A Drinking Club with a Running Problem
It was a cold and blustery day in the 100 Acre Wood Pooh!!!!
That it twas Roo. That it twas.
But…it was a Hashing Day…and so we did!
The Day started early….too F’in early!!!!…as I opened my eyes around 7:00AM and saw Bedside Pole Dancer and UFO getting all gussied up to head off to the casino in Buffalo. Spike…lying next to me…was still sawing wood…
I went back to sleep…having only been in bed for about 3 hours after partying my floss of with the Nickel City Hash the day and night before at their 500th run. They had twice the number of hashers as we did at our 500th. The trail was nice…but urban..went around town…drank in Delaware Park…and eventually went through a cemetery and past Rick James — ‘Superfreak,’ grave sight. Still the trail and shiggy paled in comparison to the one set for ours. But…admittedly…I’m a bit biased on that one. :o)
8:00 AM rolls around. Now Spike is up and at’em and headed out the door for breakfast. Wanker didn’t even invite me. Might have had something to do with me looking mostly dead still…..
8:45 AM – I decide to drag my arse out of bed because no one is letting me sleep. So, I get on the road back towards Ithaca and Toothy’s trail.
9:01 AM – Toothy calls…in a panic!!! “My F’in co-hares bailed on me and we have 5″ of snow here! I need to change the start location because the parking lot at Licht Brook will not be plowed” Not much I could do…I was too far away to hare….and too close to a coma from lack of sleep. Thank the hash gods for those rumble strips on the shoulders of the thruway…..
I at least offered to call those that I thought might be coming to the hash and warn them of the start change…and so I did. Should have at least gotten a down-down for THAT chivalry! LOL
And now….back to our regularly scheduled re-hash…
As I drove into lower Treman Park…on my way to the parking lot near the main office…the supposed sight for the hash start….I was passed by Master Baster on his way OUT of the park? What??? You friggin wussie!!! Too cold out for you to play today???? Sheesh!
On I went…past the first parking area…complete with cars…and someone waving furiously at me. What the hell did I do? I just got here!
Oh Sh*t! It’s our loan hare…Toothy Lunker. As it turns out….the aforementioned starting point lot is not reachable due to the snow. Being the conscientious driver that I am….I carefully turn my car around…no…strike that…I spin the F’er around and come careening into the lot and do a donut. Yeah..that sounds much better.
There I see Toothy, Dances With Head and Spike. Spike!!!! How the hell did he beat me there??? Last I knew he was feeding his face…without me!…in Buffalo! Oh well.
As I climb out of my car….we see Mouthful of Clam driving by the lot entrance just as I did. Only, he doesn’t see us at all and keeps on going. I figure he’ll go all the way to the end and wait for us…so I chase after him. Nope…he figured it out…and passed my as I’m headed out for him.
Soon…more hashers arrive….including Master Baster. Wanker must have changed his mind after all. Oh…wait…he has flour on him???? WTF?? Toothy clues my feeble mind in….Master Baster stepped up to the challenge to help set trail. What a guy! If I was as gallant as I claim to be…I’d take back all the nasty sh*t I just said about him. Well…I’m not. So there!
Porcelain Goddess rolls in…clad in a nice warm jacket..snow pants..and warm boots. “I’m not dressed to run in this cold weather…boo-hoo…I’m going to go to the gym instead.” B*tch! I tackled her and dragged her around in the snow. There…take that! You are to going to hash with us..and just to make sure….I moved my car and positioned right at the rear of hers. Hhmmm…gives me other ideas…. Oops..back to the task at hand. With her securely blocked in…we were assured of her staying for trail…
Now who the heck is this pulling in???…with an unfamiliar dog in the back seat???
Low and behold…out pops Inspector Speculum from the passenger’s side and his hot girlfriend/virgin Just Michelle climbs out of the driver’s side. Kewl!!!
So, now in attendance we have Toothy and Master Baster…our brave hares….Spike…Dances… Mouthful… Inspector… Just Michelle… and me… Floss… the catatonic. Right about now the park guy that’s doing a bunch of plowing stops by…warns us to stay out of the gorge…WHO????…..US????…and then asks “Where’s Marvin?” Who the hell is Marvin? OH! Hot Lips…nope…no Hot Lips today…wanker!
