You know the best part of National Holidays? Never needing to change out of your bathrobe, at least until your neighbors start complaining or until your proximity to grade schools gets you put on a registry.
So fuck the kids and fuck the neighbors, and keep the robes on! Then get your buns and hash-holes to Donkey Queen and Just Jesus’ pad for our very first Hash for the Holidays. We’ll have hot buttered rum, eggnog, and IVF nog (that’s what you get when you add the former to the latter). We’ll be ingesting more embryos than stem cell research!
From here, we’ll have a Scavenger Hunt (yours truly, and anyone can have me; I’m easy), showcasing some of Ithaca’s finest dumpsters and refuse receptacles (also yours truly).
We’ll have clues, booze, beers, queers, kittens, mittens, dogs, nogs, queens, peens, meads, and orange feeds.
Wear your bathrobe, and wear (or don’t wear) whatever you want underneath. Some folks like a cool breeze on Santa’s Little Helper, after all. And who am I to discourage you from showing off as much of your elf as you want? Just remember that shrinkage occurs to some more than others.
Luckily for you, we’ll have snow jobs (mother nature provides), blow jobs (hot buttered rum relay races), and taco jobs (eggnog body shots) aplenty for those needing to defrost their frozen poles and holes.
When: Sunday, December 25th @ 1:69pm
Where: 402 N Geneva St. Apt 1, Ithaca. Entrances in the front and back (both Geneva and Court Streets)
Why: Being depressed on Christmas is too cliche
Who: Virgins and dogs welcome, both on leash while on trail. Please rego if possible, so we know how much to prepare.
What: $5 Hash Cash. Virgins are free. Unless you manage to sell your virgins.
Bring your robes and Holiday Cheer (whatever that means for you), and bear witness to the cumming of Our Lord, Just Jesus.
See ya soon!
Ebeneezer Splooge and the Reason for the Season