IH3 Trail #494

Hare: Hairy Condom, Jr.
Location: Stewart Park
Amount of beer drank: lost count
Rehash author: Lord Bürpenstain
Wankers present at the start of the hash: Little Oral Annie, Women There?, Butt Floss, Pippi, Cocksmith, Just Nadia, Spike, Nut Roper, Virgin Just Joel, Visitor Europee’n Whore, There might have been more of you, but your presence was registered in one of the brain cells that I lost during the hash.
Additional wankers seen before the day was done: Tequila Bill, Puker, Ball Wrinkle, Dances with Head
Big news revealed at the circle: read the damn rehash if you want to know, I’ll write about what happened at the circle when we get the part about the circle. GOD! Kids today are so fucking lazy, they want every thing handed to them; they don’t want to do any work for their rewards… Every thing is NOW! NOW! NOW! Go ahead, read, it’ll do your pathetic ass some good…

As I ran toward the big bunch of wankers gathered around some flour on the pavement, I was chastised for having run to the hash. But this was alright with me, because I could take my punishment at the circle and not have to worry about driving home. Very shortly after my arrival, but not before WT saved me from being the BLAB, we were off checking trail. Around Stewart Park we went, with every single hound except for Pippi using some form of short cut within the first half mile. We then crossed a couple of foot bridges to go over by the golf course, past the shopping cart grave yard, past the TCAT bus barn, past the haunt, hey wait, they have beer there, why are we still running? Across another foot bridge on the bike path that goes to the farmers market. Jackpot! Beer Near! I opened up a PBR and began drinking. Europee’n Whore and LOA took turns draining their bladders in front of cyclists coming down the path. We discussed Sideshow Jesus, and the bad habits he has acquired since moving south, Hairy Condom, Jr. even mentioned the dreaded ‘R word’ during the conversation. We also notice that Nut Roper was wearing some sweet sox!

Then, after a little bit more public urination, we were off again following flour in hopes of more beer. The flour led along the bike path, past the farmers market, and soon, we were following railroad tracks that took us back to with a dozen yards of the BN we had just sloshilized at. As I went looking to see if there was still sufficient beer to use this beer near twice, Just Joel found trail leaving the vicinity of the beer near. Reluctantly, I followed him. The hash soon was divided, as Just Joel Crossed rt. 13 and came upon a check while the rest of the hash was waiting for a chance to cross rt. 13. Once the hash got across the street we scattered from the check, eventually determining that true trail went over to Cayuga st, and up toward the middle school, then under rt 13 next to fall creek, across the rail road tracks, into the woods, past many intersecting trails, and out the other side where we found the on-in. All of this with out any Y’s or checks. It seems Hairy Condom, Jr. was running out of time when she set this leg of the trail. But that is OK I guess, since HC Jr. had such a big night last night (keep reading, damn it, I am not going to tell you here! I didn’t find out until the circle, you have to wait too!).

As we stood around waiting for the hare (ya see, she had the keys to the car with the beer in it) we noticed that Tequila Bill’s car was in the parking lot. As more hashers exited the woods and began to cross the field toward us (and the beer), we spotted TB, and Ball Wrinkle. We couldn’t see BW’s truck though… Soon BW had driven his truck over from a different part of the park, unloaded hash pooch puker, and we got around to starting a circle.

We punished our hare for having set shittily.
We punished her again for not taking off her hat.
Just Joel drank for being a virgin, Nut Roper made him cum.
EW drank for being a visitor.
Pippi drank for FRBing.
Pippi drank for being injured, and under medical advisement to not run, while front running.
Cums Latelys drank, there were several of us… (Nut Roper (we should have made him drink twice) WT, BW, Floss, LOA, Pippi, Cocksmith, Myself…)
I drank for having run to the hash.
I drank again because Hairy Condom, Jr. told everyone that I had gone to a competition in Cortland last Saturday.
Hairy Condom, Jr. drank again for having mentioned r*cing at the beer near.
I noticed something shiny on her finger, and demanded an explanation and that if ET had decided to pop the question, that she must drink.

It’s true, Hairy Condom, Jr. and Extra Testicle got engaged Saturday evening. Hairy told us the story, while the hash peanut gallery (Pippi) chanted ‘Faster, Funnier’. The proposal involved the Iron Kettle, a fake chicken (being choked?), an egg, and some missing panty hose. If you want all the details, ask Hairy (and congratulate her on her sufficient lowering of standards to say yes to ET). And Hairy herself learned that you should wear the engagement ring on the left hand, rather than the right.

There you go, that was your big news. Don’t you feel much better having read this far to learn this? Isn’t it so much more satisfying this way?

Pippi (complete with lisp and limp wrist) demanded that I do a ‘metrosexual down-down’ for having noticed the rock on Hairy Condom, Jr. I don’t know how metro a down-down can be… But I drank anyway… I made Women There? Join me because he admitted to having noticed the rock before I did, but also noticing that it was on her right hand, and therefore not mentioning it. He protested, so we made him drink for whining.
Spike did a dry lips down-down.
TB was about to give the Hashit to LOA, but the hash convinced him to give it to me, since I would have to carry it home on foot. Thanks to PP and her swift, quality rehashing of the last I hash, I knew WT was in a similar predicament last week, and weaseled out of getting it due to not wanting to carry it on foot. It seems WT is better at weaseling than I am… I did receive the Hashit.

Since Hairy Condom, Jr. was still somewhat elated about her recent engagement (give her a couple more weeks, she’ll realize what she has done), and the hash was among the shorter ones in recent memory, we headed over to the Fall Creek house for a couple of pitchers of on-after action. EW gave me a ride, since she didn’t know how to get there, and I didn’t bring a car. We sloshilized together at the creeker, and just as most of us were deciding it was time to move on, Dances with Head showed up. He was apparently too busy writing his thesis for hashing. We should give him some extra punishment at the next hash…

Speaking of the next hash… Who’s our hare?

On-on,
Lord Büprenstain