IH3 Trail #722: Return of Red, White, and Booze!

Trail #722 of the Ithaca Hash House Harriers

2nd Anal Red, White and Booze Hash

July 6th, 2014

Upper Buttermilk State Park

Hares:

Head to Toe In Utero

Porcelain Goddess

Hounds:

Nurse TaKillya

Brown Hole Delivery

Butt Floss and Phoenix

The United Auto Twerker

Tastes Like 10th Grade

Kickstand

Just No Name Michael

Captain Smashballs

Flesh Flaps

Ookie Cookie

Master Baster and Zeph-fur-pants

Spike

Just Jenny

Hot Lips

This amazing day started like every hash should —> With a sexy harriette arriving on her motorcycle (way to represent, Twerk!) and a visit from park police. After the fastest chalk talk ever, we skedaddled while the po-po was busy kicking young lovers out of a popular illegal swimming hole.  Ookie had done his best to warn them that they were about to be rousted but was also mindful to avoid his own involvement with the fuzz.  Thankfully, the police were not concerned with the harriers and harriettes. Yet.

Due to some prelube activities in aforementioned swimming hole, Nurse, Brownie and Tasty knew where trail started and did a little bit of FRBing at the beginning until Tasty hash crashed in the stream. Also during our little prelube – Brownie showed off his ocean knowledge and demonstrated how our glass bottomed mugs can be used like a snorkel to see under water to find lost sunglasses and dead birds, we learned that sitting on the edge of a small waterfall to pee might catch you a leaping fish, Nurse finds the best holes, and that you might find hares and other wandering hashers if you start trail near an awesome swimming hole on a hot day (though the hares will drink your beers).

On-on through the stream and razor grass the hounds ran, tripping over fallen mossy trees piled on top of each other and following flour wearing our finest red, white and blue attire.

Since we were hashing through Upper Buttermilk State Park during 4th of July weekend and the weather was amazing, there were lots and lots of civilians EVERYWHERE. Many of them were not shy about asking us what we were doing and some were not shy about reporting us to park police or erasing our marks. As we followed trail, several important marks had been erased, ie; YBF and SC.  Luckily, Spike was able to catch up to the pack who had missed the YBF and reroute them back to true trail since they would have eventually cum upon trail again if they had kept going but missed a BN in the process.  As for the park police, we ran into them two more times.  PG sacrificed herself (since she WAS co-hare and Grand Mattress ‘on Bottom’) and stopped to chat with the coppers while we milled about looking super innocent and sober until we realized that there was no beer at the cop-stop and left her behind. She later informed us that the police told her they had heard there were similar marks found at Treman during a wedding just two weeks prior. Coincidence? I think not!

Would anyone like a beer?

At this celebration of ‘Murica, we had no lack of cold refreshment. THREE BEER NEARS AND A SHOT CHECK MUTHAF*CKERS!!!! That’s how we roll in America, son. (Although some FRBs missed the 3rd BN due to temporary blindness, apparently [cough, cough, Floss, Baster, Tasty, Just No Name Michael].)

The first BN was hidden under some leaves on the bank of a stream and was found by Tasty who was rewarded for her eagerness by being given the bikini girl hash shirt. She in turn passed on her spaghetti strap tank top to Kicky, who gamely swapped out of his own shirt.  While we drank our brewskis, Flesh Flaps cooled off doggy-style in the stream and Twerky and Tasty chatted with Just ‘No Name’ Michael who informed us that he’s hashed in a lot of places but couldn’t tell us where and also that in those other places they say ‘No Name’ instead of ‘Just’ when you haven’t been named. He was also the only person who wasn’t dressed in red, white and blue, opting instead for the orange of the Netherlands.  He also noted that Tasty’s beer that she was drinking out of her flabongo would probably kill any funky stuff growing inside it. She insisted that she had cleaned it well before the hash. These words would cum back to haunt her later.

The next stop on trail put the booze in ‘Red, White and Booze’.  Red and Blue cherry bomb jello shots that had to be carried from another location when our first set of marks for a SC had been erased. Wait, does that mean we were supposed to have two shot checks? Damn, I luv this cuntry!  While we slurped down super potent licker-soaked cherries embedded in gelatin, hashers jumped into the waters of Buttermilk State Park next to a perfectly round, submerged hole that both Zephyr and Phoenix fell into with shocked looks on their doggy faces that the ground could just DO that underneath them.  Hot Lips looked a little nervous watching the swimmers from a vantage point on the steps above, next to a ‘NO SWIMMING’ sign, but there is no stopping a kennel on snickerdoodles. Spike offered to make a dirty movie. Asian tourists took pictures.

On-On through the park we found the 2nd BN in a secluded spot off the main trail where Smashballs received the honor of wearing the hash shirt for finding the beer and Tasty was given Kicky’s shirt to wear. Smashballs removed his own shirt to put on the hash shirt and Head’s sharp eye noticed that he was wearing a jock strap.  If your name was Smashballs, you’d wear one too, I suppose. We gave him the hash crash helmet to doubly protect him and dubbed him Captain Smashballs. Just Jenny drank her beer out of the flabongo with much gusto. Another beer was poured into it for Smashballs. As it approached his lips, a big fat hairy spider crawled drunkenly out of the beak hole. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (takes breath) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

We now have a new song in the hash. Sung to the tune of “If your girlfriend tastes like sh*t” —>

If your Flabongo tastes like spider

flip it over

If your Flabongo tastes like spider

flip it over

If your Flabongo tastes like spider

Then it’s probably inside her

If your Flabongo tastes like spider

flip it over

Unfortunately, being the lousy FRB that the scribe was that day, the scribe missed the 3rd BN and can only hope that others will remember with great clarity what transpired at this last stop on the tour of ‘Murica via Ithaca.

Finding ourselves at ON-IN after slogging through 3 feet of water, we circled up in the middle of the stream and drank lots of down downs for things such as;

-R*cism (Kicky)

-Representing the Netherlands during our ‘Murica theme (Just No Name Michael – who sang a birthday song in Dutch for us)

-FRBs who wore the bikini shirt and those who missed the BN#3 (Floss, Tasty, Just No Name Michael, Captain Smashballs, Baster)

-Dog owners (Nurse, Brownie, Floss and PG — and when one hare drinks… Head)

-Spider eaters (Tasty, Just Jenny, Smashballs)

-Asking what a flabongo is even after making up the song herself (Flesh Flaps)

-Getting married (PG and Baster)

-And lots and lots more … pretty sure Smashballs was in circle like 5 or 6 times for being really good at hashing, someone had head gear…

You will find lots more pictures here if we are facebook friends and if you are a part of our Ithaca Hash House Harriers facebook page. I believe you must be both to see them because we’re stealthy like that.

On-seeingstarsandbars-On

Tastes Like 10th Grade