: Lord Bürpenstain

When I arrived at the parking lot where Hanshaw road makes a 90 degree turn, and the day’s hash was to start, I was rather thirsty, but no beer was present. Lot’s of hashers, but not beer… So I socialized (couldn’t sloshilize, I had no beer!), while we awaited our hares, who we assumed were setting beer. Soon the hares arrived. It was good to see Toothy getting ready to run a hash. She hadn’t hashed since my virgin hash!!!

Anywho… Since Toothy and LOA were going to make us run to beer, rather than give us some at the start, we demanded the chalk talk begin immediately…

As soon as the chalk talk was done, we took off into the woods, a couple of Ys later we came to a check by that building back there that Cornell owns. From this check Trojan took off into the woods, I heard him on-2 while other hashers were scattering in various directions not finding much. After not hearing Trojan for a while I figured he must have been on, and I took off after him with Pippi shortly behind me… I soon heard false coming from behind me… Our hares had hidden the X. So back to the check we went, and true trail was found going the other direction behind the CRC building and into the woods. I worried about Trojan, but other hashers who knew him better assured me that he would be alright. Sure enough they were right, I passed Trojan running along on true trail (how did he do that?) going down the hill to the rappelling line. Most hashers went single file down the hill with the aid of the rope (it’s a good thing the hares put this part of the trail before the beer), but Dances With Head found his own path down, which was a little scary to watch from the bottom (I didn’t want him landing on me…). From here, we forded Fall Creek, and ran upstream on some overgrown trails, then we forded Fall Creek again and ran upstream some more along the bank, then we forded Fall Creek, and ran upstream, only to ford Fall Creek and turn downstream (this should have been a clue, but I am pretty thick). Then we started up the hill out of the Gorge… Just Bob, Just Sam, Pippi, and yours truly, were on our way up the very steep incline when Just Bob exclaimed “BC5”… Back down to where we came out of the water, and upstream we ran, all the way to the washed out bridge, where we found a check. The Hash scattered in hopes of finding beer soon (I feel that I must remind you at this point that some of us had not had a drink since breakfast). Just Karen was on-on-on across the bridge so I swam across the creek to get to the trail…

o my surprise, nobody followed me… I ran along the trail going upstream, finding 3 marks, and then no marks for quite a while, then a Y…

I found no marks on either leg of the Y, but I could hear on-ons coming from upstream, so I took the fork of the Y which stayed close to the creek. I ran in solitude seeing no flour, or hashers, but continuing to hear on-on coming from upstream. As I closed in on the source of the on-ons I had been hearing I realized that the source was on the other side of the creek, so I found a break in the woods and jumped down the cliff to ford Fall Creek again and found Just Melissa running up the shore. In a hundred yards we came to a check (complete with pack arrow pointing across the creek), so I forded Fall Creek (again) and ran upstream on the trail I had been following when I got lost (I am told that the last of the 3 marks I saw across the bridge was to have been an X… I still can’t figure out what Just Karen did, and how that solitary Y got over there…). I soon caught up to the hash, at the beer near after crossing under the rte 13 bridge. As I arrived and grabbed a brew, which was sorely needed at this point, the hash was realizing that Maxi Pad was MIA, so Floss took off back tracking to find his pooch. Just Mindy and Just Jessica were having a blast playing with a stick, and Just Sam was taking pictures of the enthusiastic pooch and her mommy (Hey Just Sam, you should send your pics from the hash to Dances With Head: danceswithhead@hotmail.com).

