A Drinking Club with a Running Problem
Trail #733 of the Ithaca Hash House Harriers
Double Your Pleasure Sunday Edition at Monkey Run
October 19, 2014
Hares:
Wow Mom Wow
Ookie Cookie
Hounds:
Butt Floss
Captain Smashballs
Master Baster
Porcelain Goddess
Just Katie
Just Jenny (aka Arachnoflobia)
One Trick Dick
Deer Near
Brown Hole Delivery
Nurse TaKillya
Tastes Like 10th Grade
Kickstand
Spike
Thank You, Come Again
Fuzz Nuts
Head to Toe In Utero
Pack N’ Play
Dogs:
Zephyr
Shiggy
Phoenix
Trail got off to a smashing start when Baster sideswiped his brand new car against a wooden post while pulling into the parking lot for chalk talk. PG was none too pleased but did not let it dampen her spirits for long — she didn’t have to teach her fitness class that morning and had plenty of energy for hitting the trail. It was also Ookie and Wowie’s lay and that was cause for a celebration all in itself. Wowie had recently rejoined the hash after a long hiatus and she was already ready to hare. Yay! We were hopeful that she hadn’t forgotten what the marks meant. While hounds gathered in the chilly air, we encountered a lady walking her dog who told us she had seen the flour in the woods and was careful to wipe it out to make the forest pristine again. Turns out, she was the mother of Cocktail Frank, and she was only teasing us about erasing our marks. Considering that most of us there had never met Cocktail Frank, we were relieved to hear she was kidding.
There had been a trail the day before and a couple of hashers were present at both. Your scribe had managed to bobbit trail on Saturday with help from PG and had spent the evening at Head and Oakus’ house, hot tubbing, drinking everything in sight, eating vodka-soaked gummy creatures and playing Thumper and Cards Against Humanity with her hosts and TYCA, Commando Cobbler and Flesh Flaps. Shockingly enough, some of us were not feeling our best when we arrived for trail. Captain Smashballs had spent the evening before in Ithaca, carousing around town with some non-hasher friends and had apparently done the ultimate walk of shame back to his car Sunday morning before the hash, several miles away, and including a bathroom break in a cemetery. Acceptable hash behavior! TYCA’s back and cranium were in agony and Tasty was unsure of her ability to drink any beer. Nurse looked like the Unibomber and once again we were surprised that Just Katie joined us (she’s just so nice!).
Trail was rooty, steep, leafy, chilly, circle jerky and J-hooky. The first J-hook was found by Spike and he traveled back to find PnP to share it with her. PG and Tasty found the first BN and had to fight over who got the FRB backpack and who got the FRB Tshirt. Tasty won the shirt. Fuzzy found the 2nd BN and Tasty had to give up her warm shirt to him, but not before Wowie realized that she and Tasty were standing in the very spot where Steady Head had to drink one too many DFL wine coolers and was heard to remark while nearly gagging, “This tastes like 10th grade.” The second J-hook was found by Fuzz Nuts, who is only 17, so he gave his shots to his mama (Head) and his aunt (Nurse). One of the shots was 99 Bananas. Gross, but apt for Monkey Run. Those underage harriers sure are FRBs!!!
Meanwhile, Baster had brought his own log from the previous day’s trail. The way I understand it, this log, which was ~6″ in diameter and ~18″ long, had flour covering one smoothly sawed end marking Saturday’s trail. He decided to carry it along with him so that he would always be ON-ON. While this was excellent exercise and amusing to us all, it actually came in handy (haha handy) when we needed to cross a stream and there was no easy spot to do so. Gallantly, Baster tossed his log into the water to create a causeway for us to traverse. Forthwith, trail was BYOB —> Bring your own bridge.
ON-IN to Circle. Thank You, Come Again had revealed the day before that he had never had an apple pie before so Head (with very little help from Tasty) had baked him one. Did you know you can buy rolled up fresh crust dough from the store? A revelation in pie making! It was delicious! Baster had to drink from the Sleeve of Shame for crashing his car. Just Jenny got named —> Due to finding and picking up a (unused) tampon on trail and earlier in the summer drinking out of the now-infamous spider flabongo, she shall now be known as ARACHNOFLOBIA!
ON-ON!
Tastes Like 10th Grade