ReHash #375

So who busted us?

Who revealed the deep dark secret of what the Hash had degenerated into? (Is it possible for a Hasher to degenerate? — leave that for the Hashosiphers.)

O.K. O.K. So it is true that trail over the last several months during a Sunday Hash had shortened a bit. It is true that some of us had been taking advantage of said fact to simply drink and walk between checks. (Can’t imagine who that might be.)

And yes it is true that we do describe ourselves as having a "running problem." But did you, whoever you are, have to rat on us?

Well, since you did…

LOA and Butt Floss being the accommodating hares that they are — inclined to fulfill our every need (*) — responded to whoever noticed that trail had been short of late and…

…worked our asses off, thank you very much.

They set a trail with convincing false trails 100’s of feet long. They took advantage of the last vestiges of naivete we had to dupe us into false trails with "Y"’s. They had us runnning up and down hills. Back checks. Pulling up shrubs and trees…

If it hadn’t been for the entrenched "running" style of Hungman and Rowdy Bush, we may have all died of exhaustion! (This style has some resemblance to running, though the pace might be something more aligned with the Lake View Retirement home. Hey, no complaints here.)

Luckily, we had out-of-town hasher Lazy Old F-ck (who is anything but) out front checking false trail for us, even added his own unusual marking, not to be repeated more than once or twice a day.

Along with Lazy, we had Bangs Like a Sh-thouse Door from the Rochester Hash. We had Atomic Duck from Princeton.

Along with the aforementioned Ithawanks, we had Dances with Head (Head? Who said — would someone send me those "lyrics"?), Hot Lips, and yours truly SKY Wacker.

The trail had us running on the flat quite a bit through housing developments and malls. It was strange to hash through a shopping plaza… something about hashing and everyday shopping reality don’t mix. We hashed through an aquaduct — O.K. well it sounds better that way — a long culvert.

We had an interesting Hash Rest at an artificial bluff created by an exit ramp off route 13. There was a deer living there. Luckily for SKY Wacker, it was not hostile. (We negotiated a truce.) Did wonder if it was hanging out there or didn’t know how to get off the bluff. We were thinking of who might help the deer get off. No vounteers on that one.

As we approached the Back Check, experienced hashers Hot Lips and Hungman could sense it was cumming. Hot Lips took an alternate trail never to be seen again… we assume he went home… too much running not enough beer? Who knows.

Hungman suckered LOA into revealing the Back Check. Pretended he’d already run it. He also got out of LOA that Butt Floss had… **gasp!**… auto-hashed, and considering that they had forewarned people of their being a lot of asphalt, there is strong circumstantial evidence that Butt Floss engaged in PRE-MEDITATED auto-hashing. (AAAGH! Say it isn’t so! Not Butt Floss!) Someone check the by-laws for what the punishment is. We’re pretty sure it goes beyond just the drinking we made him do at the ON-IN. Calvin do you have that paddle ready?

LOA being the faithful lass that she is will no doubt want to join her man in whatever punishment is dealt, plus there is that nasty little reality that she was a Knowing Accomplice.

Lastly, we had one intrepid virgin from the Each Hit and Die volleyball team who looked inclined to join us drinkers with a running problem.

Well that is about it…

This re-hash has gone on long enough anyway. Starting to feel like the looooooooong-ass trail LOA and Floss set.

So any of you who truly have that running problem, time to join the hash next Sunday.

Butt Floss, LOA thank you for the exercise! Much needed.

(*) certain conditions do apply.