Soon, we were off again, you guessed it, fording Fall Creek… We weaved through the thick growth on the bank and up the hill to Lower Creek road. Here the marks switched from good ole reliable flour to thin pink chalk…

A T was the first mark. A couple of little Hs were found going left, and off we went looking for the 3rd… I was following Trojan, I figured he must have been seeing marks, since he didn’t slow down at the intersection, and went left, and even back into the woods… I realized he was just running to where he thought the trail was, not where the trail actually was, so I turned back, and LOA showed some of us a tinny little X off to the side of lower creek road… So we ran down lower creek road… And further down lower creek road, and then even further down lower creek road, we couldn’t see any marks, it seems pink chalk doesn’t stand up to cars very well…

Up at the front of the pack Country Cock and Just Karen had the message passed to them from LOA that they should stop at the stop sign at Pinckney rd for a check. We scattered, repeatedly asking LOA if we were on, as there was no way for us to tell given that we couldn’t see the hash marks, but then, all of a sudden, we could see the hash marks on Pinckney rd (which must have less traffic than lower creek). On-on-on we went north on Pinckney… As I was running along, something caught my eye in the ditch on the side of the road; I stopped and grabbed what I thought was a stuffed dog, but it was actually a puppet (who had some nose damage), so I stuck my hand up his ass (which made him much more expressive), and named him George. Further a long we went, and were able to see all the marks, even the BC8… so back we went and off along the boundary of a field, and around a corner to a power line clearing and out to Etna road, where CC went left, and others went right… Soon a beer near was found on the right, and we shouted at CC, but I guess he couldn’t hear us… We sloshilized… I discovered George’s ass makes a great koozie. Eventually CC came to the beer near, we discussed hash naming with virgin Just Linnie, and we learned how Country Cock came to be known as such, my naming was a little more obvious. The hash figured out that we were on an A2B hash, and that the B was Toothy’s nearby house. Some hashers who had to leave before the on-in, and took off to get transportation back to Monkey Run from Fishy Fingers… Country Cock helped the hares out by carrying the beer from the 2nd beer near to the on-in, and Pippi and I helped CC out, lightening his load by exactly 2 beers.

We spent a fair amount of time waiting to start the circle as hashers retrieved cars, and LOA looked for Floss and Maxi Pad… The hash got its chance to meet Just Ardis, who was having a drink of her own… Toothy commented that this was the first time that her nipples had been sucked at a hash for nutrition purposes…

When we did start circle we punished Toothy for haring (LOA would get hers later).
We welcomed the virgins who had stuck around for the circle (Just Linnie, and Just Sam).
Floss and Max arrived! They had followed the whole poorly marked trail successfully!!!
We called LOA to call off the search, and miracle of miracles, she had her phone with her.

There were A LOT of down-downs given in this circle; I forgot most of them… Here are the few remaining ones I do remember…

We punished those front running bastards: myself, CC, Pippi and more… The early and late arriving bastards, Butt Floss, Pussy Pong, and Cocksmith, were given a down-down.
Some time during the various accusations and punishments LOA returned…
And we punished her for being a hare, which meant that Toothy got another drink…
I was made to drink (from George’s ass) for drinking from George’s ass… LOA (when one hare drinks…) was punished for competing twice in the last week, and whining about it…
Someone mentioned that it is shocking that LOA was now a grandma (which caused expressions of disbelief from the virgins). I found it more shocking that she would marry the likes of Floss, and expressed said feelings…
Extra Testicle had to drink because he really wanted to sing a certain hash song, so we sang it for him…
Dances and Pong were punished for living in sin, and being a ‘ginky’ (geeky, and kinky) couple.
The mention of ginkyness prompted the spontaneous sharing of a joke on my part… involving a ‘shocking’ sex act which uses 3 fingers on the same hand, and comparing it to a similar act named after a star trek character which uses 4 fingers… My expression of ginkyness was cause for my joining PP and DWH in this down-down…
Side-Sides were given to the hares, and PP for being around 1 year after their last side-sides.

And some awards were passed around…
My comments about Spocking, and LOA marrying floss earned me the big balls award, which was given to me from Toothy.
I responded in kind with a brand new hash award. I decided that since George had been on the side of the road for god knows how long with out hashing he would from this point forward be known as ‘George, the cums way too lately award’, and gave him to Toothy

The hash was instructed to go in peace and get a piece…

A few of us stuck around for the eating of hot dogs which Fishy was nice enough to make for us…

On-on,
Cmdr. Bürpenstain