ReHash #351

The Fourth of July proved to be the perfect day for the FIRST ANAL CK & F&C Independence Day Hash.

Flags were waving, fireworks were crackling, and school was out for summer at the Ithaca H.S. parking lot, where the hash convened. No hash virgins, but plenty of hash visitors added to the festivities.

There were Stonz and Minky from the west, Gonna Blow (founder of the Nine Mile Thermonuclear Hash) from the north, and Calvin and Chuckem themselves, who now qualify as visitors from the south, who apparently came up to promote some weekend thing in Ninny Valley.

Seems the start of the hash was a little short on flour, but we eventually found some, with shouts of "Schultzie" replacing the more familiar shouts of "OnOn", thanks to Just Daveed.

Looked like it was going to go right up the gorge, when suddenly, 2/3 of the hash got hijacked straight to an impromptu beer stop at the McCracken estate, complete with hammocks, outdoor armchairs, and BEER.

Eventually one of the real hares came back to find us, and we were off again.

Finally located the FRBs who were drinking in a deep dark tunnel. Navigating the tunnel proved treacherous, but not as treacherous as the gorge itself which it opened into. "You will get wet" was the warning received at the start of the hash. Despite this, there were those who thought they could scale the edge of the gorge wall to avoid swimming.

They were sadly mistaken.

Even Minky’s little ratdogs fell in. Gonna Blow managed to swim the gorge without soiling the American flag she had perched on her back, but her camera was not so lucky.

Once we got back on solid ground, the trail wound up and out of the gorge, past the suspension bridge, where a jumping Calvin scared some tourists right off the other end, and then across campus, down into the cemetery. Suddenly that familiar symbol for BEER appeared once again and we drank a few among the dead.

Calvin led the group in a rousing version of the days of the week, while perched atop the "Wait………." mausoleum.

Then it was on over and out of the cemetery, past a dumpster where a perfectly good young white woman was being placed out to the trash by her associates.

We wondered aloud as to the meaning of this, and where phrases such as "white trash" come from. Our offers to garbage pick her were rebuffed, so we proceeded to the end of the trail without her.

We arrived back at IHS parking lot to discover….SABOTAGE! Someone had floured and trophied all of the hash cars while we were out on trail! It was soon discovered that if you sprayed your windshield with wiper fluid, you could quickly make paper mache to cover your view of the road. Who could have done such an act of hash hooliganism???

Could it have been the rare and legendary Trojan, Grandmaster of the Ithaca Hash?

Rumor has it he was spotted fleeing the scene.

Once we scraped the caked on pancake mix off our windows, we proceeded on to the Independence On In at the McCrakens.

Vibrator baked a most excellent red white and blue cake.

Many down downs were undertaken.

Phil McCracken did triple duty for himself and Vibrator, and the now full grown hasher that is somehow still inside her belly. Mr. Stiffy retained the Hash Crash award for an alleged but unwitnessed gorge slide.

Hares drank, visitors drank, cums latelies drank etc. In fact, some actually chewed their downdowns, thanks to the (killer) spiked watermelon–awesome!!

Then there were side-sides for birthday girl GB and birthday boy Big Stonz, but not without some difficulty. Then we all invited ourselves to Calvin’s grandma’s house in Lansing for a barbeque. No, wait, that’s not what really happened.

We just said that to scare Calvin. It started to rain so we all went home.

Mr. Stiffy