A Drinking Club with a Running Problem
So….it was a #%#%@#$^@$ morning and I was debating the hash…..
PG touched base with me and was already whining about not going if it stayed shitty out….even if I stopped by and gave her a ride since she was on the route to the start.
A fine start for a hashing day….no one wanted to go out and play.
The hour grew near and I realized that I had to at least show up at the start and attempt to hijack the whole pack and just got some place warm and drink………and so off I set from Chez Floss & “Safety Dog”….mission in half-mind……
Running late…go figure….I arrived at the Freese Road Garden Plots to see…..see what????
There was PG’s car! She decided to come out in this god-fore-saken weather after all! No….weight….she was dressed in a…a…a DRESS!!!…and sporting the cutest little parasol. Obviously…as she pointed to her attire…she had no plans of hashing this day. Damn! She was at least sucking down a fine BEER provided by relatively new-boot Just Chris. I like this guy!!!! Already he knows not to trust the hares to leave BEER out for us when we arrive!
Speaking of the hares….where the blank were they?????
As I was attempting to convince Just Chris that we should bail before they get back and go to the plantations for a frosty one in the warmth…instead of a warm one in the frost…..up rolls our hares Doris Dickoria and Master Baster. Curses! My plan was foiled. Knowing these two fine runners I was concerned at the length of trail this nastiest of all nasty days…..4 miles?….6 miles?…MORE???? Oy-Vay!
Well, as GM I’ve always told newbies…..If you set it….they will cum. How could I run away now? After all….I wasn’t wearing a dress….had no cute little parasol….AND…..Safety Dog was already running amok in the lot itching to get on trail.
And….so we did…after bidding a “not-so-fond ado” to Porcelain Goddess for bailing on us.
So…there we were….two hares….and two….count them…..TWO HOUNDS!
Setting off in the only direction that made much sense…towards the trail head….I found………..no marks. But, I kept running any way and the hares followed along side me out in the meadow….AND….THEY were apparently following marks. (Guess we deserved a small clue as to where trail was since there was only the two of us) Eventually I hit a false. Without ever seeing marks??? Curious. As it turns out….there was a check up ahead that I hadn’t gotten to yet. The trail took us in the direction of the SPCA and party spot on Monkey Run….with many a check along the way. Just Chris and I were doing fine…..hitting all of the bloody false trails as we got wetter and wetter.
About this time a loan runner went by us. When I returned from one of the many falses….he was now running with MB and Doris. Turns out his name was Eric and MB had been trying to coerce him into joining us for some time. This was his a….errr….”lucky” day. He ran along and even checked out some of the trail. At one point…he hit a false with MB and then told us he needed to depart but would return again some day. As we were now atop the ridge….and on a false trail….true trail must be down to the bottom along the creek. Knowing the area a bit better than in my earlier years hashing Monkey Run I knew that it eventually had to climb a steep embankment and on up to the party spot. NO THANKS!
I decided to long-cut around a couple of meadows and headed to the BBQ area. I figured that I was alone since Doris and Just Chris were way back at the original check. Nope! They decided to tag along as well…with MB trotting along side them. I sensed BEER would be at the BBQ pit as it often has been over the years……so I dashed along.
WRONG!!!!! I got there ahead of everyone…..only to be fooled by a Back Check heading down to the stream. Crap! Where the hell is the frickin’ BEER??????
Nothing could be done….other than follow trail….presumably out to the bridge on route 13 so we could cross over the creek and head back towards Varna. Maybe there would be BEER near 4H Acres???????? Oh joyous thoughts as I moved along… But….wait!!! The trail turned down to the creek and back towards whence we came. WTF!!!! Do these silly hares think we’re going to forge the creek on this miserable day???? NOT I!!!!…shouted out the little wimp within me. How do I get out of this one??????
Then….there I was…at the old bridge remnants where the mighty Maxi-Pad was lost a couple of years ago during one of the infamous Blond Bimbo Birthday Hashes….and also where the same haring duo had set a BEER Check during a weekend trail some time back. Could it be????….Was there BEER here? There WAS a BN on the bridge beams….but no BEER in sight. Crap again!!!
About now the group caught up and MB suggested going ACROSS THE BRIDGE for BEER. What the hell???? Being as thirsty as I was wet….I shimmied up the bridge and on across while Safety Dog joyously jumped into the creek and paddled across….beating me with no problem. Once across I spotted it….one of PG’s blue tubs that we’ve been using for BEER. Yippee!!!!! And there were cookies too!
Well….with the HUGE turn-out that we had….yeah…right….there was plenty of libations to go around…and around….and around. Finally….we were reminded that there was yet another BN out there some place.
So….off we went….in search of even more BEER….even though there was still plenty here. WTF again???
I must say that the Hares did a fine job as we scooted through the woods…finding pretty much every false they set….
Soon we were back near the steel deck bridge on Freese Road. But….trail didn’t go that way. Crap (anyone counting how many times I’ve used this word so far??) I tried to convince Just Chris to blow off the end of trail…even without our second BN…as it was getting dark. NO WAY he retorted! He wanted to find the BEER. Great….yet another hashing monster created by IH3. OK…what the hell. Off we went across the meadow and up towards the old railroad trestle that goes over Rt 366.
What’s this???? A BN…..BEFORE having to go across the trestle? Hot Damn!!!! So…we drank some more…and…ate more cookies.
Once our thirsts were quenched again the hares decided we should skip the rest of trail and head back because it was certainly dark now. As we took the direct path back….MB pointed out where true trail WOULD have taken us. He also sent Doris…..silly girl…on ahead to get his car and come retrieve us. And so he did. But…it was full of stuff and had no room for us all. Just Chris and I decided to “tuff it out” and “run” the rest of the way up the hill as the hares went to retrieve the BEER.
It was decided that….rather than hold circle out in the dark and rain….or go to The Plantations for warmth…but no money for BEER….that we should descend upon PG’s abode and hold circle there….wet as we were. And…so we did. Just Chris and I showed up there…with no signs of our hares. Where the F were they????? Turns out the Doris got a call from his girlfriend and that held them up….while Just Chris and I nearly expired for lack of BEER!!! Bastard!!!!
Finally…they arrived…with PLENTY of our favorite beverage.
Circle was short…we all drank for FRB and DFL.
I drank for having the only pooch on trail….who was soaked and sacked out in the car.
PG drank for Bobbitting trail…her lovely parasol…and something else.
Our hares….they drank PLENTY…as they should.
I volunteered to write this overly long re-hash since I generally am setting trail and thereby exempt.
And so…there you haven it….one of the crappiest days for hashing in 2008…and yet…at the same time….one of the best set trails full of fun.
Too the Hares!!!!
on-on!
Floss
PS: Next trail will be Sunday, December 14th. It will be set by the ever lovely Toothy Lunker and assisted by Crimes Against Larger Mammaries and Man-O-Whore. Rumor has it that it may be up by their new home along side Yellow Barn Forest.