ReHash #385

It was a dark and stormy night. Eva lit a candle and, after a moment of looking out at the rain and lighting, pulled the drapes shut. The thunder claps made the china rattle in the cabinent and Eva knew it would be another sleepless night.

Oh wait, thats another story.

The Hash:

It was a bright and sunny fall afternoon when a pack of hashers showed up PROMPTLY at 3:00pm, as dictated by our hares (who were themselves late).

The ever smiling and pretty LOA and her sorority girl pants wearing bitch Butt Floss were our hares for the day. After a short and efficient chalk talk and tuning of the horns and howling of the dogs we were off, like the panties of a virgin, down to the lake, then back up to the lot, cursing the backcheck setting bastards.

Then into a thicket of brambles and thorns we went, back onto the road and then back into more thickets and brambles and viper infested thorn patches. In circles they ran us, false “Y’s” and mutated psi’s and back checks led the group astray mare then once, more than twice, probably at least three or four times until we found ourselves hashing through a bombed out military base.

Back in the old days the US Military spent its time fighting the evils of communism. There was also a small program involving the cross breeding of aliens with humans. After some time the aliens got real pissed at us for stealing their women and knocking them up. In fact they got so pissed that they launched a lethal laser attack from outer space on the base in Ovid, which was used for banging Martian chicks. This attack released lethal does of radiation and asbestos, among other things.

So what does this have to do with the hash? Not much really, it just sounded cool and may help explain the bombed out facilities where we enjoyed our first beer and cookie stop.

After the alcohol recharge break we were off and running, searching and hoping for more beer, somewhere, anywhere. It was during this stretch that a murky moment occurred between Shiggy and ET, apparently something to do with a pissing fetish. I didn’t catch all the details and don’t want to know.

More thorns and briars and back checks led us to the highlight of the event – the merry go round shit pits! Yep the hares had found a new toy us to play with and soon we were all pushing or pulling or riding on a big spinning aerator for a former waste treatment facility. After that bit of fun and games we off and hashing, though contaminated asbestos feilds, concrete waste piles, thorns, thistles and brambles infested with lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Oh yeah and we also took a breif foray along the shores of the muck pit also known as Seneca Lake where several lucky hashers found signs of the good Lord in the form of little holy rocks.

Ball Wrinkle found a log, of which he was quite proud and decided to cart around with him and give out at the upcoming hash circle.

WE finally found another beer stop at a firing range and refreshed ourselves with the budget version of the nectar of the gods.

But, it seems that some of our members had been lost. Where was Takes It Up The Ass Like Half Monty? A half hearted search ensued but since his dog was with us and no one wanted to venture too far away from the beer we gave up on him as abducted by an alien or back at the cars sleeping or trying to break into the beer and cookie supplies.

After the beer we walked to the on-in, gave our awards, watched Calvin put a condom on his head and inflate it and sang terrible renditions of hash songs. LOA and someone drank for a murky moment ( I can never keep up with all the hashers she has murky moments with) ET and Shiggy drank for their pissing fetish murky moment. TIUTALA 1/2 monty was awarded the horses ass trophy for blowing us off at the end of the hash. Just Andy was given the Ball Wrinkles log for being the front running bastard. Ball Wrinkle drank for his oh so cute toes and wearing a hat, ET drank for mulitple infractions, virgins drank, RA drank, we all drank.

Butt Floss, wearing a cute little spandex pair of pants, found himself in some sort of puplic spokesperson role as he negotiated with a local yocal about the asbestos contamination to which we had all been exposed. He drank for his service to the hash.

I was assigned to write this lame ass rehash and there was some non-commital volunteers to set the next hash.

Weiners were served and fun was had for all.
If I forgot anything tough shit, it was left out on purpose.
Till next time,

lil’ miss muffet