ReHash #394

Rehash 02/02/03

Ah….the beginning…..

It was a beautiful, sunny, summer afternoon. So, I decided to hop on my bike and peddle around town. It was Grassroots Festival weekend, so I headed in the general direction of the Trumansburg fair grounds. Over on South St., I ran into an interesting pair of people running around and throwing something down on the ground. As I approached them, I could see that it was a white substance. Anthrax? Naw…couldn’t be. It was 1998, and no one had heard of such nasty possibilities at th! at time.

When I enquired as to what they were doing, the happy pair informed me that they were setting a Hash Trail. WHAT THE HECK IS A "HASH TRAIL"!!!???????? They laughed, explained, and then invited me to join in. For some unknown reason, I declined.

Time passed, and I forgot about the curious couple and their funny trail markings.

As winter set in, it was time to begin the indoor volleyball league in Ithaca. Horrible courts, but a great group of people and challenging play. While talking with my friend Dana, the conversation turned to running. Something we both enjoyed in addition to volleyball and chasing women. Eventually, the events of the previous summer creaped into my mind and I related them to Dana, though I couldn’t remember the name of the group the couple was associated with. "Oh, the Hash House Harriers." Dana exclaimed. Seems he too was a part of this secret organization. He invited me to join in with them, and guaranteed that I would have a great time. I wasn’t convinced yet, but said I would think about it.

Now, winter is long, and there isn’t a whole lot to do. So, I also played volleyball in Trumansburg with another group of friends. My friend Marvin and I would often speak of running in between games. When I mentioned my recent conversations with Dana….and the events of the past summer…..Marvin just began to grin from ear-to-ear. Seems he was a "hasher" too!!! Man, what a small world. He said that all hashers have "hash names" to protect their nerd life from the stupid things they do while hashing. His was "Hot Lips"; Dana’s was "Hung Man"; and the couple from the past summer, by ! description, were none other than "Toothy Lunker" and "Skull". Dang! This group was sounding more and more interesting every time I started talking about them! Coincedently, Marvin, or Hot Lips as he preferred in hashing terms, said that there was to be a hash the upcoming Sunday. And…..it was to be right there in Trumansburg! This time, I had no excuse for bowing out of the invitation. I agreed to meet him at the start point.

So, there I was…..at "Just Mac’s" house over on Frontenac Rd. (I later learned that the "Just" part of a name indicates that you haven’t done anything dumb enough yet to warrant a true hashing name. For now, I was "Just Mad Dog".) This hash was a special one, in that they had a hash-brunch before the trail was to actually begin. Boy, did I ever miss out on some fun……everyone I met was three sheets to the wind!!! After a little more drinking….(sounding like my kind of crew already)….the trail was explained….and we were off!

Well, that was January 1999…..and now it’s February 2nd, 2003. I was musing to myself about how I had gotten mixed up with this group of drunken half-minds as I was preparing the necessary items to cook waffles at 7/16’s, (formerly "Just Mac"), Hash Brunch Hash taking place once again at his home. LITTLE ORAL ANNIE was fretting about our attire….both in "Eerie Gear" and sporting "Terra Porcus Lux" shirts and hats. "They will surely give us down-downs for being twins" she whined. "Hot Dam, I sure hope so!" I replied….already thirsty for a cold beer.

We arrived at 7/16’s crib just in time to chow down on some scrumptious stuffed mushrooms provided by Half Monty. There were also "Just Michelle’s" (7/16 love slave/wife) lovely muffins and ample fruit lying in wait for our voratious appetites. Wow!, what a host…with a hostess having the mostess….. As I made myself a strong mimosa, and washed a few dishes I needed for the waffles, others began arriving with more goodies…ET with fixin’s for omelet’s…..Calvin Klimax with OJ for more mimosas…..hhhhhhmmmmmmm……..YUM! I’m sure there were others…but I was busy playing Flossy Homemaker and getting the freshly thawed strawgleberries ready for the first batch of golden brown waffles. Whoooosh!! They were gobbled in a second.

As everyone ate, drank, and talked (some spoke of the previous day’s "sporting" event….they would drink later for their transgressions..), more hashers arrived. There was Bitch Squealer, Dances With Head, ET, Hot Lips, LITTLE ORAL ANNIE, Scooby Snatch, Hung Man….with a Virgin…"Just Dan" I think, Ball Wrinkle, Calvin Klimax, F’em and C’em, Spike, Half Monty, Road Kill, Tequila Bill, 7/16, Butt Floss, and Double D…all the way back from the Colorado Hash for a visit. Nineteen hashers in all….or so I was told. Who did I miss?

With that many half-minds in the house, it didn’t take long for 7/16 to throw us out in order to run the trail he set……and give his sweet daughter, Rachel, some piece and quite. As I was leaving, I mentioned to "Just Michelle" that she should have the whole mess we created cleaned up before we returned. I ducked out as she was looking for a heavy frying pan to heave at me….

