ReHash #343

Great Hash!!! — NOT! — B-DUBYA’s SUCKY RE-HASH

Hello all.

The Bachelor Party – I’m not writing a re-bach, except to mention that my wife really enjoyed (NOT!) having my cell phone ringing (at my home) at 2:30AM Sunday when Skull and BBBB were trying to locate me. Thanks for your concern guys, but CC and Rowdy Bush were taking care of me just fine.

The Hash – For the Bachelor Party stay-overs, there was a small (literally and figuratively speaking) problem that occurred about the time that we should have been leaving. You see, it all started when Skull let loose this fart… Everyone headed for cover, as is common practice when Skull farts. Spanks my Minky and I stepped outside along with dogs Cayo and Brindle. (sp?) Minky left the dogs out for a while as they seemed to be behaving themselves. Later, when called in, Brindle (the football-shaped canine slut w/ the non-stop tongue for those that don’t know her) was nowhere be found. The search began… (boring details omitted) …ended. Thus the BLABs were determined.

The hashers were milling about the parking lot in front of the Cornell Dairy Bar when BBBB, Skull, and BW (me) arrived. My thirst was quenched immediately thanks to JUSHAD. Just Dan was already drinking a beer, as is his tendency – he knows now that there is usually beer to drink during AND after the hash, so he was sipping nonchalantly, as opposed to the hurried swilling of his first hash. WT (one of the hares) was in a tizzy. (my assessment, not his) He wanted to get the show on the road (again, literally, and figuratively) Even though it was 1/2 past 2, we held WT and Capt. Slimey off for a few more minutes – just enough time to allow the lost dog patrol to swing into the lot. Big Stones, Minkey, Little Oral Annie, and Butt Floss. (driving)

The hash headed off towards the Cornell main campus. The trail wound around, through, under several campus buildings, and down the hill towards downtown. Oops! Back-check 20 ? Yes. 20. F*cking Hares… F*cking Hares… We’ll kill the F*cking Hares… The hares – Releash Me, and WT should pay dearly for this.

Lucky for me, I was at the back of the pack. I only did a back-check 5 or 6. I noticed Releash Me grinning deviously at her and WTs handiwork.

The trail continued uneventfully along various ROADways, up and down hills, and eventually came to a Hash Rest. The FRBs arrived, searched around for beer, and none was to be found. Those assembled were discussing the horrible fate that would be inflicted on the hares, just as the hares arrived and led the thirsty pack to the BEER! Time passes… Beers are consumed… Capt. Slimey attempts dangerous stunts with concerned father looking on… Dogs range… Jushad talks… Phil McCrackin listens… OK!!! Beer stops over. Check it out! Damn that was a quick beer stop. I was still on my first beer. Oh well.

The pack proceeds down a short DIRT path and up another long-a** paved hill. Across a paved parking lot. Up another PAVED hill. Down a PAVED street, to the ON-IN at WT’s humble abode.

We feasted on Beer and munchies and enjoyed the warmth of the indoors as the stragglers found their way to the end.

The circle commenced – Floss issued Down-Downs with consummate skill. The hares drank for setting a sh*t hash. The BLABs (passengers only) drank. Bam Bam drank for something, which he denied, so he drank for whining. BOBBITs Tequila Bill and Just Stacey arrived, and were awarded accordingly. Just Dan was awarded a down-down for naivete. He thought their last name was really Bobbit.

The hash finally caught up with Hot Lips who’s been skipping the On-In for the last few hashes. I only wish the FRB award had been available, as he’s been the preferred recipient for the last few hashes, but hasn’t been in attendance to get it. 7/16ths has the award, but couldn’t make it to this hash. Hot Lips drank for hash crash. The skid marks on his pants made a convincing case against him. I think Shiner drank with him.

Big Stones, Minkey, Mr. Stiffy, and BBBB drank for being visitors. Bam Bam, WT, and a few others drank for missing the last hash. Another BOBBIT arrived – Road Kill. A water Down-Down was administered. Seems Road Kill doesn’t like beer. How can a hasher not like beer? Well, Road Kill likes sheep, so that counts for something. Right? Country Cock didn’t drink for anything. (that I remember) What’s up with that? Skull’s significant other – Abbey didn’t drink either. Please tell me I’m wrong on these points. I drank for borrowing mittens and a hat from Butt Floss. Big Stones and Minkey drank for borrowing all they were wearing to the hash from various hashers – mostly BBBB. Another BOBBIT arrived – Broken Pole – He was awarded with a down-down, I assume, even though I didn’t see it happen. Jushad was awarded a replacement Poopa Trooper with parachute and all. He was very happy to get the award. He even commented on how it was especially cool that the figure was Batman. Sorry, but I forget who awarded it. Phil McCrackin maybe? Tequila Bill? Someone else? Believe it or not there were many other down-downs awarded. Way too many for my feeble half-mind to remember. This circle was reminiscent of circles past, when the down-downs essentially continued until the beer was gone.

Oh! Almost forgot a very important event. Capt. Slimey just hit the big one-oh. (10 years) He was awarded an Up-Up by Skull and father WT. We sang a cleaned-up version of the hash Happy Birthday song to the young man. Vibrator brought cupcakes and cake to celebrate the occasion.

I think I can safely say that a sh*tty time was had by all.

On-Out, Ball Wrinkle

PS: Other topics of discussion (and possible interest)

– Next hash hared by ET – April 8th, 2PM. Location mentioned, forgotten – exact location will be provided by Butt Floss?

– Hash after that will be set by JUSHAD – April 22, 2PM. Easter theme. Location – JUSHAD’s house out in the sticks.

– Ithaca LIVE Hash overnighter is scheduled for August 25 at Arnot Forest Site. Bring SOAP. Save the date.

– Having a BIG Hash weekend event received significant support. The date is set for August 3,4,5. The Hammond Hill location we used last year is reserved, with alternatives being considered. Volunteers for organizing are needed. Initial planning meeting should be scheduled soon. Save the date. I’ll announce the date to general hashing community. We should try to have flyers ready for Cleveland’s weekend May 18,19,20. Start promoting NOW!!!

– Need more info? Check the IH3 Hash Hotline for details – 607-387-8457 or 607-Dust-4-Jr