A Drinking Club with a Running Problem
So, it’s come to my attention that the Ithaca Hash has been very lax lately on producing ReHashes. Looking over the hash list of previous hashes, i can see that we haven’t had a rehash since November of last year. I think it’s very disrespectful to the hash when people agree to do ReHashes and then never fulfill that obligation.
I won’t bring up any names, since Floss has been doing that for the last few months, but i would like to stress the importance of submitting ReHashes on time. I know that we all would love to keep that perpetual buzz going, right through Friday happy hour and the weak attempt to score with that “hot” person across the room who staggered out of the bathroom with a wet face, but there is an obligation to the Ithaca Hash that must be upheld. There are people who simply can not make every hash, and they need to be kept in the loop on what is happening in the Ithaca Hash.
There are a number of significant and well attended hashes over the last few months that we now have no information on. Especially missed is the ReHash for #554, the “Screw Year” hash at Floss’s house, where Floss set this shitty live trail through a winter storm warning. We had twenty-six hashers out to that event, which is something considering it was so messy and cold. Not only were the regulars there, like PG, Spike, Hard In Cider, Hot Lips, Just Rachel, Baster, and Tzvetsana, there, but the infrequent hashers showed up, like Country Cock, TOFU, JSUAD, UFO, Bedside, Just Eric, and Lil Dimmer. We also got a bunch of Ithaca alumni out for the run from various parts of the country and region, like Scooby, Skull, Mouthful, Skywhacker, Beats it Blind, and Mr. Stiffy. We even got traveling hasher Runs Both Ways, and virgins Elina, Jax, and Cara. Without a ReHash for this event, there will be no dirty gossip started on what these people did during trail: who got lost where or who stuffed mittens into their crotch complaining of coldness.
There are hashers on the list who like living vicariously thought the ReHashes, so it is very inconsiderate to them when there is no ReHash, especially of a big hash like the first one of January. Floss diligently set a torturous trail through the snow and snow covered streets of Trumansburg. We were taken up the hill from his house, where the entire hash got lost in ridiculously long YBFs and back checks, listening to the walkers complain that they were getting cold while JSUAD, Just Eric, and the other FRBs ran in circles around the blocks. It took forever to wander back and forth on the exact same suburban blocks until someone stumbled upon the correct trail to a hash rest under a bridge, where Mouthful was throwing pringles around like frisbees and PG did a spas dance for us on the thin ice, while JSUAD somehow managed to down a full beer without stopping his conversation. But no one on the list will even know that because someone, and i won’t mention any names, decided that they would rather jerk-off to missed-connections classifieds day after day rather than sitting down for five minutes to type out a ReHash.
Floss even took the hash to his place of employment, where they hung out and got drunk. Admittedly, this was after he ran them through the high school and part of downtown. None of this will be mentioned in the ReHash unless people take responsibility for the commitments they’ve agreed to.
I would write the ReHash myself, but, firstly, i don’t feel that i should make a habit of writing ReHashes just because the person assigned to it was too busy testing “love toys” at the local dollar bazaar, and, thirdly, i’m afraid that, at this time, there is so little left in my memory of the wild party at Chez Floss that any ReHash i could write would grossly underestimate the carnage and glitter of the actual hash. I remember a long crowded circle in the Floss kitchen, including birthday side-sides, honours for the late cummers and the alumni, a naming of Just Tzvetzana to A Lager Runs through It after a butt-chug demonstration by Skull, angry public bickering between two Ithaca hashers, naked people running out into the snow to get to the hot tub, great chili and burning mozzarella sticks, and, of course, misplacing hash mugs in other hasher’s bags. Unfortunately, little else comes to mind, so i hope that the person actually assigned to write the ReHash for the 544th hash will get off their lazy arse and write down the facts.
I am really upset that this ReHash was overlooked, especially since, on the good advice of Scooby Snatch, i took the time to write down the following random quotes from circle and on-after.
“Could you hold my beer while i change my undies?”
“Could you go upstairs and masturbate for twenty minutes or so?”
“Is that really your vagina?”
“I’d love to rape you, but you’re not my type.”
“I peed in my beer.”
“Oh, you have great nipples. Can i touch them?”
I would like to strongly encourage the Ithaca hashers to stick to their commitments of keeping the running history of the Ithaca hash going by putting out the ReHash in a timely manner. I would hate to have to start implementing some kind of punishment for failure to keep the non-hashing hashers in the loop.
</rant>
Spike
Hash List Bitch