IH3 Trail #446

…. and the winter moved into Trumansburg harshly, bringing with it diffuse sunshine and a brutal fourty-degree wind chill. Hashers from all over Tompkins County huddled in the living room, kitchen, dining room, bathroom, bedroom, back porch, driveway, and lawn of Butt Floss and Little Oral Annie against the harsh winter threat of light drizzle, surviving for three hours on nothing but champaign, eggs, french toast, waffles, muffins, doughnuts, orange juice, and, of course, beer.

When this hasher finally forced his way through the blistering calm air, hoping that the hangover from the last two nights would be drown out by the buzz slide he had just ingested, he found *69, Bitch Squealer, Half Monte, and Hound Whore hiding in the dining room, urgently discussing their situation over their empty plates. Squealer admitted that she just couldn’t take another winter in Ithaca, and stated that she would be moving to California within the week. Three virgins huddled in the kitchen, talking over their inadequate tee shirts with LOA. Rumour had it that Vibrator and Phil McCrackin had ventured out into the not-quite-so-bad grey of the early afternoon. Before too long, Country Cock — long thought lost in the back woods of hay-bail housing — appeared, seeking adequate shelter. ET wandered in from the not quite so cold with Just Someone. Ball Wrinkle eventually appeared; proving that his four-wheel-drive off-road (unintentionally) vehicle could make it all the way from Rochester in this temperate weather. There were probably other people there as well, but i was too bleary to recall their exact names and proportions.

Suddenly, and without too much warning, LOA and Floss screamed something about Chalk Talk, drawing all of the hashers out onto the lawn. In the ensuing panic, LOA and Floss ran off into the blustery stillness of the afternoon, leaving the hashers bewildered and craving more beer.

Finally, the hashers decided that Floss and LOA could not possibly survive the mild weather of the day, so, donning several hats and a hand warmer they stole from Floss’s wardrobe, they went off in mildly enthusiastic pursuit, only to be sidetracked at the front lawn by a beer stop.

Yes yes… Floss and LOA certainly needed our assistance, but hey… it’s beer.

Once the beer was finished, the hashers headed up hill, through the suburban streets of eastern Trumansburg, in search of the runaway hares. They were confused by strange chalk signs on the ground, led astray by confusing chalk signs on the ground, and totally lost because someone had put chalk signs on the ground which seemed to lead nowhere. Finally, they decided to ignore the strange chalk signs on the ground by running through a strange chalk sign which happened to look like an X, beyond which, they found less strange and less confusing chalk signs on the ground which led them over a "river" and through Smith Woods to Trumansburg Fair Grounds (grandma not included).

Not many people are aware that Smith Woods, though a small parcel of land, is one of the only areas of old-growth forest in New York State. With its dense canopy and substantial amount of woody debris decaying on the ground, this woods offers hashers a fun playground to set trail and drink beer. Yeah yeah… that’s great, but the beer is across the street behind the fair grounds, so stop gaping at the stupid trees and get some beer.

Fortunately, the hares also happened to be inexplicably drawn to the site of free beer. Found at last, the hares could be saved from their reckless folly of wandering into the harsh winter conditions of the fourty-dergee (but dropping slowly) day. Unfortunately, the hares did not take kindly to the rescue efforts of the hash, and darted off again, in a slow but steady fashion

Quickly, less than ten minutes later, the hash took off in hot pursuit, some attempting to cut the hares off at the high school, some running back to the bar in town to get help in the form of a beer, and some wandering along the gorge and through the housing developments where the hare seemed to have left more of those strange chalk signs on the ground (remember them?). Would they ever be able to find the wandering hares? Would they be lost forever in the slowly cooling but not quite cold day? Is there any hope for a happy beer-filled reunion? Is it really over for Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston? What a minute. Who the hell cares about them; they don’t hash. The fukkers…

Anyway…. there was a happy ending to this story. All of the stray hashers, hares included, managed to find their way to a bar in downtown Trumansburg (a the lure of cheap beer). Once happily reunited, beer was had. The weather turned cold and dreary in a perfect ending to a tragic day.

Back at Floss’s and LOA’s house, punishment was served to those who refused to admit to doing silly things while trying to save the hares. Awards were passed out and beer was had. Another hashing crisis averted through drunkenness and debauchery. Anonymous deity of some unspecified system of belief bless the beer!

The end…

Spike

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First. Spike was the one who was suppose to write said re-hash. Second I agree with Ball Wrinkle that it is refreshing to see different people write the rehashes. Third since Spike writes down everyones names when he takes their money you think he would have listed the names of our Virgins and guest / late cummers. Fourth that was a great rehash so just to make it not so great I’m going to do a small addd onto his rehash and turn it into a rehassh.

ET’s high school buddy was Just Rob who has hash maybe three times with us, also " Just Lick My Nipples cute little sister graces us by driving down from Buffalo . I can remember her nerd name so if someone else can help with that please do. I believe this was her 2 hash.

We also had four Virgins, three from lakewood vineyards on the west side of Seneca Lake we had two of the Stamp brothers ( Chris and Dave) and Chris wife who name also escapes me. Our fourth Virgin was Just Tracey who works at Glenora winery.

LOA intiated a new, and will be repeated from now until doomsday Virgin tradition. Along with the traditional what is your name and who made you cum? She added and tell us your favorite Sexual position.

Dave Stamp said his was flat on his back laughing!! Chris and his wife were so quiet I could remeber what their’s was ( so if someone remembers and wants to help)

Just Tracey favorite position was on all fours face in the pillow!! Now there is a Virgin just begging for a name.

The only other thing of interest that I remember other than having a great time was how red Just lick my nipples got when having to speaking her hash name in public for the first time.

Spike sorry about jumping in on your rehash, but for those hashing vicariously through them I felt compeled to join in. 1/2 Monty