4/11/15: Trail #750 (+1)
Taughannock State Park
Hare: Butt Floss and The United Auto Twerker
Ankles Over Easy
Assful of white man
Thank you cum again
Old Cock Watcher
Came with a Fake Name
Floss could not remember how many times he had set the Anal Beast or Egg Trail proving once again that Hares can’t count, but this trail was definitely one for the record books. There were 34 Half-Minds on trail and 12 Rolling Rock ponies + one shot at each BN. Competition was fierce for refreshment but Hashers are friendly & drinks (like STDs) were shared freely. Everyone gathered for chalk talk at the back entrance (heh heh) to Taughannock State Park. There were several cute bunnies on trail including Handy and Just Chris. Handy was also carrying a My Little Pony Easter Basket and wearing awesome pants (she would not reveal where she purchased the pants!). We welcomed Virgins Patrick and Gina who were made to cum by Head and Oakus. Cums Latelies took the forms of Hot Lips, CoCo, Trust Me, Oakus, Ankles and Fakey. It was great to see them again in the beautiful spring sunshine! We also had some excellent road whores; Harry CockHer, Rickety Shitter, Utica Chub, Pastor Bastor, Bushy Cholera, Turtle Dick, Old Cock Watcher, DangerWuss and Assful of White Man.
It was not long before we found BN#A. It was like 50 feet away from chalk talk, which is how we like it. Scouring the side of trail, we found all the beers but could not find the shot. Oh well, maybe we’ll find it next year. We’ll blame Twerk for hiding the shot too well and then not doing trail to help us find it.
Trail took us through some very familiar locations – hey, wait! Isn’t this the same trail as last year, but in perverse d’erection? Yes, yes it is.
So, Floss is evidently learning from all his years of setting this trail – this year he lettered and numbered each beer so that we could keep better track of finding each beer at each stop and they were lettered in order of BN and the beers were hidden in a somewhat numerical order. For example, if we had managed to find the second beer near (which we didn’t) the beers would have been labelled with a letter ‘B’ and a number 1-12. Then, the beers were placed around the woods so that if we couldn’t find say, #6 beer — we would know to look in the vicinity between where #5 and #7 had been located. SMRT! Unfortunately, harriers can’t seem to follow marks and the second BN was, indeed, skipped over. The hare watched the FRBs go right past trail and followed them to sweep while not informing the DFLs that they were no longer on trail . So, when all arrived at the BN #C, everyone wondered what the hell had happened to ‘B’. FRBs extraordinaire CoCo, Spike, Fertilize(d)Her and CC were nominated to follow the No-No trail back to gather up all the ponies and the shot and naughty eggs and hard-boiled eggs.
Meanwhile, everyone else drank up their Letter C beers, formed an ill-fated beeramid and continued on trail.
Some notable moments from trail (in no particular order because I can’t remember) include an epic hash crash from Ankles, PG thought it was a great idea to throw her glass bottle into the wicker basket full of other glass bottles, we discovered that Virgin Patrick had ALREADY had sex in multiple places at Chez Floss, Zephyr followed Baster up a tree and had to be helped down, we found a pony rolling rock from a previous year’s Beast or Egg that definitely did not look drinkable, some people could not find their specially-made-by-PG hard boiled Beaster egg only to discover they had been eaten, and mostly importantly – we lost a VERY pregnant Trust Me somewhere between beer near D & E. Fertilize(d)Her got his miles in this day! He ran back to find his spouse, who was last seen climbing the stairs that lead up away from Rte 89, totally not on true trail. Tasty would have been with her but got way-laid by returning FRBs who had triumphed in finding the lost BN. The tiny beers were now quite warm and shaken up but HAD to be drank. We tried to get a money shot of the beer spurting foam but sadly, pony beers just don’t have the power. It was a sad bubble dribble. So while Trust Me wandered off alone and preggers, Tasty ate CoCo’s egg and drank warm ‘B’ beers and allowed Floss to show us true trail, which led up the dirt road to the campground.
It was at this next BN when we realized Trust Me was gone. While Fert went looking for her — several more of us were searching for a very special egg with naughty chocolate inside that Floss was very proud of. It never appeared, unlike Trust Me who did eventually rejoin us. I call that a win. It was also here that we discovered what a basket case Ankles is.
At the water tower BN, CoCo and his skinny gymnast body squeezed into the stairs that climb the outside and he managed to get on top and stomp around on the giant rusty tin can in the middle of the woods. Squeezing back out, however, was apparently more difficult.
Did I mention that there were EIGHT BEER NEARS? EIGHT! So please forgive me that I no longer have any idea in which order they appeared in. I should know, because I am more familiar with this park than any other, but I am a half mind, after all.
At one stop, Thank You Puke Again discovered the stone chimney and crawled inside on his belly only to pop out the top.
At the On-In during circle, some awesome down downs were given out.
~Hot Lips drank for being on national television and refusing to fuel the fire of incendiary journalism (He also has a really cool mug).
~Awards were given out – The “Who Said Head Award?” and the Penis Shorts were brought back by Utica Chub and given out again. However, I have no idea who was on the receiving end of these.
~CoCo received a fabulous Up Up for turning 30, expertly executed by Head and Peeg.
~Kicky generously bought Tasty a wooden mug and presented it to her heart emoticon
~Aaaaand we named Just Travis and Just Chris! I would like to introduce for your admiration Debasement (J. Travis) and LayzHer Pussy (J. Chris). And by introduce, I mean that you’ve already been calling them their hash names for two months because this rehash is THAT LATE. (sorrynotsorry)
On-After was held at Chez Floss where nothing fun happened and no one got in the hot tub and compared asses or threw up or passed out or had sex. Nope, nothing to report there. We’ll try harder to have a good time next year.