A Drinking Club with a Running Problem
Alas, it has been two long, hard weeks since I’ve seen all of you, and I have been shamefully negligent in promptly delivering a dramatic recount of last hash’s activities and goings-on! A most exciting day it was – the day was sunny, the beer was flowing, Buffalo hashers were in town, a wonderful trail was to be laid, PG’s family graced us with their virgin presence, and we made the paper!
Having caught up with one another, we arranged our half-minded crew on the road for a group photo. The hares were blessed with Gispert’s holy touch of flour, and off we went! Charging into the campground, Pippi yelled a mighty roar as he found trail! On-on we ran, past the loo, the campers, the dumpster, the sign… and back into the parking lot! Oh, what a jolly warm-up that was!
Crossing the road, we charged off trail and into the shiggy. Bushwacking through bramble, root, shrub, sapling, and deer poop, we slogged around a wide arc, finally emerging a hundred yards down the road from a laughing Floss. Cursing his sodden shorts (he had since met Amy, the reporter from the Times), he chuckled as we finally found trail, a narrow horse trail be-dewed with their ample droppings. Without warning, Extra Testicle stopped short: “I FOUND A BUG!” Dances with Head plowed into his backside, stopping himself to marvel at its supple firmness. Yours truly almost did the same, stopping short of turning Dances into Lucky Pierre. Red-faced, we treaded onwards, discovering ever more equine leavings as we charged into the horse campground a ways down the hill. Negotiating several false trails, the hashers discovered true trail took them down the road a ways…
…toward BEER! Sweet, sweet beer! Somehow, the clan Goddess has arrived well ahead of the pack. The pack toasted the arrival of the newcomers from far and near, as they recounted many tales of bravery, debauchery, chicanery, and wreckenry. The reporter had cleverly brought a tape recorder, giving yours truly pause when writing future re-hashes. After many a litany of our noble and storied history, it was decided to continue on – there was more beer! On down we went, into a hilly trail network, stumbling across streams, charging up and down hills, and into a little-known installation: the Secret Bovine Breeding Grounds! Bravely avoiding the fearsome quadruped pack, the hash tiptoed across a large field with antenna, no doubt monitored by FAA, CIA, DoD, FBI, CIA, PDQ and OMFG.
After traversing the myriad land mines – evidenced by the brown piles of cow-rubble that remained – the pack came across more of the Nectar of Selangor. After having replenished their constitution, they charged off again. After a short trail tracking along the edge of the SBBG, the pack came back along the road. The FRBs were scolded severely by MB, who apparently was so eager to find beer that he decided to pursue the wily and elusive Hot Lips, who – unbeknownst to him, had absconded from the second Beer Near without informing Baster. Fortunately, the arrival of the pack meant Circle was shortly to follow.
Fortunately, adequate provision had been made for a truly memorable circle. The hungry pack descended on the spoils of the day: a plethora of victuals! Barbeque, chips, salsa, bread, stinky cheese, chocolate, red and white wine, and the sacred potion of the Hash all were feasted upon by the crowd. Phil McCracken appeared with future hasher to join us. As circle got underway, they mysteriously disappeared….
And by degrees, hilarity ensued…
Hares – PG, Floss
Visitors – Hoots, Udder, SS Crash, Goo
Virgins — Amy, Clan Goddess
*They were all previously warned about the inappropriate content of the circle!
FRB/DFL – Me, Nickel City Guy III, Pippi
Leaving Circle – Spike – but he down-downed for it!
Neglecting Circle – Hot Lips – we miss you!
Head Award – Dances with Head
Marriage Award – Dances with Head, Pussy Pong
Cums lately – Unidentified Feathered Orifice, Bedside Pole Dancer, Pussy Pong
Hashit – ET
*PG was nominated for bringing her whole family and using horrible, unladylike language in front of them, ET was nominated for causing a three-way murky moment, and MB was nominated for missing the second BN.
Hashirt – Dances with Head – Floss left it in his car all hash long, since he was “afraid of the mold” which needed “autoclaving.” You’ve never *heard* such complaining!
Hash Crash – Cocksmith, UFO, both of whom conducted memorable face-plants
Hounds – UFO, PG, Virgin Kassi, Cocksmith/Pippi, ???
There are others, but I must be off!
Love,
~Master Baster