IH3 Trail #511: Six Mile Madness

A pack of thirsty harriers descended upon the Mulholland wild flower preserve for running, drinking, debauching, and saying goodbye to Women There?, who is off to Costa Rica soon.

Present on the occasion were Just Tom, Just Leann, Just Shane (the hashing Tuba’s), Butt Floss, Dances with Head, HumpMe DumpMe, Pussy Pong (who would not be running the trail, for she is a wanker), your’s truly (Bürpenstain), Quasi-virgin Just Joe (who hashed once in Buenos Aires), Road Kill, Hot Lips, Porcelain Goddess, and Liquor Harder, as well as our hares, Women There?, and Master Baster, and hash pooch Just Bullseye.

The hash started, normally enough, with a chalk talk. But this chalk talk came with the additional warning that not all false trails would end in X’s. We were directed to go ‘that way’ to start the trail, and so we did. under the bridge, and back up to the road, then down the road… check here, Y there, Y with no X on the trail sent me off on a wild goose chase. By the time I got back on true trail I was damn near DFL. We hashed our way up to the south hill rec way with Bürpy and Dances bringing up the rear, and then we spotted a BC11 that the whole pack had missed. Shouting at the pack commenced. but not all harriers could hear our cries. FRBs Liquor Harder, Roadkill, and Hot Lips continued down the trail for who knows how far…

The rest of the hash back tracked down to the foot bridge, and down the trail into the gorge. crossing the creek multiple times while working our way upstream the hash endured soggy sneakers and twisted, bruised ankles, until we reached our reward, the Beer Near We played in the water downstream of the waterfall as we guzzled our cheap libations, and waited for the rest of the hash to arrive, they never did… Liquor, Lips, and Roadkill had an extended 3-way murky moment. Also at this rest, there was splashing of hashers by hashers, splashing of hashers by dogs, and I learned that what Porcelain Goddess and I had, that I thought was so special (see rehash of the Beaster Egg hunt) was really nothing, as she had simulated sex with another hasher, right in front of me (that cut deep PG, deep).

At some point we continued the trail, going up the hill towards giles, and back into the parking lot where the hash started, this time we were di-erected to hash the ‘other way’ and we did, into the woods, across the creek, across the creek, across the creek, and across the creek, heading (HEAD, WHO SAID HEAD?) upstream the whole time. Somewhere along the way, we picked up Lil Dimmer, and Strap On. We hashed up the circle greenway trail to the maintenance road that goes to the 30 ft damn, where we found a BN, but it took us a while to find the beer, for Baster had hidden it under a pile of mulch. We were enjoying our brews in a manor very civil by hash standards when we were approached by gorge authorities who forced us to dump the remaining beer, and move on (BOO!). At least she was nice about it… Lil Dimmer volunteered to carry the cooler, and Strap On back to the parking lot (the man is like a pack mule).

So off we went along the maintenance road, till we hit a BC 17 which took us all the way back, past the beer check, and down the hill into the gorge. Upstream we went towards the little damn below the 30 foot damn. where I slipped a little, and the water bottle I had been carrying went flying into the creek. Being concerned about litter, I followed the bottle, flying into the creek for a little swim. I was followed by most of the hash, in levels of undress varying from fully clothed, to topless, to wearing fishnet thong underwear, to just wearing shoes…

After playing in the water for a while, we decided to continue on the trail. After seeing the hill that needed to be scaled in order to follow the trail, WT decided to go back to the cars. The hash started climbing the very steep gorge, grabbing onto the roots that were right in front of your face was the easiest way to maintain stability while climbing… Soon we came out onto a trail along the edge of the gorge, and followed it to that popular cliff diving spot at the 30 foot damn, where trail went over the edge… the hash once again played around in the water for a while before following trail from the edge of the
reservoir over to the steep grassy hill which we climbed and then ran back along the access road and Giles road, to the on-in… Where we found Liquor Harder, and RoadKill (Hot Lips had to leave early, as usual)

We decided to caravan down the road for the on-in, due to our previous encounter with Johnny Law, and Just Joe’s generosity in offering use of his nearby parking lot for ceremonies… A call was placed to Bobbit, Pussy Pong, and we circled up in the parking lot.

All the standard punishments were handed out.
the Hares: Master Baster and Women There?
Virgin: Just Joe
Marking the trail poorly: Master Baster and Women There.
Leaving Ithaca: WT (and when one hare drinks…)
FRBing: Just Tom, and Bürpenstain
DFL: Just Shane
Bleab and Blab: Liquor and Floss
Bobbit: PP
Competition: Bürpenstain
Cums Lately: Bürpenstain
Murky Moments: Liquor Harder and Roadkill had a murky moment for the
whole hash… and Just Shane had several masturbatory murky moments
Nudity: PG, DWH and Floss

And a long MIA hash award reappeared… A blue hashit that (suposedly) had been hidden in the garage of Tequila Bill by JuShUAD
many years ago, was found, and passed on to WT for the purpose of returning the award to hash circulation… In the time that the shirt which shall never be washed was in storage, the usual funk was replaced by a mustiness that only comes with years of being crumpled up in a dark place. WT attempted to pass the award onto PG without first wearing it himself, so the hash laid down the law, and forced him to put the vile piece of fabric against his skin before he could force PG to do the same…

That concludes what I can remember…

The next hash will be hared by Dances and PP, and will unfortunately be the last Ithaca hash that I, or HumpMe DumpMe will be able to attend for many moons, so…

COME TO THE NEXT HASH!!! WE WANT TO HASH WITH YOU WANKERS BEFORE WE GO!!!

And in the tradition of departing Ithaca Hash scribes such as Hound
Whore (who requested my naming prior to his departure from the Ithaca
Hash), I would love to see the naming of some of our newer hashers, so
think about names for all of those unnamed wankers…

On-on,
Bürpenstain