IH3 Trail #431

It was the third of November a day I’ll always remember, except that it was actually the sixth of June and I couldn’t find anything witty that rhymns with it.

So I find myself pulling into Hammond Hill parking lot, full of cars but no hashers. Damn it was 3:21 and they had already left, so I let my dog out who immediately left me to go find the hash, ah yes my faithful dog. So remembering what our Hare said about this being a bike hash, I pulled out a borrowed mountain bike and practiced riding in the parking lot. The last time I was on a bike was for a midnight bike hash, where while walking my bike I walked of a 15 foot embankment. Of course it was as dark as my last name!

So as I’m tooling around the lot I hear another vehicle approaching , and lo and behold it was our illustious Grand Master Ball Wrinkle and Tobe the Pucker. Unlike my hound he stayed near his owner, I of course inquired about where Parker was ( the other chocolate lab ) . I was informed that he was being punished for dog like behavior, so he didn’t get to hash ( sucks to be Parker that day).

About that time we hear another car, and in comes Just Ted Trisca and his lovely girlfreind Just Taylor. Just Ted said they got lost, but we know better, all those Dirt roads and dead ends, a murky moment before trail! None the less we were just getting ready to search out the start of the trail when Hershey came trotting up the road showing us where True trail was. So I took off down the road in search of flour, and what did I see? Disgruntled Hashers complaining about a back check 17. Just Taylor wanted to no what that was and we told her that was good news for late cuming bastards like us.

One of the first things I noticed was that I was the only fool on a bike, of course Star 69 was on her Horse who name I believe was Smarty Jones because the hash took off like it was the Belmont Stakes. Of course I was trying to get the stupid bike over about 10 blowned down pine trees, so much for being bike freindly or horse freindly . Lit Mis had what must have been a satisfying Murky moment on trail with Star and her horse ( the first of two murky threesome on trail) as Star and her Horse disappeared until the circle was almost over. Although she didn’t win the triple crown she got a rewaqrd much greater at the circle.

So after lugging my bike over trees and through a muddy trail Lit Mis waited and then called me a bike whimp for walking my bike, but I said oh yeah well show me how it’s done, big man triathlete. So he took off on my bike which I did see again until the end of the trail. I showed him, so now that I didn’t have to walk the bike I took off and caught up at the suppossed first beer stop! Except that there was no beer, it seems someone stoled the beer, really it didn’t turn up. So even though we figured it for a hash prank it turns out that someone actually stoled it! Probably some 15 year old got drunk that day.

So the next thing I know were back on trail in search of unstoled beer!! I found myself running with Ball Wrinkle and Swing Low ( the two of us started singing More Beer, More Beer, MOre Beer, More Beer, More BEER, More Beer, well you get the idea ) and getting dusted by everyone else . Evidently they figured Smarty Jones was ahead of them and they were going to catch em. Hell Bitch Squeeler left on eating her dust, not that we complained or had our ego’s bruised.

So after what seemed forever we came to a real beer stop where I finally got to see who was at the Hash. There was a number of new and unfamiliar faces and yes a lot of all to familiar faces! Of course some are probably saying hey I’ve been reading forever and that back running bastard hasn’t mentioned my name yet, hell I would’ve read this much if I knew he wasn’t going to mention me at least twice. ET , ET call home !

Anyways about the time we got to the beer stop Swing Low decided to do some stupid beer tricks which include regurgiating beer through his nose and back into his Milwuakees best light beer which he quickly passed off to Dances with Head who had just cum running in. Dances quickly took a huge swig and was upset he had to give it back as he said it was the best tasting Miluwakee light he had ever had. I know what you’re thinking that’s snot funny! Actually it was.

Anyways at the beer stop was our three some virgins, Rockstar Just Mike and the georgous Just Sarah. Also new comer Just Matt. Spike and Hot Lips, Extra Testicle , Just Ted and Taylor,Bitch but no Star 69, Ball W and of course me and Hershey and Toby who decided it was time to play keep away with a stick. It’s a amazing how some hashers won’t get out of the dogs way until they get hit in their privates with a two foot stick. Ater that we took off for the On-In and more beer! Oh yeah the trail was muddy but beautiful and the woods were great and very few bugs.

Finally we saw those beautiful words to live by On-In and beer near, some of us actually start salavating , while other just get a tear in there eye , or burning beer in your nose if your name is Swing Low. Who were going to rename Swing Snot Low!

Now for the good news nobody stole the On-In beer and there was actually enough where we didn’t have to share. So we were busy drinking waiting for Just TED and Taylor and ET to finish up there murcky threesome on trail. It must have been great as ET later awarded his extra testicle to his buddy Ted ( which he had not given up since he got name some four years ago).

After a few Hash song to shock our Virgins we started making our Hare Lit Mis Drink, and than our virgins, and than Just Matt drank for being the bleb and Just Ted for being the blab. I then drank for philosophize on trail, "If a hashers falls in the woods and no one see’s or hear’s do they still do a down-down?" Ball Wrinkle than passed on his hash crash award to Swing Low for stumbling on trail and almost drowning in nasal beer. We had our illustrious phone bitch drink for still being at the Hash, yes a rare circle visit by Hot Lips ! About that time someone mentioned , hey where is the Big Balls award. Bitch Squeeler mumbled something about she wasn’t finsihed with it yet . Right around than our Bobbit showed up and Star 69 found her way back to the Circle. Pussy Pong was at an all day class which we meaning the guys forgave her for when she flashed her bra at us. Bitch snuck over ! to her car and produced the Big Balls Award ( and if you’ve never seen the Big Balls Award, the name does even do it justice ) and presented it to Star 69 so that she could go visit it. Star 69 did show us her new Kojack look. After that I did a side side for my upcoming 30-22 birthday and ET did the Sunny Side Up for going through the Cornell Doctorial graduation last week! If you’ve never seen a Sunny Side Up Chug cum to our weekend and we’ll give you a Sunny Side down Chug for being a cum lately.

After that we talked about naming a few new hashers Just Matt, Just Mike and Just Sarah. We tabled those names although we did cum up jwith some pretty intesting names. Just Matt was wearing his Joe Boxer underware. So I suggested we call him whoreboxer, Just Mike who some said looks like a rock star or was it chew baca or Big foot. Or perhaps something to do about his hard on nipples that Just Matt couldn’t keep his eyes or fingers off of. Almost a murky moment in the circle!

Just Sarah mentioned that she works at a library at cornell that name sounded some like the Crotch. Which is probably because it host the largest collection of Porn in the world. ET remembered he needed another chapter or two on his thesis and inquired about when he could review the material at the Crotch! Boy the name possiblity are endless or was that crotchless I forget.

Well that is as much as I remeber off the circle , some of us did do an on after at Icabods , Just Matt and Just Mike and Spike and Ball W and myself.

So in conclusion GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND REGISTER FOR OUR WEEKEND , JUNE 18-20.
WE HAVE A GOURMET CHEF FOR SATURDAY NIGHT WHO IS COOKING CHICKEN AND SENECA LAKE TROUT THAT I CAUGHT, PLUS MUCH, MUCH MORE AND BEER AND MORE BEER, MORE BEER,MORE BEER,MORE BEER!!!

If I left anyone out or anything else out feel free to add on to this rehash. I started this yesterday and after and hour and a half of writing I lost the whole thing when I did a spell check.
1/2 Monty