ReHash #235

No Shiggy at Shindagen

While this author did not encounter much shiggy this past Sunday, but, it did not stop IH3 from having riotous fun at the hollow. Hares Women There? Rebecca, and Bat Girl were reported to have scouted out the territory days in advance and did a good job at that. Testicle Ice Rider was an intended hare but he spent the day sheperding Roadkill’s flock of sheep. Hilarity was had even before the first "on, on" as Nape and Cherry Patch ventured into the woods for relief, but found little due to Women There? constantly crying out "We can still see you".

An uphill start was had but this did not stop some hashers from showing overexuberence with rapid feet. Graham seemed to be on cat nip for the entire hash as he was seen from scouting out false trails, sprinting, creating his own trails, and ripping plants out of the ground with his teeth. Snarling was often heard from the geologists but this was attributed to chemical reactions between the rock heads and some unique mica suspended in the water. Rumours (correct spelling, eh Graham) that he car-jacked some people in all the excitement are false.

IH3 eventually encountered a 30 armed psi (checkpoint?), one arm of which was scouted by Broken Pole, Road Kill, Phil McCrackin, and Wet and Sticky. This had neither a third mark nor did it end with an X so Sticky concluded it was a massive short-cut and persuaded the others to pursue it.It lead to nowhere and all continued on a leisurely run, but Pole, who tried to recatch the pack of wild animals (dogs not included) as he recalled promises of danger ahead by Women There?. Pole found his own danger running across the topo lines finding some wonderful ascents and descents, though he never recaught the hash. A four mile short-cut, inspired by a chance encounter with Bat Girl, put Pole ahead of the hash.

Though not with the hash, Pole somehow had a telepathic link with the harriers and is therefore able to tell of the other "truths" that took place on the run. Oddness started when Nape who leapt atop Bam Bam’s back and rode him down the trail yelling "Move it Male Dog!" as she spanked poor Bam Bam’s butt. As this call briefly reminded False Orgasm of the popular, but erroneous conclusion that all men are scum, she immediately began to throttle poor Bob with a stick until blood shot 4 feet out of his eye-sockets and Katie was required to save him. Katie really just wanted the stick. A free for all arose in a swampy region of the woods and Alex’s plea of "Can’t we all just get along" was answered by all, as he was pounded 3 feet into the soggy ground. He was left for the buzzards.

There was a shaking of hands and the bloody troupe marched down the trail singing Peter Cottentail for some unknown reason and glee filled the harriers souls on the approach the boy’s reform school. It took Women There a full half hour to convince a guard that he was not an escapee and it was not helpful to Mr. There’s cause, that Bubbles pointed to the Skull Tattoo and referred to the detainee as a "Bad Boy". Rrrrrrralph! employed her legal skills and had Women There? released.

It was then that a familiar voice was heard to yell inside the "prison", "Come back little boy, I was a valedictorian at UNC!" We now know why Peewee has not been hashing lately. At this time Skull arrived and provided a timely update regarding Roadkill’s whereabouts and it had something to do with being in the presence of the yak-like cows down the road. No one pressed for more details.

The hash finished as a footrace won by Graham, for which he enjoyed a yummy down-down at Skull’s place. The fashion statement of the weekend was made by Andre (Pop-up?) by wearing a sweater throughout the hash.

After the on-in a small group comprised of Pole, Hungman, Skull, Swing-low, Phil McCrackin, Easy Access, and Women There? made way to The Chariot in order to fulfill there wishes of being offensive in public. Swing Low and Skull did not hold back as they sang, at full volume (this is no exaggeration), songs that would embarrass pimps and prostitutes. Being prudish, and therefore not truly genuine hashers, Pole, McCrackin, and Women There? (oh, please oh, please let there be women there!) raced to the bar for hard liquor as this was the only way they could protect their prisitine souls, but as a result, they found themselves swimming around the bottom of a few glasses. Skull, Hungman, SwingLow, and Access joined into the Mind Eraser races which further greased the joints of these celebrants. A dart game followed and to Pole’s pleasure, the darts sailed aloft the melodic notes of Willie Nelson as they made there way to the board. Most dart flew errantly, but this was largely due to forward actions of Access as she tried to make Pole and SwingLow miss at least two out of three throws as the penalty for such awful hurling was dropping ones shorts. -Yes, we were still in The Chariot-. At one point Swing Low was heard to shout to our waitress Rachel, "Hey, do you want to see Andy’s underwear". The prudish Pole made her turn her back.

Skull was later found near passed out on his bathroom floor. It appears that Skull and SwingLow’s earlier efforts at killing the keg had quite an effect on the slighter of the two hashers.

-Broken Pole