IH3 Trail #416

It was bright and sunny but oh so cold as I pulled into the bank of Groton in the small hamlet of Moravia. As I pulled in I saw Extra Testicle and Just Pat and Pat’s Daughter Just Katie as well as Bitch Squelor and Jar Jar and Just Chrisse ( could have this name wrong sorry) , Little Oral Anne and Red Crap . Soon we were joined by Woman There and Inspector Speculum and another Virgin Just Daisy and soon Ball Wrinkle and Toby the pucker and skid mark Parker {got together with Hershey to make it an official Hash ( without at least three dogs it not a real hash)} came rolling in followed by Spike, our Harriet’s Harry Condom Junior and Rowdy Bush returned from trail ( in there car, could they have been auto Hashing) and lo and behold out RA came tooling in after a weekend of a conference in Baltimore and hashing in our country’s capital ( rumor has it he hash on Thursday with the Any night but Wed. Hash club of D.C.) and just missing the chalk talk was Road Kill. As we hung out in the bank parking lot drinking beer, eating Red Craps’ Jerky venison ( beef just sounded to decadent) and his adult answer to gummy bears) we watch the stares of the unsuspecting town folks as they and the local law enforcement kept a close eye on us. Perhaps it could be the work of the lunar eclipse of the night before, hmmmmmm. Or maybe it was my Red wig or perhaps it was all the old hashers crawling out of the woodwork .

We soon learned that in Moravia you don’t need snow for your snowmobile just grass, well grass and beer and drugs probably . After the snowmobiler ran around his yard a few time looking for snowflakes, we decided to check out Ball Wrinkles memorabilia, t-shirts and air fresheners and his four caser of Saranac Beer and more beer. After the chalk talk we decided we’d push our luck with the local fuzz and decided we better start searching for trail. Off we went heading towards downtown Moravia, up a side street and what did we find but a backcheck 15. So off we went down another side street and another side street ( I don’t believe Moravia has anything but side street) soon we found out selves running down the high school track and to our first beer stop. Where we found beer and munchies, and everyone rejoiced at the happiness we found. But soon Hershey was barking and pucker was playing keep away with his stick while he and Hershey were trying to knock people over. Parker just watch in amazement at those stupid dogs. But all to soon we were off searching for trail again. A few quick false trails and we were off. Past the cars and banks again and down route 38 and past Fillmore Glen State Park, another back check and into the park we go.

The cold November air and the scattering of snow warm our hearts as we entertain thoughts of a rumored second beer stop were heard. Up in the gorge we went pass towering cliffs and fallen trees past the running brook and waterfalls we went shouting out ” ON-On and when does this trail end” well the answer was never we just keep going up and up and finally we found the fabled second beer stop and yes Harry Condom Jr. had made cookies to go with the beer, and more munchies. Again we rejoiced and thanked God for his inventing of beer and cookies. We had a small dugout over looking a Dam and a manmade waterfalls , but alas it was starting to get dark and chilly so off we went down the North Rim trail . The beauty of Fillmore Glen rivaled that of Fillmore beer in my mug, on we went and soon found ourselves back at the bank where WT had taken care of my dog and Parker ( only to find out later that he was trying to sell them to a bank customer for a $1000. each ) Unfortunately there were not enough Hashers there to collect the thousand from, so the guy wouldn’t take the dogs After a while we decided to head to a bar in Groton to do the On-In as the bank didn’t lend itself to drinking . Plus as ET pointed out we were to close to the school and they frown on beer and drugs, go figure. So off we went again but this time by caravan, after missing a six point deer and a bar that’s right out of Deliverance we came to Groton. At a bar I believe called Farrell’s we found the elixir of youth, beer ( drink enough of it and you’ll be dead before you’re old ). Our RA Dances pulled out some plain T-shirts and a marker and gave our three Virgins shirts . Under the guise of singing there shirts the hashers were able to violate different parts of there bodies. Thank goodness the shirts were long enough to go past there butts, so we didn’t miss signing any of the good parts. The local bar patrons came over to read my ass , I mean my shorts and than one overly amorous patron told us it was her birthday so we dragged her our in the circle and made her drink a beer while we serenade her with Happy Birthday FU. She was so drunk she didn’t know if she should be honored or pissed off. Inspector Speculum did anatomy drawing on Just Kate, it was very interesting. ET was signing the left breast only, while I was signing there butts. Anyways we started doing our down-down. Our Hares got to drink twice as Someone who will not be named, Rowdy Bush had head gear on in the circle. Our blebs and blabs drank. Road kill our blab disappeared back at the bank and Jar-Jar drank for being the navigator. But we did have to Bobbits at the bar Tequila Bill and Taffy Puller showed up to help us drink down-down ( bless there hearts). We than had our three virgins drink, followed by cum lately and dog owners and since we didn’t have any awards to hand out we turned to doing some namings. It seem some people thing my dog Hershey needs a name . I pointed out that he been hashing longer than most of those present but that didn’t seem to matter. So names were flying fast and furious, Stupid F-ing Dog, Stupid Barking Dog, Stupid owner of the barking Dog ( hey that wasn’t one of the names), Hershey Highway, Hershey Squirts, Obnoxious Barking Dog. I’m starting to think people believe my Dog barks to much, he only does that when we are standing around and not on trail. Who has heard my dog bark on trail, no one, he just hates slow starts and beer stops without dogfood and water. Anyways they did decide on a name , which I’m sorry to say I can’t remember. ET volunteered to drink for Hershey at the naming until someone clued him in on what was going to happen he than backpedaled faster than a long tailed cat in a room full of Rocking Chairs. At that point we decided to table the naming and drag just Pat out for a naming. Dances wanted to call her a Big Hunk of Meat ( he was under the mistake idea that she was talking about him) , we also thought about Titdelious, and I forgot the few others we talked about before we decided to table the naming until she did something really stupid on trail or at the On-In. Somewhere along here we closed the circle and got down to drinking and shooting pool. A good time was had by all or at least that is what I remember. If I left anything out please feel free to add on to this rewrite.

1/2 Monty