IH3 Trail #412

It was a brisk fall day, Sunday October 5th. Skips Like a Bitch and I pulled into the Six Mile Creek Trail Head. HEAD WHO SAID HEAD? I’LL TAKE SOME OF THAT! AND I DID! AND IT WAS GOOD! AND THEN WE……. Yeah, anyway. So we got off of our hogs, changed into appropriate hashing attire, and waited around for the rest of the Half-Minds to show up.

Oh yeah, we showed up just in time to see Pussy Pong Leaving and ET marking the H’s. Soon after, the rest of the characteristically late gang started rolling in. Actually, in all fairness, they weren’t really late. They were just going by Hash Time.

A minute or two later someone rolls in with BEER and hands it to ET, but for some reason he wasn’t handing it out…. What possibly could be the matter? When someone he inquired, he indicated that it was warm BEER. Warm BEER, what the hell is that all about???? WHY I OUGHT TO…… SON OF A….. Oh well, never mind…..

In other news…. Skips and I were joined by Spike, Ball Wrinkle (with intriguing foot wear — more on that later), his two mutts Just Parker and Puker, Extra Testicle (the hare for the event), Harry Condom Jr., Women There, Dances with Head, Roadkill, Pussy Pong, Jar-Jar Twat (the only one drinking a cold BEER – yes it appears that she brought her own), and Bitch Squealer.

So there we were sober as could be…. listing to the chalk talk. It was the same old thing….. Blah, blah, blah, BLAH. Blah, blah, blah, BLAH. Blah, blah, blah, BLAH. Three sections cut down to two…. WHAT? Three sections cut down to two. WHAT KIND OF SADIST IS THIS HARE? Alright, no problem I think to myself, as long as the trail is well marked.

Then it starts, "Check it out!" The pack lackadaisically started checking for trail…. people split out a couple of ways and the main part of the pack started checking down the normal trail and eventually gave up and came back. The harriers proceed to check a few other avenues then went to speak with the hare. What? They just didn’t go far enough? Uh oh…. this is going to be one of those trails….

Okay so we took off, some of us at a rather decent pace too (for hashing). Okay, your great aunt Bertha –yeah, the one with the big hairy mole, could have gone faster. But, it seemed like we were moving.

The trail was pretty good we paralleled a stream for quite a while, almost bowled over a couple with their baby in one of those backpack things…. Yeah, we were having fun. The pace was kept up for quite a while, there were enough people to clear the circle checks. So, we just kept going. After a bit we came to the first HV (Hash View). Kinda a good place to stop a chat for a while. Nice view over a gorge too. Most everybody caught up after a few minutes. But, wait a second! Where’s Jar-Jar and BS? What? Okay after hoarding the only cold BEER around, it’s understandable that the two got a bit frisky. They must have headed back, or never started.

A few minutes later we started again and quickly came upon a dam…. Spike, Roadkill, and I standing a top of the dam waiting for others to join us. I commented to Spike that I’d give him $5 if he jumped in and rode down the spillway. He thought it was insane, $5 to jump off the dam undoubtedly risking his life, most-likely mangling himself beyond all recognition. Then Roadkill interjected with a good point, he said it would only be worth three bucks to see that.

Okay, no fun with the dam…. Where the hell is everyone else, and who the hell is the BACKSTREET BOY that just came out of the woodwork? Not that I paid much attention, I was simply wondering where my next BEER was coming from. He started speaking with Dances a bit. Okay I thought, Dances must have one of his albums…. Enough of that. So we collectively meandered on a bit more. Then would you believe it, we came upon another HV. The last one was pretty good. Couldn’t wait to see what this one had in-store! So we made our way out to the miraculous "view."

We ended up by some scum covered pond…. Scum covered pond, who wants to see that? I can see all kinds of things covered in scum back in Binghamton. Whatever….

