ReHash #344

Shrugging off a hangover from the night before in Niagara Falls, and some bizarre reoccurring dream (?) of a naked woman and a well-placed dollar, I laced up my sneakers and headed out for yet another afternoon of indulgence. Arriving at the start of the hash, there were already several people wandering about with hares EXTRA TESTICAL and 1/2 MONTY displaying uncharacteristically good manners to a slew of Virgins (this definitely deserved a down-down….). You know it’s going to be a great day when the first thing you are greeted with at the start of a hash is 70-degree sunny weather in Ithaca and 1/2 MONTY serving his Virgin Rum Punch!!

Slowly everyone assembled and lots of MIA hashers materialized for the first time in months. 7/16ths also appeared with the neon FRB award, which was stared at with horror and disgust by the many newcummers in attendance who wondered aloud what they were in for, and if it was too late to flee.

The hash started with FLOSS attempting, once again, to give a chalk talk for the Virgins. Hares ET and 1/2 MONTY began ejaculating their comments, FLOSS chastised them for violating him, while at the same time a four-wheeler drove through the circle twice, JUST DAN complained about his feet being "hypothermic," and with that we were suddenly On-On in our usual dazed and confused state.

ET and 1/2 MONTY did a splendid job of setting a truly shitty trail up and down the ravines through snow, ice-cold water and mud. Did I mention mud? Those who were unfortunate enough to be wearing shorts ended up a bloody mess by the first beer stop but thankfully their legs were so frozen from the ice and snow, that they didn’t notice their legs looked like hamburg until the end, when they were too drunk to care.

At this stop BAD GIRL’S dog Vern decided to add ET’s back-pack to his long list of marked hash possessions, which also includes PHIL MECRACKIN.

After departing from our first hash rest we once again were led on another up and down trail through lots of shiggy. ROWDY and BOOB TUBE fell victim to FLOSS’S "charming" ways, which were actually sad attempts by him at murky moments that ended up on ice. The next stop was for a hash song, and 1/2 MONTY made a courageous effort to lead everyone in a spirited bellow about the time he lived in Chicago, but since there was no f**king beer it just wasn’t the same, and the gathering quickly deteriorated into a snowball fight led by JUSSHAD, and before anyone received a concussion in the ice-ball revolt, we decided to move on. …. But wait…who was coming down the trail behind us but BLAB’s, BALL WRINKLE and HARE-DOWN-THERE, who joined the group on its search for a "real" beer stop.

Trudging through the mud, we finally reached the last beer stop on a small hill where everyone sat down for a cold beer in the warm sun. ET offered to drive people back to the house while leaving HARE-DOWN-THERE, ROWDY BUSH and LITTLE ORAL ANNIE with the promise of returning. As the group piled in and drove off into the setting sun, the three of us waited for his return…and waited….and waited…. Finally, after discussing heaven-n-hell, white trash and taking full advantage of the time we spent alone, the three of us decided to hike the long distance back.

Upon our arrival, we foolishly attempted to explain our long absence to the curious crowd but to no avail, and so FLOSS stepped in to stop the turmoil by calling the circle together. The first down-down was given for the hares ET and 1/2 MONTY with all of the virgins watching wide-eyed as they drank, and then were made to follow. This was followed with an accusation by PHIL MECRACKIN who accused FLOSS of over-athleticism for his "r" picture in the Ithaca Times. The fact was noted that though he was in a fHASHionable skirt, it was still worthy of a down-down. Several hashers did Down-Down’s for not getting a scratch on trail, including JUST DAVE and LOA, who narrowly escaped doing a down-down earlier with FLOSS for a similar offence to his. Cums Lately’s, which included most of the Cornelian crowd, drank for hibernating. Everyone who had a dog on trail also drank, and it was voted at this time that BAD GIRL be appropriately renamed VERN’s BITCH- a baptism was then performed to celebrate the occasion. BLAB’s HDT and BW also drank for their impotence to cum on time, and while all of this was going on, JUSSHAD was caught playing show-and-tell at a private party in the back and was forced to drink for everyone involved.

There were also three awards bestowed on deserving hashers- JUST DAN received the Girlyman Award from GHANA RHEA for his dainty feet which he loudly complained were getting wet and cold before the hash even started. Next it was time for the neon phallic symbol to be passed on, and since SPIKE hasn’t been to a hash in quite some time, he didn’t take a lesson from HOT LIPS and make a getaway before he was awarded, quite appropriately, the FRB award from 7/16ths. In a valiant effort to introduce new awards to the hash, JUSSHAD gave the first ever Babe/Baby award to VIBRATOR who will soon be a Hash Mom. JUSHAD tells me he awarded it to VIBE so she can use it to practice nursing, which will give PHIL a break- that is, if he wants one. This award can be given to either a Hash Babe or Baby (whiner), which JUSSHAD also claims generally coincide. (Yes, he did actually say this fellow harrierettes, so please send all hate mail, e-mail viruses, etc. to JUSSHAD!!)

In conclusion there seems to be a lot of down-downs that weren’t given out but should have been- the "no beer" stop, murky moments on trail, everyone who rode in the pick-up truck, and others, but this is getting too long, and you get the point….the next hash will be on April 22nd and will be hared by JUSSHAD…..