And….we were off!! But not before 7/16 showed off his fancy blue squirty bottle of trail marking fluid. Had it been light brown in color I would have sworn it came from his daughter… Most of the trail was marked in flour fortunately…

The usual false trails were in abundance. But, we finally made it up past the cemetery and over into the school parking lot where we found our first special marking…..a circle check with and "X" in the middle of it. This, as it had been explained earlier to those sober enough to pay attention, was a "clue check". It turns out that our hare had more up his sleeve than a spare beer….. "You go into the woods and find it….You sit down to seek it….You go home with it"…or some crap like that. I didn’t listen to well. I was busy searching for the beer…..NONE TO BE FOUND!

Off again….around the school…Butt Floss playing FRB….how the heck did that happen?…..FALSE TRAIL!!….Back of the pack again where I was more comfortable. After running around the block a few times, we ended up down at the infamous T-burg Puke & Choke grocery store where Spike was quick to spot the next clue near the Circled-X……loaf of bread…..dog food….eggs….condoms….juice….Vaseline….. Spike hadn’t quite finished reading the strange clue when all of a sudden F’em and C’em came walking out of the store entrance with a piece of paper she had found on the bulletin board. "What’s black and white and read all over?" Heck!, even a half-mind like me could figure that one out. ! Failing, ONCE AGAIN, in my search for beer, I grabbed a paper and set off on trail. Shoot….another false mark!

The trail led across the street and up the hill past the village fire siren. The house across the street from it was for sale. 7/16 thought LITTLE ORAL ANNIE and I should buy it. I think not…..darn siren is too loud a mile away where I live now….don’t need to be closer!

The FRB’s, led by Double D, took the pack down hill….a long ways….to a BC9….I think. (I didn’t get suckered in….this time…..home court advantage….) True trail led around the corner and past Trojan’s house. (More memories of my first hash flittered through my mind’s eye…..Calvin Klimax getting tossed into the hot tub with all of his clothes on by Space Man. Seems he was trying to make off with the clothing of the happy hashers already in the warmth of the tub.)

Further down the road the trail took a right through an old roadway and up to the remnants of an Agway silo from days gone by…..and….another one of those funky Circle-X marking. But, dam the clue!!…there was BEER this time!! Woo Hoo…much rejoicing commenced as the sweet, nearly frozen, nectar was consumed. As our witty hare was reading the final clue: "What has a neck, but no head?", Trojan himself made a short guest appearance. Complete with old socks on his hands for mittens. At least they didn’t have holes in them like most of mine. As I chatted with Trojan while sucking down the beer from the long necked Michelob in my! hand……I pondered the clue…..

Before long we were off…..even though the BEER hadn’t been finished…..to cold and windy there….

A few more turns….and we were back at the start.

As I entered the house, watchful for that frying pan that "Just Michelle" had obviously been searching for when I left so abruptly earlier, much to my surprise….the kitchen was perfectly clean. AND, she was just pulling out some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies for us. Man!, what a treat this hash was!

Dances led his usual circle…complete with badly phrased songs….assisted by Half Monty’s even worse recollection of the order of the verses…..

The hare and his Mrs. drank for the s h i t t y trail and event.

The virgin drank

Hung Man, Road Kill, Tequila Bill, and Scooby Snatch drank for Cumslately’s

Half Monty drank for BLEAB

LITTLE ORAL ANNIE, Ball Wrinkle and Butt Floss drank for looking like a set of triplets in their Eerie Gear

Double D charged Vibrator to drink for not showing up to the hash after promising that she would. She wasn’t there, so Double D drank for her. Good plan Double D ;o)

Double D drank again for being a visitor

Dances With Head was awarded the Hash Crash Life Vest for a splendid face plant that I missed.

LITTLE ORAL ANNIE got the Horses Ass award for being the first hasher to finish the "sporting event" from the previous day.

LITTLE ORAL ANNIE, Hot Lips, and Butt Floss drank for participating in said event

Bitch Squealer drank for….what else….squealing on some one….

Hot Lips drank for being at the circle long enough to be charged with a drink

Tequila Bill drank in memory of his naming at a previous Hash Brunch Hash at 7/16 (I finally got to hear the story on that naming. Appears that TB didn’t know the difference between Scotch and Tequila. Bet he does now! LOL)

Others drank and were happy for it.

As the circle was coming to a close, 7/16 invited everyone to remove their clothes and step outside for a group photo. Seems that he is trying to get into the next Survivor Series and he thinks that being associated with drunken, nekkid hashers will help. Who knows, with the likes of Little Oral Annie in the shot…..it just might!

Good luck 7/16…and thanks for a totally S H I T T Y Hash!

On-Out,
Butt Floss