ReHash #262

Rehash #Two Hundred Something
"That’s no pothole, that’s a natural wonder!"

The sight of Wet and Sticky in Pole’s rear view mirror was nearly enough to cause this author to turn and speed off for his safety, but the knowledge that Sticky could be convinced to keep his clothes on with the mere promise of beer was enough to return the courage to this otherwise frightened lion. Another frightening image in Pole’s rear view mirror was Calvin Climax driving along side of Tom for about 3 minutes while traveling down the dusty and crater pocked road. How he avoided a head-on collision is not understood by this author. Arriving at the hash, the harriers were greeted by Joey’s front end alignment and suspension shop in addition to the marvelous malted beverage from Utica which was supplied by Toothy. Motorcycle guy, apparently a roommate of Oral-B, was observed to be motionless for sometime and appeared to be awaiting Peter Fonda.

Hot Lips took charge of the usual introduction to the virgin hashers and off onto one of many uphills the boisterous mass humanity ran. Part way during the run it was noticed that one of our hares was absent for some time. It was then that Naomi ran around a tree and became privy to a most awful sight. Cheyene, canine companion of Hot Lips was observed to be bathing in a usual doggie style, that is, using her tongue. Unfortunately the recipient of that tongue was the crotch of the brightly grinning Josh. Horrified, Naomi grabbed others, and Josh were be forever remembered for this moment. Road Kill was seen to be sulking off to the side, awash in tears asking God why he was not the recipient of such bestial affections. Women There? was likewise jealous, but found 15 other people and animals to pursue within 30 seconds after viewing the offense which made so many harriers vomit.

Dr. Puck, (http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/amr17/puck.html) being such a wonderful doodle dog, gathered the gaggle and led a Teddy Rooseveltian charge up the remainder of the hill. Gathering briefly on a dirt road, the harrier admired the rugby skills of Becca who proceeded to tackle many of those assembled. Strangely she seemed to take hold of Ribbed and did not release him for a good five minutes. Ribbed was later seen running down the road with Becca attached to his back. "Onward young stud" she yelled as she dug her spurs into. . . what else, his ribs.

A short jog down the road was concluded with an On-Left arrow and the harriers continued, would you believe it, uphill yet again. The gravity defying ensemble reached a temporary level point where one harrier picked up a cow flag. Many noted what a great find this would be for the hash, but at the On-In, a great injustice was performed as the flag was not offered up as an award.

Along a beautiful stretch of an Alpine forest carpeted with pine needles and the occasional 1 million gallon bog of mud, the shouts of On-On from the sisters McNeil could be heard by a deaf lady in Macon County, Georgia. During one of these hoots, Kim sank knee deep into some quick mud and was launched shoeless into an even larger mud puddle. Despite being submerged in Danby’s version of the LaBrae Tarpits, this brave harrier, had the courage and composure to emit a "gurgle-gurgle" to lead her compatriots onward.

The sweaty, bloody, muddy, and sometimes moody (Spike: "Are we there yet?!?!) gang often embarrassed by a running affliction, finally made the last climb and were rewarded with quite a splendid view overlooking a pretty lake. The climbing must have been a little much for Progen who, standing atop a large "HR" inquired whether we were collected at a Hash Rest.

Soon the running infidels were rested once again and the reward of a downhill was much enjoyed by all. Climax performed quite a feat of short cutting by sliding his butt down a steep and extended slope. Many thought his hollering was meant to draw attention to himself, butt it was actually due to his great enjoyment of his butt dragging slide. He later said that he had not felt anything like that since his time in the navy. I’m not responsible for what images have just entered your head.

Along a cool and pleasant stream, the runners continued and somehow Roadkill managed to keep his much valued shoes completely dry. During the final descent, a Sasquach jumped out from behind a tree and knocked over poor Naughty Nape. Laura and others came to the rescue of the fallen Nape who twisted an ankle during the attack.

Once again in their vehicles, the heathens, Sasquach included, made little haste driving down the road which resembled the Ho Chi Minh trail during Linebacker II, and eventually arrived at Oral-B’s home for the On-In. Poor (or lucky) Bubbles was at the business end of many an accusation including short-cutting, a "r_ce" violation, catching the sasquach which was later roasted, and other illegal activities. Skull was the recipient of Gi’s shoe for excessive running, though he apparently would have preferred Gi’s shorts. A number of our brethren including Skull, Phil Mckraken, Snugglebunny (Humpback), and Jushad thought the hash not competitive enough and traveled south for a 15K r_ce and were appropriately rewarded upon their arrival at Oral-B’s house of sin. Naomi took receipt of the Pucket for her love of Dr. Puck. General query: Where’s the Captain Andy award to go along with the Pucket? Having found a new job and celebrating his 27th birthday, Calvin was awarded with an up-up determined by the advanced hash math performed by Vibrator which states that side-side + side-side = up-up. Spike is currently working on a proof for this theorem. Rosy Cheeks, renamed Weenie Rider, and Josh, who took on the appellation Doggie Style were christened with others of whom this author was too drunk to notice. Whoops! The debate has arisen as to whether Weenie Rider was truly christened as she bolted from the flying beer like Micheal Johnson on amphetamines.

-Pole