A Drinking Club with a Running Problem
Ithaca Finger Lake’n Good ReHash (8/20-8/22/99)
WARNING! ON-ON TATTOOS DO NOT COME OFF IN THE SHOWER RIGHT AWAY — DO NOT APPLY TO FOREHEAD (or foreskin)!
The Ithaca hashers celebrated their 300th Hash this weekend and welcomed many distinguished (?) hashers from abroad. Friday night’s pub crawl, hared by Bam Bam and Nape, packed the Key West bar with drunken, soggy hashers. Ceremonies quickly escalated into a frenzy as we celebrated Toothy’s and the newly named Inspector Speculum’s birthdays with up-ups. Seven Sixteenths was also named and baptized with due process. Since the band failed to show, Calvin Klimax and Muther Cummer took to the stage and regaled us all with hash tunes and general jocularity until the taps were dry.
After registration on Saturday morning, the hashers mounted up and headed for the Finger Lakes Nat’l Forest. Hares Toothy, Skull, Vibrator, and Butt Floss took us through some great forest trail. Several hashers including Space Mann, Calvin, Spread Eagle, and Skull enjoyed a skinny dip at the pond as the rest of the hashers killed the pony keg. The two ladies in the raft– who moments before thought to themselves just how peaceful this little pond is–were kind enough to take our picture for prosperity’s sake. (Their little white animal– it looked kind of like a dog– seemed a bit confrontational, however).
We then mounted up again and headed back to Arnot Forest where Hotter Legs, Oral B, and many others made sure the food was hot, brown, and plenty of it!
After dinner, the hashers gathered in front of the lodge for ceremonial down-downs!! Front running Eagle bastards Capn. Weenie and Hot Lips, as well as Front running Chicken bastard Finger Pickin’ Good were all summoned to drink. Hash crash down-downs went to Butt Pirate, Just-Jeff, and Minnie Brew (Spike also imbibed for jumping over Minnie Brew’s prostrate body).
There were a group of busy bees minding their own business on the Eagle trail, when lo and behold, a bunch of loud hashers came upon them. Unfortunately, the bees took offense at this and stung several hashers–including Small Sack who got nailed in the head.. So, they drank for it (the hashers, not the bees).
Calvin Klimax swallowed beer for short cutting the wrong way and for passing gas on the trail. Pacifiers were given to whiners Wet n Rowdy Bush, Phil McCrackin, and Cherry Patch. In addition, Toothy’s dog Tala was arraigned for eating cow pies (still moist) at the hash rest.
The hot tub was the source of several down-downs including: Snow White for passing out in it, Fuzzbuster for smoking cigars in it, and Ball Wrinkle for leaving his souvenir pink panties by it. Also, Cherry Patch enjoyed a draft for hot-tubbing with her clothes on.
Other notable events included: the naming of Country Cock and F*ck’m and Chuck’m. The hashers also enjoyed the special butt-chugging talents of our own Skull. Their motives unclear, Tu-tu Fairy, Slim Jim, and Hate Crime set out on making corrupt late night visits to the cabins and tents.
When the festivities moved inside, Vibrator’s pinata was busted open to reveal many sordid gifts and sexual favors inside. The band then began to play and things started to get a little wierd. There was plenty of nudity long before the nude hash began, unauthorized wood on the dance floor, hot dog throwing, and at one point, the author found himself falling ass-backwards into the band! During breaks and after the show, Seven Sixteenths kept the hot stacks of wax spinning for our debaucherous dancing pleasure into the wee hours.
Sunday’s hang over hash was hared by Atlanta’s Red Neck Mutha’ and Niplet along with Psychic Pisspot– an Ithaca hasher of old. As the day progressed, the hashers began to go on their way and to reflect on the bizarre events that transpired over the last 48 hours.
And that’s the way it was. Thanks to everyone for a great time!
ON-ON!
Tequila