ReHash #373

Rehash for April 28 Ithaca Hash

Let me tell you a little story…

Alright. Lay it on us man.

An hour before I was due to leave from Fairport, NY for my every-2-week road-trip to the Ithaca hash I got a call from a recently very scarce Ithaca hasher. None other than Skull. He’s in love and living in Victor, NY, but today his romantic distraction from hashing had a paper to write and he was looking for something to do while she was hitting the books. The Ithaca hash w/ Ball Wrinkle as chauffeur was the solution.

We arrived pretty much on time, to a really good crowd. We had 3 hashers visiting from Rochester, Infellatio visiting from Tucson. (thanks Yoda!) Forest Hump – a frequent visitor – here on a last gasp of upstate NY hashing before heading to Washington DC to do some work-related thing. (I don’t know what) More on Forrest Hump later.

We had quite a few “Just” hashers in attendance. Just Jess, Just Clair, Just Brian, Just Mark, Just Lisa, and Just Muff? (Muff tried to self-name a few hashes ago)

If I remember correctly, it’s now several hashes in a row for JJ, and JC. Apparently we haven’t scared them away yet. Have we lost our touch? Maybe they’ll leave when F’em and C’em comes back to town.

One of the male “Just” hashers (JB or JM) came with Infellatio and he says it was his virgin hash. The other(JM or JB) has been sited at one or more previous hashes. I’ve attached a picture. Which one is which?

JL is a virgin hasher. My guess is that she will be back. Just Muff? Well… What can I say? Except he needs a name.

Oh! I almost forgot. Dogs! Ball Wrinkle Dog – Puker, Half Monty Dog – Just Hershey, Hairy Itchy Vine Dog – Just ? were all in attendance.

The usual cast of Ithaca regulars: Dances w/ Head – Hare Scooby Snatch – Yes. You are now a regular. Mr. Stiffy – Visiting from a town in the Twilight Zone called Rochacuse Hot Lips, LOA, Floss, HIV, Ball Wrinkle, Skull, Half-Monty, Spike

The sucky players were all assembled and it was now time to start the sucky hash run. Dances W/ Head (DWH) did a chalk talk for all the virgins and visitors. Explaining carefully to Infellatio about how Ithaca marks differ from almost any other hash she may have been to. A “line” is true trail, a “dot” is true trail, a “Psi” is a 3 way trail split, a “Y” is a 2 way trail split, a “T” is a left-Right 2 way trail split, a “circle” is a check, and an “X” is a false. Simple Huh? I’m not even going to try and explain “BC”, “BN”, and “HR”. Are there more?

If you learn trail marks at Ithaca, make sure and pay attention to the chalk talk when you travel to other hashes, ’cause the marks WILL be different.

The pack took off looking for trail. Eventually we found it. Honestly I don’t remember the gory details of the trail, but it followed the usual theme for an Ithaca trail. Scenic views, extra-sticky shiggy, water, hills, scenic views, BEER, water, dogs in your way, hills, steep hills, scenic views, BEER. I may have missed a few things, like murky moments, hash crash – Wait! – Forrest Hump was all cut up when he got back. Either he tangled with a Wolverine, or he crashed into or onto something. So there’s a hash crash for ya.

We finally made it back to the start and BW broke out some Porn that he had found on the previous days run. Some of the pages were stuck together, but like Homer Simpson says “It’s still Good! It’s still Good!”. Butt Flossy ran the circle with his usual flair. Down downs were administered to the hares. (I know that DWH had help with this hash. Was it HIV?, maybe another too? Help me out here.) Anyway, Skull and Mr. Stiffy got down downs for being comes-lately hashers. All the visitors drank including Mr. F. Hump. Virgins were introduced. (I think I missed this part somehow) Mr. F. Hump drank for hash crash. Spike drank for being a Bobbit (cutting the whole run off) But as I recall he was on some medication so he couldn’t drink – so I’m not sure what happened with that. It started to rain about half way through the ceremonies and steadily increased in volume. Those who had Ithaca mugs, but did not bring them drank. I expect that the BLEAB and BLAB drank. Anyone that hadn’t drank already – drank. Forresht Hummpf drank again. Butt Floss was tilted to the side for his Birthday Side-Side.

Ball Wrinkle was nominated to write the rehash, Half Monty (I think) agreed to set the next hash. I vaguely remember agreeing to co-hare. Do I have this right Monty? Maybe we can get JJ and JC to help us???

We adjourned the circle in the middle of a torrent of rain. The hashers scurried to their cars and agreed to meet at the dog-friendly bar called Castaways for some food and another beer. Forresht Hummpf was riding with Mr. Stiffy, and several hashers were betting each other on whether he would puke in/on Stiffy’s car. Once back at the bar, someone (everyone) started buying Foesst Shitfaced Lump shots. Kim the barmaid spanked him. He never puked, but when he left, he was so happy that he gave everyone a hug and a kiss. Stiffy poured him into the car for the trip back to Syracuse. We ate some food, dried off, avoided the tired dogs splayed out on the bar floor, and basically wound down what was a typical – and wonderful – Ithaca hash.

Skull and I threw wet Puker into the back of my truck and we headed home.

The End Ball Wrinkle