IH3 Trail #429

Just Chris and I changed into our hashing attire and were fortunate enough to overhear ET and Hair Down There depicting the G-Rated version of hashing to a family that just happened to be a the head of our trail (HEAD!?!? Who said HEAD??? I’ll take some of that….). ET started to give the parents an idea of the fun that we have, but he stopped just short of telling them that his name was not really ET. Come on hear, the kids have to learn about anatomy sometime anyway. Why not just let them in on the fact that you have an Extra Testicle? And we wonder why we have such problems with elementary education in the US…..

It was a perfect day for an Ithaca hash… actually it seemed a tad bit cold, the black flys weren’t any fun, and there there didn’t seem to be and BEER waiting for the anxious hashers that arrived before the start of the trail. Just Chris and I were getting a bit thirsty. Fortunately we were astute enough to find that one of the hares had left her car unlocked and found some BEER in the trunk. It was warm. It was a crappy. But hey, who cares; it was BEER.

While we were waiting, *69 showed up on a horse. At first I didn’t know that she was actually one of the hares. But there was plenty of time to uncover all of those facts because the other hare (Bitch Squealer) didn’t show up for quite a while. In the meantime a few more hashers and black flys showed up. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH….. Okay enough of my bitching.

We did the Chalk Talk and started off underneath some powerlines, checked it out in several directions and eventually made it to true trail. A lot of the first part of the trail was downhill with a fair number of T’s, Y’s, etc. It really was a pretty well done soggy trail and all… Then after a while we came up on a road where we went On-Left. This would have a perfect place for a circle check, but to my chagrin (since at least one of the hares had laid trail equestrian-style) there would be no such thing as a circle check on the entire trial. No big deal, somebody will drink for that….

After a short stretch on the road, the pack itself decided to hold up and regroup. After most of the laggards arrived, we headed back into the woods. A couple hundred yards in there was a BN. Yhatzee!!! BEER Near. So we started looking for the sweet nectar. Funny thing, I checked behind a tree and much to my amazement, I found Little Oral Annie practicing her art on Butt Floss. Not really. Sounded good though didn’t it???

In other news… we found the BEER, sloshilized for a few minutes and headed off on trail again. Somewhere around there Ball Wrinkle actually showed up. Gee, I don’t know if that is really an offense… Oh well, he’ll get a down-down for it anyway.

The rest of the trail was good, but nothing really stood out about it in my mind. Oh yeah. The fun part was near the end of the trail… we did something like 1/3 of a mile on the road and found an ON-IN marking. Then we looked up… oh-yeah, there are the powerlines… all we have to do is follow them back to the cars… THROUGH THE THORNS. UGH. Whatever, I can deal with that. Then we proceed to trapse up hill through thorns and shiggy and such attempting to make it back to the cars. It was actually the better part of a mile. How do I know that??? There was techno-gizmo strapped to my wrist. Yes, a down-down was awarded for that too.

Anyway, we finally all made it back to the cars. Except for Hound Whore. He was an extra 15 min or so. Not to worry, hashers were dispatched to get more BEER an that would take a while. Yes, we actually pretty much ran out of BEER before the circle started. Don’t worry, somebody did a down-down for that too.

In the meantime, we entertained ourselves by playing Russian Roulette and other classic hashing games. Oh yeah and the horse (Star Light) had a BEER or two while we were waiting for reinforcements. Why not? If I set trail you bet your ass I’d be sucking down a cold one (actually, it was a warm one).

Finally when reinforcements DID arrive we got things started. The down-downs (as well as I can remember) were handed out like this:

Hares – Bitch Squealer & *69
BLEAB – ET
BLAB – Ball Wrinkle
Bobbits – LOA (the passenger) and Floss, 1/2 Monte and Turkish companion
Comes Lately – Just Lynn & Scooby Snatch
Hash Crash – Hound Whore, Just Lynn, Hot Lips
Short Cutting Bastards – Just Lynn, Bitch Squealer, Red Crap
Long Cutting Bastards – Hound Whore
FRB – Just Corry
Beer Violations – LOA & Floss (for Just Max)
Birthdays (side-sides) – Hound Whore, Butt Floss, Ball Wrinkle
Forgotten Mugs – LOA, Floss, Ball Wrinkle, ..
‘Equine Haring’ – *69
‘Swimming during the Hash’ – ET
Big Balls Award – Bitch Squealer (she seemed really happy to receive it, watch for extra coats of ‘laquer’ when it returns to the hash)
Hashit Award – Hound Whore
Visitor – Just Chris
‘Mis-management of BEER’ – Hares
Spike must have drank for something (nobody gets away from an Ithaca hash without their comeuppance).

Somebody closed the circle….

Then there was an excellent ON-After at Bitch Squealors place with pizza, grilled dead animals, chip, whips, and salsa, and other tasty delectible morsels. Oh yeah, did I mention the BEER?