ReHash #230

As Dr. Climax was not in attendance at hash 22?, I have taken it upon myself to temporarily assume my previous role as Hash Scribe.

Note and Legal Disclaimer:
All information included the document to follow, herein referred to as "the rehash", is the truth. The term "truth" is subject to the definition, wills and ills of the author, Broken Pole. As all information is truthful, it is subject to be entered into IH3 history and lore and maybe used in the creation of names and assignment of penalties.

-Broken Pole, esq. (J.D. Cornell University, 1993. Degree stripped 1994)

A gray and wintry day at Taghanic Falls set the scene for the hash.
As hashers arrived on the scene, Trojan and Rides for Free were still setting the hash BY CAR. Bam Bam announced the usual rules to virgin hashers, and immediately hare Trojan informed the shivering mass of harriers that the rules were as useful as a nose on one’s ass. By way of note, if any of you share the standard query of Bill, yes, "women were there". The hashers were instructed that they were to make there way from one destination to another by hook or by crook, where they would be rewarded with candy and beer, because, as all know, they way to a hashers heart is through a funnel.

The second stop on the run was the warming hut atop a sledding hill. As Women There? and Broken Pole pitifully walked up the sledding hill, they were surprised to see Captain Weenie sliding down the hill on a garbage bag. While this does not seem too loony, the fact that he was stark naked was enough to turn the heads of more than a few sledders. Frighteningly, the cold air was enought to make Captain Weeny point to the North Star. The beer was enjoyed on the hill, but the hashers then realized it was necessary to return down the hill and the most efficient way to accomplish this would be by sled. Trojan and Rides For Free again could not pass up the opportunity to hitch hike. Trojan jumped atop of a 12 year old sledder and yelled "onward boy" and down the hill they proceeded like Jack and Jill. It was rumored that Trojan lost and crown, but his young steed was found suffering with broken ribs. Rides For Free spurred on her teen-aged driver with aggressive use of a riding crop producing considerable bruising a gash above the youngster’s eye. Like hashers in a urinal, the teenagers were left to fester and rot, and the harriers continued onward. There next stop: the falls themselves.

As those hashers fleet of foot gazed upon the beauty of the falls their eyes and ears were distracted by Tim standing atop the frozen falls hollering as he peed a full 150 feet downward. All onlookers agreed that he got some great arc. Others tried to repeat this impressive performance, but slipped and fell to their deaths. Undeterred, the remaining hashers returned to the north pavilion beside the lake to address the issue of the On-In.

Accusations were taken, but this was cut short as there was a sighting of False Erection. He could not be caught, but our German friend was seen to have grabbed Nelson’s ass. The down-downs proceeded in an unusual fashion, that being that our lyrical serenades were sung with a virtual absence of profanity. The reason for this was the presence of IH3’s youngest hasher, 7 year old Alex Broomfield, daughter of Slaps the Puck. Thankfully we were at least out of tune. Bam Bam received a down-down for wearing new shoes. He tried explain his way out of this award by offering an odd excuse involving a midget, a donkey, and considerable nudity, but his arguments did not stand. Despite weather conditions that would make a polar bear get SNE (Spontaneous Nipple Erection), Hot and Juicy was wearing shorts and therefore was awarded the Horse’s Ass. Ramelotions, Blue Butt and False Orgasm, in a long awaited return to the hash, were awarded down-downs for diving into the cold lake to track down and kill a duck which they eventually roasted over the fire and ate. No belly dancing was observed by Falsett-O, much to the distress of Women There?.

-Broken Pole