IH3 Trail #475

Subject: treacherous trail – rehash #475?

Sometime after I finished eating lunch and started to thirst for beer, I decided that I should make my way over to Burns road so I could hash. I was running a little late, and figured I might be the BLAB, This appeared to be the case, but what I was surprised by was the fact that I was also the BLEAB.

Where were all my fellow hashers?

Our ever loyal hare, Dances With Head, was the only hasher to be found. After a couple of minutes of discussing how crappy our weather, and hash turn out were, DWH and I decided, that we would run to the beer stop together and drink a couple of beers so Dances would not have to carry full cans of beer back up the hill to his car… And we were off. Discussing such random topics as why that wanker Spike never sets trail, and how the trail conditions had degraded quite a bit since Dances set the trail.

Down into the gorge we went, and then down some more, and down… to a hash view. This hash view was nice when Dances set the trail (looking out over the fog bathed reservoir above the 60 ft dam), but in the time since the trail was set, the view improved greatly! The Ithaca College girl’s tennis team was initiating new members. Their rituals were strange, but pleasant; all of the girls who were new to the team were naked and splashing water on each other in the reservoir (At this point I must inteject that I run in this area regularly, and before today, I had never seen more than 3 beavers in the water at the same time). The senior girls asked Dances and I to help administer spankings to the freshmen as they exited the water. Being the gentlemen that we are, we obliged them. After countless hours of assisting in these ‘rituals’, the girls were satisfied (and how!), and went back up to their campus. With that Dances and I set off along the trail, hoping to find beer.

Before we succeeded in finding beer, we found two dogs, followed by Ball Wrinkle.


Up and down the side of the gorge we went slipping in mud and grabbing roots and trees for traction.

Down by the creak side we found beer. Seeing as we were at a low point in the trail, and our hare was going to have to carry the undrunk beers back up the side of the gorge, we made this an extended beer stop (BW and I are always willing to help out). And then it was up-up, up-up, up-up we went. Losing trail repeatedly, but not really caring about it. As we neared the rec-way we saw a letter on the ground, it was a P. Had Pussy Pong’s swashbuckling crime fighting alter ego graced with her presence? No, it was a P for PRIZE. DWH was attempting to reward athleticism by leaving only 3 beers at the trail side. Well his plan was foiled; there were only 3 hashers, and even our sweeping hare got to have beer.

Back at the trail head we held an abbreviated circle because it was fucking cold, and raining. BW drank for FRB and BLAB; yours truly, Burpenstain, drank for BLEAB and a hash crash; DWH drank for a shitty trail, and something else, I think… Circle was broken, and off we went to our respective homes.

On-On,
Burpenstain

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ReHash #475b (b for BEER)

*Just for the record, no kittens were harmed during this trail, although all of us were pussies for not doing trail $475a*

It was a dark, rainy, blah day as Floss, LOA, Arlo and Maxipad were all standing around , looking at the new hole BF made in the bathroom ceiling that they had to spend time repairing instead of going out drinking and hashing, when all of a sudden who should show up but Arlo’s mom and dad.

Like always, Pippi was on the phone with his other wife (Tutu) who it turns out was making his way past our house at any minute for a quickie with Pippi (or something like that) before returning to State College. Tutu arrives shortly saying something about being too hung over to drink anything but water and that he had tried to keep up with BW who left him in the dust on the thruway, but ended up somehow in tburg. 

After Pippi came up with some excuse for Ball Wrinkle for how! it was all CSmith and LOA’s fault that they weren’t hashing the real trail, and we forced Tutu to down-down a glass of water, we decided to form a contra-hash in the village and were off. We slowly made our way down main street towards Ron Don’s Village pub with tutu in tow complaining about the rain and the distance but we continued to push him on-onward and wouldn’t allow him to turn back for his car. 

Just as we were admiring the infamous "Hershey Circle of Puke" spot, Pippi notices suspicious signage on the back of a jeep parked at the car wash. One sticker was an on-on foot, and right next to it, was a sticker that said "26.2" – of course, it had to be Bedside Pole Dancer! After twisting her arm to stop sucking and come out for a drink (that took, like, 0.5 seconds!) and getting her to "phone home" and convince UFO to leave her own spackling job for a beer, we were off…. Ron Don’s hash conversation included serious talk of intern! ational hashing protocol, gambling, and other drunken nonsense.

After a few beers we were on-on to the next drinking establishment, this time in cars. Being led to the next destination by our new hares, UFO and Bedside who took us to the American Legion. After playing several fun pull tab games with no one winning, we took to drinking beer while playing a game called 31. Some people also took pictures of this hash, hopefully they will send to Dances so he can post on the web site. 

We must have had a lot of drinks because we forgot to give down-downs for the hash, but there could have been many given out – and here’s what they would have been:

BLEB & BLAB: Pippi & UFO respectively
VISITOR: Tutu Fairy, Nittany Valley
HASH CRASH: UFO for falling out of her chair during 31
HASH CHIVALRY: the man who actually knocked UFO’s chair out from under her came back in a few minutes later with a long-stemmed red ! rose!
HALF-MIND LIGHT BULB AWARD: whoever came up with the idea for a hash shirt that says 2.62 with an on-on foot as the decimal point
OVER ATHLETICISM: LOA and Floss for doing the snowshoe race on saturday in the grass/mud, let’s hope someone at hash #475a gave Burpn’stein a down-down for this too!
AUTO-HASHING: all of us
FRONT-RUNNING BASTARD: CSmith for playing conservative and hanging on to her money for most of the game
OVER-ACHIEVER: Bedside for actually coming from behind to win the game
ANYTHING I’M FORGETTING hash #475b’ers?