A Drinking Club with a Running Problem
One fine Sunday (last week), I happened to be in town and convinced myself to go hashing before motoring towards the hills. What a good idea too, I hadn’t seen my mother (hash) in quite some time.
Spike and I chatted for a while then headed over to the Buttermilk falls area, for what we knew would be a great time – it always is in Ithaca.
When we arrived we found our hares lounging around. Tits Out For Us was on top of a car pretending to be a book worm, and Dances with Head was laid back sitting on a huge piece of construction equipment.
After a few warm hellos, I pulled out a little trail mix (Saranac Trail Mix that is) to enjoy with those arriving a bit early.
The first fella I met was Pre-cum a visitor from somewhere in Sunny, CA. He didn’t look well equipped for the run tho… his foot was in a huge immobilizing brace.
Soon we were joined by a bunch of other kind faces, including the likes of: Cocktail Frank, Mater Baster, Virgin Mary, Butt Floss, Pippi Schlongstocking, Cocksmith , Just Brian, Porcelain Goddess, Unidentified Feathered Orifice, and Virgin Boris – he’s lived in Ithaca for 5 years and never been to a hash. We’ll now he’s scarred… ; )
Dances did a quick chalk talk for us, ended with ‘Check it Out.’ The pack then milled around for a few minutes before finding trail out of the back of the lot. He had warned me that it would be steep, but not too long. Well, he meant it when he said steep. The trail basically went straight up. There were a few moments of normal confusion with checks, but that sorted itself out pretty easily.
Several minutes later we found ourselves at a BN and looked around for the frothy object of our desires. It was actually out on a somewhat precarious stretch of ground stretching out over a stream bed. There wasn’t enough room out there for all of us, so we created a line led by Floss and Spike. They quickly and skillfully passed back beverages kinda like they used to pass bucket to put out firest in the old days. However, the pack used the liquid to damped their brain cells. Meanwhile, Porcelain Goddess must have had too much energy… she started doing laps down through the stream bed and back up to into the thick of the pack. Note to self – bring Vicodin <<sp?>> for over-enthusiastic harriers and harrierettes.
Next thing you know it, ‘ON-ON!’ was called, thus summoning the pack upwards once more (damned, sadistic hares). And up the trail did go. The pack traipsed through gorges, up a steep embankment or two, and generally found a good bit of wholesome shiggy. Eventually the trail poured out on a paved road, which the pack descended a bit before turning off back into the elms. Okay there weren’t any elms, but it sounded good didn’t it?
After a few minutes of scampering around on trails, the pack did what the pack does – it got lost. Yet, it did a good job regrouping too. …and nothing regroups a pack better than, that’s right – BEER. Yup, we hit our second BEER check. Good thing we found more frothy goodness too… we lost some of the pack. And well… we actually gained one or two. Wouldn’t you know it someone said they saw Extra Testicle riding a hog back on the road we had just cum off of. Yeah, I know, your thinking we saw him drunk, riding a chubby chick. No! It was a motorcycle. PG led a search party (okay it was two half-minds) looking for UFO… and miraculously Pre-cum gimped in to the check. The pack finished quaffing their brews – ON-ON!
Long story short – what goes up must cum down. And we did. My tootsies were quite sore when we finished. No matter. Good trail.
Circle was convened by Master Baster. Nothing to crazy, but definitely eloquent. Folks did their obligatory down-downs.. Let’s see what I can remember (I know some of it is missing). Feel free to correct me.
Down-downs –
Hares: TOFU, Dances with Head
Virgins: Just Borris
Visitors: Pre-cum (from Phoenix)
Bleab / Blab: Spike / ET
Comes latelys / bobbits: Scooby
Autohashers: ET / J’SUAD
Accusations:
– Side-sides – UFO, Master Baster
– Up Up – PG (I was trying to provide support, but it was eerie. Her crotch was staring at me.)
– Head-Who Said Head-Award – Pippy (His locks were shorter so obviously he needed more head)
– Hashit – Master Baster
– Dry Lips – Cocktail Frank
On-After – Lehigh Valley House
ON-ON!
~Scooby Snatch