A Drinking Club with a Running Problem
Hash No. ???, Friday, July 28, 2006
Scene of the crime: Multiple seedy drinking establishments in the vicinity of the Ithaca Commons.
Perpetrators: The Ithaca hash and multiple strays from as far away as Jacksonville Beach H3, FL.
The Crime: Not enough beer consumed, and a suspicious game of Poke-her.
Details:
It was a warm, sunny afternoon when Pussy Pong and myself came strolling down the Ithaca Commons to join in on a “New Moon” pubcrawl hash, when we came upon Mud-Man and Robin Wood wandering aimlessly and eating pizza, just outside Center Ithaca. “Follow us”, we said, and led them to the dark and shady Moonshadows Tavern.
Once inside, and before the pitcher of beer was filled by the barperson, we were accosted by several more suspicious hashers – Floss, LOA and Pippi, then Spike, and soon followed by Hops On Pops, and a bunch of virgins that would come to out-number the Ithaca hashers! Among the virgins were YTBNs Cathy, Natalie, Marni, Cindy, John, Yolanda that actually particiapted in introductions and trail, we scared 3 others off before trail started! Also, Just Carolin is an unnamed hasher of 5 years, started in Guam, lives in Gainesville FL; and Hops On Pops is from Jacksonville/Gainesville, FL. Apparently she’s been hittin’ trail quite a bit with some other former Ithaca Hashers, Sphincter Sicle and Pond Scum. There were the usual greetings, and a song about who had head (HEAD?!, who said head?), just to warm the virgins up a bit. Soon (ok, not so soon, but eventually), we moved to the back room to attempt a chalk-talk, and then I grabbed a piece of chalk and ran out the back door like a two-bit criminal, running this way and that around the streets of downtown Ithaca.
Once the hashers noticed I was gone, they took off running for me. Pippi found me first, seated innocently in Pete’s Cayuga Pub, but the rest of the crowd soon joined in as well. We lost a couple virgins to dinner at The Lost Dog, and another, Just Cathy, demonstrated her exotic dancing skills, and we all drank some more beer.
This time it was Spike’s turn to run away like a criminal, and he led us to that no-good place called Felicia’s Atomic Lounge. Fortunately, Felicia had beer for us, or I don’t know what we would’ve done! Hops On Pops introduced us to some Red-Headed Sluts (the shots), too!
ButtFloss grabbed the chalk and ran next, leading us on-down to Uncle Joe’s Sports Club, where we found yet more beer. Some of the virgins flirted at the bar, and we all had fun.
… But after a long delay at Uncle Joe’s, MudMan, Robin Wood and Just Cathy grabbed the chalk and ran out the door. When we ran after them, all we saw were chalk-drawings of hot, nekkid wimmen on the sidewalk, which we followed with glee. So gleeful, in fact, that we soon got lost, and were accosted by the very hares which we sought to catch! And where did this occur? – why right next to Uncle Joe’s, of course – it was a circle jerk.
The unfinished pitcher of beer was still there, and someone bought another, and we had a randy ol’ time. We almost did circle right then and there, but no, Hops on Pops said we should round up the guilty at the original scene – MoonShadows. So one last time, we ran off after Hops, up and down the streets. While passing by Chanticleer, a long-time fugitive from the Ithaca hash ran out and joined in the throng – none other than Skywacker!
On-in to Moonshadows we went, and took over the front of the bar for all manner of passersby to see me mess up circle. One thing I’ve left out thus far is the Poke-Her game that we’d been playing on trail all evening – Hops On Pops handed out one card to each of us at each bar, in a game of 5-Card Stud. It turned out that there were several outstanding hands, but Little Oral Annie, who’d been given 5 cards just like the rest of us, had the winning hand – Six of a Kind (queens)!!! So circle soon commenced, and Hares, Poke-Her champs, virgins, cums latelys, and all other manner of wankers drank for their crimes.
Truly a Shitty trail! Many thanks to Hops On Pops and her no-longer-virgin friends for visiting us here in Ithaca,
On-on,
-Dances With Head