ReHash #397

It was a long, dreary, and f***ing cold winter. It seemed like it snowed for months nonstop. Then spring came, the snow started to melt, and the weather warmed up a bit… and the hashers came out to play!

It was a beautiful day for the 397th (?) Ithaca hash, and a good number of hashers showed up. There was Ball Wrinkle, 1/2 Monty, Just Mark, Butt Floss, Little Oral Annie, Bitch Squealer, Jar Jar Twat (more on her later), Phil McCrackin, Roadkill, Women There, Dances with Head, and dogs Hershey and Puker, and of course our hares Extra Testicle and Harry Condom Jr. Apparently Hung Man stopped in for a few minutes also before leaving… not being healthy enough lately to go drinking and playing outdoors.

So after wasting a lot of time bullshitting, ET gave the chalk talk, and we went checking for trail. DWH found a few marks and everyone followed him, only to find a false. DWH found a second trail… no flour, but nobody cared, they followed anyway, until someone commented “Hey, why are we all following Dances?.” And they were right of course, it wasn’t even a false trail, much less true trail. So the hares took pitty and showed us where the true trail was…. up the road to an intersection… and there was a Y. Our fearless hare Harry Condom Jr lead us to the right, and naturally some of us followed… but that sneaky hare lead us straight to a false! On Left it is!

From here there was lots of downhill road-running (meep-meep), with no wiley-coyotes. Just Mark and Floss lead the way, the dogs kept running out into the road, DWH moaned with a hangover from the previous night, and the majority of the hashers took their time enjoying the beautiful weather. Some took bets as to when Hershey was gonna get hit by a car, others bet how long till Dances would get sick. Shortly, however, we found a wonderful mark… a BN!!! And the hashers rejoiced.

BS, ET, and JarJar Twat enjoyed de-pants-ing and stuffing ice down each others clothes, and Floss showed us all his Irish weiner. But eventually we ran out of beer, and began running down the trail looking for more. Most of the hash marks had disappeared though, and we figured on just going straight until we got lost… and the fat boys (BW and Dances) lead the way. After outrunning everyone by a long way, we came to a road, where Scooby Snatch and his virgin bitch Just Jenna were waiting for us by a BN! BW went straight for the cooler of beer, and after the three of us grabbed our share, he dragged the cooler out into the lake and set it on a mini-iceberg.

Slowly the other hashers trickled into the rest stop, and the brave ones ventured out to the iceberg for a beer. Soon Bitch Squealer and Jar Jar Twat were wrestling half-naked in the freezing water, and BW was trying to get others to go in for a dip as well. But soon, again, we tired of this show and the beer ran out. So ET lead some hashers through the middle of nowhere on true trail, while most of us short-cutted by walking 100yards up the road to ET & HCjr’s house, and Phil took off to go home. A bbq was lit, and we grilled weiners and burgers and drank beer. Bitch Squealer squealed “I lost my keys on trail” and ran looking for them, and Tequilla Bill showed up. After food and sitting around, BS came back with her keys, and the down-downs began. Floss and ET bumped their decorated dicks together for a few pictures, ET gave away his third testicle to Butt Floss, and ET drank often for “hat in the circle,” and many other down-downs were given out. Just Ang was re-named JarJar Twat, and stripped down to be christened with Bitch Squealer (who was named but never christened). After closing the circle, those that stuck around got to enjoy the drunk ET playing baseball with beer cans, when he was banned from using his firearm.

Thanks for a great hash ET and HCjr!

On-on,
Dances with Head