IH3 Trail #444

It was a muddy day for the start of the Toothy Lunker and Ball Wrinkle hash which started on Cornell’s Plantations. Joining us were Dances, P.Pong, Monty, ET, Spike, Hound Whore, Road Kill, JSUAD, Lick Her Harder, Brother of JUSAD, Just Eric, Hot Lips, Star 69, Bitch Squealer and others whose names I don’t recall because it’s taken me so long to write this. Thank god Ball Wrinkle suggested the crayon and paper thing since C-smith won’t let me use her computer anymore after the unfortunate demise of her keyboard the last time she left town and I got that free one-week online membership from Road Kill to farmanimalsaresexy.com

Anyway, enough about my online surfing adventures…..after a few beers the hash started late as usual on our way to find flour. A few minutes later we were on our way through the mud and up and over a small hill with lots of shiggy down through another field, where low and behold, I look behind me to see 1/2 Monty, two virgins and a dog who apparently wandered into us while trail running and decided to tag along. For a moment I worried that maybe they didn’t realize what they had gotten themselves into and maybe I should go tell them that if they don’t turn around now, there will be no turning back, but I soon noticed that Floss, L’Oral A. and MaxiPad have now joined the hash and I’ll be damned if I was going to let those lushes at the beer first! So forgetting about the plight of two hopeless virgins I sprinted forward to the beer at a snail’s pace, which I know is faster than Floss, so I was safe.

After making fun of all the hashers who in their haste to show their athletic prowess, had over shot the beer stop, we were once again on our way following the well laid trail up and over trails and on-on to the next Beer stop. This time JSUAD admitted that he had changed the trail marks so that Just Eric would run right past the beer, and after making some more fun of Just Eric and telling the Virgins more about hashing, we were off again. When all of a sudden out of the wilderness appeared what looked like a BAR! Piling inside the hashers warmed themselves up with stories from Lick Her Harder about how the rugby players used to drink all the beer in this place every week. Try as they might, the hashers were not able to live up to this feat, so we gave up and headed for Toothy Lunker’s house for circle.

Circle was held around a bon-fire and trail was described as “too dry”, “too warm” with “not enough beer” and down-downs were handed out accordingly to hares BW and Toothy, virgins, Monty and Dances probably had to do their usual down-down for not remembering the words to songs, C-smith and ET had to do down-downs for being overly-edumacated, apparently ET fooled some unsuspecting committee into giving him a Ph.D., Pong and Dances did down-downs for something, Spike did a down-down (probably because I hear he never sets trail), ET and LOA did a down-down because LOA rode ET down a hill without a saddle, JUSHAD also got his mug back!!! He thought he had smashed it to smithereens years ago in an effort to get exorcise his hash memories from his half-mind, and hopefully improving his m*r*thon time in the process, but alas, it was proven to the virgins that hashing is like a curse, you can’t get away once you’ve entered the circle. Vibrator, Phil, Staffy Puller and Tequilla Bill had to do down-downs for skipping trail all together because they had more important things to do.
Awards were given to LOA for being a big pussy (although we still don’t remember the reason why?) and Fishy Fingers received the dead baby award, apparently because he and Toothy had procreated and Floss thought this was a nice way to celebrate this (??)

The best quote from circle was given by one of the virgins who exclaimed, “My roommate is NEVER going to believe this!” as he stumbled away into the night air and disappeared forever.

Pippi

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Actually I think Pippi forgot to mention a couple of things- the guy-virgin left after the hash and returned, not with the same cute-girl-vigin he left with but with another GUY! Apparently he needed confirmation that this was for real and not all in his head.

Also, we drank 6 pitchers of beer at the bar, there were 5 dogs, 8 cars, and at least 3 people wearing Eerie windbreakers- other than that, it was OK…..

🙂 LOA