Anyway we trapse on a bit more and eventually make it to a little abode. Eureka!!! A cooler. And in side it, a the cutest little Beast Lite Premium BEER you ever did see! Then the rest of the pack made it in and started sloshilizing too. Turns out the Backstreet Boy was actually a hasher. His name is Grande Chuche (sp?). He actually hashed down at Everyday is Wednesday HHH down in D.C. with the likes of Nadia Cum and Eat Me, Holy Tit, Golden Showers and other legends from the D.C. Megacenter.

Anyway the only other memorable thing is that Roadkill asked if he could go inside to "use the bathroom." Then when Harry Condom went in, I guess she found him rifling through her underwear drawer. He quickly ran out of the house as she chased him with a crowbar….. Wow, that was a close one for him! If she had come in any earlier, she might have actually caught him leaving an Upper Decker treat in the bathroom.

Anyway… enough with the long descriptions. We hashed the rest of the trail… it got really crappy. The only notable things were another dam with an old naked guy sitting down on a concrete slab next to some markings that said "H.S." Yeah right, I’m going to go swimming next to the nekked old fella…. don’t think so. Then later in the path we some some signs of actual BEAVER (the rodent kind). That was pretty cool. Right around there the trail marks got really crappy. That must be when Pussy Pong and Roadkill went off on a murky moment and ended up at the road. (We picked them up only the way back… Cheap Too! They only charged $25 for their "services." Who ever said that there weren’t any benefits to hashing. That’s a good discount!)

Once arriving back at the beginning of the hash Skips and I suited up to follow folks to the Circle and On-In. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a couple of women in a car…. Wouldn’t you know it. I sauntered over to catch a glimpse. Nothing to see here… the action was over. Jar-Jar and BS were sitting in their car, spent…. If only I had joined H.A.L.T., like 1/2 Monty suggested, I might have been able to catch the end of the action.

So then we all headed over to Just Janice’s place (okay I know it not Janice, but did you really expect me to remember everybody’s name using only my half-mind?) for the Circle and On-In. There, we met her son Sooth (sp?).

The circle then started up, as is traditional. And we did down-downs…. Here’s the list of folks and their crimes. I’ve probably forgot some. The BEER killed off some of my weaker brain cells… Feel free to lambast and flame me if you must.

Extra Testicle – Hare
Skips Like a Bitch – Comes lately
Spike – Drank for not having his mug
Ball Wrinkle – Drank out of his shoe –They were really hot looking shoes too. Who would have known that docksiders would be in fashion this fall?
Harry Condom Jr. – Over Athletic (ran to the start of the hash)
Grande Chuche (sp?) – Drank for being BLAB, drank for being a transplant (Everyday is Wednesday HHH)
Dances with Head – Drank for not having mug
Roadkill – Drank for not drinking with others, Over athletic (rant to the start of the hash), murky moment (with Pussy Pong)
Pussy Pong – Drank for being BLEAB, murky moment (with Roadkill)
Jar-Jar Twat – Murky moment (with Bitch Squealer)
Bitch Squealer – Murky moment (with Jar-Jar)
Scooby – Comes lately, FRB (out of woods first, unfortunately)

Women There – Split quickly, didn’t get a chance to do down downs….. Must double the dose for next time…

Just Janice – Hash crash award, from ET (Hard to crash when you’re a bobbit…. Whatever…)

A few folks actually got mugs too…

Spike – Received a new wooden mug
Dances – Received a good old fashioned pewter-style mug
Jar-Jar Twat – Received a new wooden mug

Then the circle closed out. We chowed down on Tasty smores, Cheesy Poofs, other delectable treats.

Finally, Skips and I climbed onto our hogs and rode out of town into the misty dark night.

There’s your rehash. Okay, let the ranting and raving begin. 😉

-Scooby Snatch

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The ON-IN was at "Pat’s" house. That place was way to nice for hashers. I figured everyone was in the garage or something when I walked up.

I remember giving a mug to Hairy Condom Jr. and Spike.
I don’t think Jar-Jar Twat has one yet.

BW