Toothy gives a quick run-down of the marks for Just Michelle…sans flour because MB left it some place…..Nut Job!
And…we’re off…….only to look back at the start to see Just Scotty pull in. Screw’em! He’s fast…he’ll catch up to us. Oh…and MB stayed behind to make sure he doesn’t get lost. Good idea…we know that MB NEVER .gets lost on trail….HA!
Oh…and now what??? That rotten little harrierette PG is in her car and driving away! Damn!!! I’ll have to pack her rear-end in tighter next time! You’ll never have as much fun at the gym girl!!!
We find ourselves shortly heading up hill…naturally….and Just Scotty and MB still are following us. Hmmm…is this a nasty BC of some sort??? No…Toothy is going right along with us. Still skeptical….
We make our way up along the old roadway that has been used numerous times for beer checks. Could it be….will we find the delicious nectar so soon??? NOPE! Circle check…with foot prints heading in all sorts of directions. Inspector starts to check in the steep down hill direction. Nope he says…ain’t going down there…too steep to climb back up. After exhausting all other possibilities…and there were plenty…enough so that MB and Just Scotty finally caught up to us…along with JSUAD in tow…Dances decides to check where Inspector didn’t. Sure enough…TRUE TRAIL goes down!
And we did…with Mouthful running completely out of control and nearly killing us all. But it was fun slippin’ and slidin’ down the snow covered concrete “steps”…
We eventually made it to the bottom in one piece and headed out to the swimming area…and…dare I say it….BN!!! Yippee!!! What’s this written in the snow next to the BEER…..S..E..X???? What the heck! Sounds like a great proposition to me!
After drinking a few beers…and debating a first of the season polar bear swim…we’re off back down the trail we came in on. Following kool-aid flour marks again we find ourselves headed across the fields and back towards the pavilions behind our cars. Yup..nice…flat…fields….well…except for one..and only one…hole which Inspector found and tumbled nicely into the snow. HASH CRASH!!!!
Arriving at the pavilions we bump into a long lost hasher…..Trojan!!! How nice to see him! There happened to be a check here…which Toothy finally had to solve for us so that we could get moving before it got dark…and we did…but not before picking up a pack she had stashed. What’s this…could it be BEER? I think I’ll hang near her….
Across route 13 and up the Licht Brook trail to the train tracks we went. True trail was marked with arrows to head back towards Ithaca along the tracks…..and so Just Scotty, JSUAD…and MB followed them. Dance’s…being a ways behind them…noticed that the FRB’s were starting to loop back towards us so he decided to short-cut……
BANG…he runs right into a BN just off of the tracks that the FRB’s missed. SWEET!!!! Toothy goes…Oh Sh*t…set that one a bit too close. Oh well…we start to drink. The FRB’s show up and JSUAD notices a jug of Pale Ale on the ground and proceeds to show us the proper way to drink it….. WTF!!!! This is water he proclaims!!! Sure enough, MB had brought some water on trail…but had nothing to put it in. Poor JSUAD…
After laughing..drinking…and catching up with Trojan…we were told that trail went ON-IN back to the cars from here…and we did.
Master Baster held circle…as we all froze to death.
Down-Downs:
MB and Just Scotty for wearing look-alike racism gear
MB did a Side-Side for his 26th Bday that had just occurred.
Virgin Just Michelle and Inspector drank together.
Can you believe this one…Dances drank for dry lips!!!
Hares drank a sh*t load…lots of times for head gear in the circle
MB had to drink for defiling a BEER container with water.
Floss drank for some thing and doesn’t remember it…..
Spike drank too….
Trojan and Inspector drank for cums-latelys
MB gave the Hash-Funnel to JSUAD…but I don’t remember why
Other infractions??? Help me out gang….
All in all…it was a SH*T HASH and you all should have been there!!!!!
Now…some one needs to set trail in two weeks……
On-Out,
Floss
Update from Toothy:
JUSHAD had a blonde moment, for which he was awarded the hash funnel. At the BC 10 that I finally had to solve for you all, JUSHAD was marching around in some virgin snow making a nice little pattern. He stops and talks to some of us for a few minutes than turns around at his tracks and asks, “who did that?” Huh, you just did JUSHAD.
As for hares for next hash, that would be Mouth-full-of-clams and PG (that will teach her for being such a tease).