A Drinking Club with a Running Problem
Moon light….street light….sun light….ALL lights…shining through the GD overhead door windows!!! How the hell is a drunk to get some sleep???
I rolled over and nudged the nasty old pussy that had curled up to me during the night. How did I rate this???? Well….at least is wasn’t my bed that the pussy lost bowel control……….
And….so it began…. Another fine day for hashing!!!!
I crawled out of my “nest” and grabbed a quick shower as the other hashers in Cum is Kosher’s fabuloous apartment snored away…
On the road again……… Hit the highway at 10:30 for a “6 hour” drive back to Ithaca to hash. Hmmm….6 hours? Nope…not going to make it in time. Put the pedal to the metal Flossie! There’s BEER to be drank…
Being the conscientious driver that I am….I started text’ing folks as I grew near to home……
Just Brianne….you hashing today? “Yup! Too bad you will miss it!”….NOPE! I’ll be there!…. “WooHoo….more sex on trail!”
PG….you hashing today? “Oh…I don’t know. I’m tired. My body hurts from the gym. I would have to walk…” ……. Wussie!!!
Just Dana….you hashing today? “Don’t know…I’m tired”…. WTF!! GD youngsters!…….. “I would hash if I had a name..”….. Hell girl…get out and hash…and we’ll give you a name!!!….. “I’m tired…come drink with me later….” ….. Another Wussie!
It’s a beautiful day…I’m driving like crazy….and the hotties want to stay in doors. What’s Ithaca’s YHS clan coming to???
Hash Time….3:00 PM I’m still down around Richford. Crap! Gonna be late. Good thing Just Brianne is there to warn them that I’m on my way.
3:20….I pull up to the start….a location in Shindagin that we haven’t been to in ages. Sweet!!! And….there’s trees, bushes, prickers and water all around. Hallelujah!!! Shiggy! None of this pavement crap like in Boston.
I climb out of my car…expecting to hear cheers of joy that I had arrived…… Nope. “Where’s Phoenix they shouted in unison?” Buggers! Then Man-O-Whore comes over and asks to borrow Phoenix’s water dish so K9-Charlie could have a drink. Drink? Hell! I need one of them too! Fortunately….I quickly received “hellos” from folks….and a tasty beverage to enjoy while I changed into some suitable shiggy gear.
Wow! What a motley crew assembled this warm and sunny spring day….
Live hares – Toothy Lunker and Master Baster
Hashers:
Hot Lips
Jiffy Lube
Man-o-Whore
Missed Her Bush
Spike
Just Dennis
Just Elain
Just Bridgette
Just Brianne
Hikers: (yup…hikers. They did trail…all of it…at their own pace…cool!)
Just KC
Just Sue
Just Chris
And of course….yours truly…or is that debaucherously?…..Butt Floss
Soon I was reminded by the hares that it was time for them to be off….and so they were….begging a 7 minute head start…..or was that 10?
After finishing my beer…..I figured it had been long enough. But NO! Jiffy Lube…with her finger tapping her mighty watch….pointed out that we hadn’t given them the time they asked for yet. What???? Who ever waits THAT long??? Hrmph! OK….we’ll wait a little longer…..
Then…we could take it no longer. The hikers having already disappeared up the hilly trail…we were off!!!
Up…up….and up we climbed. Man, this can’t be good! But climb we did. Checks, false trails, YBF’s and Back Checks…we found them all. Our tricky hares were certainly on top of their game this day!
It was on the way up the hill that I had occasion to chat with Just Bridgette. Seems she worked the grave-yard shift the night before…went to the gym this morning…and was now out on trail. Hmmmm….if she can make it hashing on so little sleep….what the heck’s wrong with PG and Just Dana???? Silly wankers!!!
As we were finishing our conversation the pack returned from one of the afore mentioned BC’s. MOW says to me as he’s trotting by….”If I didn’t know any better…..I would have guessed that you set this mess Floss!” I thanked him for the compliment….and headed back on down the trail.
Getting back to where we had just been….I saw a tall man in a sport jacket headed our way….. Son of a gun! It was my buddy Ted from the PourHouse out for a hike. What a strange sight…. As we were chatting, the pack zoomed by and on down into the woods.
Soon we heard the FRB’s shouting out…..BEER NEAR!!! Awesome!!! We hung out…drank the delicious nectar…ate some munchies…and then the hares disappeared. Up through a stream we went. Through more trails and wonderful shiggy we journeyed. On…and…on…and….on…..
The hares must have realized we were getting thirsty again…..fore a short time later….after practically killing ourselves going down a steep bank…..we found BEER!!! Yippee!!!!
While r*cing to the nectar….Just Bridgette some how managed to hash crash and put a nice gash on the back of her leg. Once she got to the BEER she showed her sister, Just Brianne. Being and ER nurse….Just Brianne knew exactly what to do. She promptly smeared mud all over the cut. OUCH!!!! Being an ER nurse herself, Just Bridgette complained about this “assistance”. Feeling sorry for her…I decided to add my own assistance by washing the mud off. I spit BEER on it as a combination wash and disinfectant. OUCH….again! Whiner!!
Eventually our hikers caught up to us. We drank more BEER and then the hares were off again.
We scurried off after them sooner this time. Thinking that we were near the end…I carried the empty BEER container along with me. I was wrong. Silly me! Climbing up to the top of a dirt road/trail….we were met by a couple of guys on dirt bikes. Guess they were feeling kind this day and decided not to run us over as they went down the trail…..
Lots….and I do mean.. LOTS of false trails later….we arrived back at the start where circle commenced.
Unfortunately our hikers needed to leave early and had short-cutted back from the last BEER check. Should have given them the bloody cooler! LOL
But…they were replaced by Bobbit….Tequila Bill!! How nice to see him out there.
And…we began to drink! But…since it’s been so long since trail…I forget all the infractions…….. So….you wankers that remember can add them now. Or…you can just pretend I told you about them all. :o)
It was truly a sh*tty trail on a glorious day!!! Thanks to our hares and all the hounds that managed to get off of…or out of… the couch to attend.
on-next hash this Sunday-on!
Floss