A Drinking Club with a Running Problem
It was 3pm on a bright, sunny Ithaca Sunday in early September – oh wait, scratch that – it was dark and rainy… as I pulled up looking for 20 Brentwood Dr. There was 10 Brentwood Dr, and then – bang – dead end.
Parking at the dead end, I was greeted by Laa Laa (of Carolina Trash, Tidewater, Aloha and Nittany fame), and Pre-cum (in town on business, and from the Phoenix-AZ hash). The hare, Master Baster, pulled up shortly thereafter, and there were beers to be shared. MB took off to set the BNs, and we waited. Cocktail Frank, JuShUAD, Spike, and finally Little Oral Annie all pulled up as well.
After two beers and 35 minutes, MB returned, and gave us the scoop for the day’s trail. From the first BN onwards was pre-laid with a mix of flour, toilet paper, and chalk, and we were told that the toilet paper might’ve been a bit on the brown side (eww…). The first part was to be live-hared, so he took off, begging JuShUAD to give him at least 5 minutes headstart. And Pre-cum, who was on crutches, saw the copious shiggy ahead and bid us a fair adieu.
A few minutes later, we were on-down the road Brentwood Dr, and then left to a path into the woods. On-one! we shouted. On-two! On-three! On-right onto a narrower path. On-… nothin’.
We searched and searched, around the forthcoming field, paths turning off of the field, the baseball field beyond the first field, the junkyard beyond that, the playground, BOYCES (or whatever it’s called)… nothing. Laa Laa, LOA, and Spike checked straight from the On-Right… nothing. After 45 minutes of searching, covering an estimated 10 acres, we went back to the cars, where we still had a cooler full of beer.
Not knowing what else to do, and hoping MB would just come back, we started circle – which got shut-down as soon as I mentioned “Hare, get your ass front and center!” Oops. Oh well… but we did give LOA an Up-Up for her 33rd birthday!
Then, around quarter after 5, MB shows up! Yippee! Much cussing was had, and much rejoicing.
MB asks, “What happened?”
Us: “You didn’t put any marks after the On-Right.”
MB: “You didn’t check straight?”
Us: “Yes, we did. Wait… how far straight?”
MB: “The metal gate.”
Us: “The one that we would’ve come to if we’d have gone straight for a quarter mile?!”
MB: “Yes” (It went something like that. By halfway through the exchange, I was laughing too hard to remember anything)
But having sorted out the confusion, we had to figure out how to get more beer, as the first cooler was getting empty, and we hadn’t run much trail. MB informed us that all of trail would’ve been 8miles according to GoogleMaps, minus the false trails and other shenanigans, but he would be kind and spare us, since it was almost 5:30 already. We agreed to carpool to the second BN, and run the rest of trail.
Where to? The Post Office – great! Nobody will mind white powder near a post office… hehe… actually, to be fair, Baster had thought about that fact, and laid this part of trail with soggy bits of crumpled up toilet paper. So we drove there, hopped out of the cars, and ran half a mile to get to it in some brand-spankin’ new development between Warren and Triphammer Rds.
The BN was alongside the development actually, and littered with used blasting caps and tons of blasted bedrock. Beer and Nilla Wafers were passed around, and there was much rejoicing.
Then off we ran again, and found ourselves on Triphammer Rd shortly thereafter. Down to Target, straight in front of the stores front doors we ran (thoughts of being arrested like New Haven hashers came to mind, but again, Baster used TP), and along the front of the Pyramid Mall. After passing Dicks, we almost had to crawl through a drainage culvert, which would’ve sucked big time, but it was a fake.
Instead we ran up and all the way around Tops, behind the Hollywood Video/Applebees building, and up onto Triphammer again. In fact, next we ran straight through the Triphammer Mall, and out the other side, and on through some sardine-apartment complex developments. Then we came out on Warren Rd.
JuShUAD had made it to the cars first, and returned to pick MB and myself up, who left our vehicles at the post office. We then returned to the start, and had a mini-circle.
The hare drank repeatedly, and not just for the sh*tty trail – but also for taking his hat off, only to put it back on just as his beer touched his lips (among other offenses, such as making us all Bobbitt trail). Laa Laa drank for being a visitor and early-arriving bastard, LOA drank for arriving late, we forgot cums-latelys, JuShUAD and myself drank for FRB/DFLs, LOA drank for being blonde, MB won the Bobbitt award, and I won the new Danger award (a blasting cap, for planning to wed soon) and, um, I forget the rest of the accusations. So sue me. 😉
On-after was at the Ale House, where JuShUAD, myself, MB, and LOA rendezvoused, and Pussy Pong and Rowdy Bush joined us.
On-on till next time!
-Dances With Head
PS – Master Baster’s version of events:
The day was wet, the grass was high, the trail long and shiggy. The brave, intrepid hare did his best against the elements, knowing of the challenges they presented. Having laid most of course ahead of time, and having set beer nears appropriately, he returned to the circle for the first part of trail – the live hare portion. The first branch of trail, like famed porn swordsman Rocco Siffredi, took the back way into Sapsucker Woods. Were the hares on trail, they would have discovered numerous false trails, designed in anticipation of JSUAD’s legendary FRBing. A Hash View stop would have provided a glimpse at a Great Blue Heron.
Once out of the woodsy trails, the trail would follow streamers of toilet paper through a thicket, across Sapsucker Woods road, and into a private access road. Down the road and to the left pointed the trail along the runway landing lights, bright and shining, pointing the way towards the first beer near. Sadly, one would have to cross route 13, following the fence along the back portion of the airport along an off-road trail for a mile, down an access road, and across a field to get to it. Picture this: a laughing hare, perched atop a gravel pile, welcoming the incoming thirsty hashers with a pile of cold beer.
Having finished the first load of beer, the trail wends its way along Snyder Road, skirting along the airport fence. Several checks along the way would ensure that trail would hold up, then continuing down Cherry Road. At this point, you would see instructions to continue down Warren Road, past the sheriff’s office and into a check at the post office. Sadly, due to the weather, we were not able to laugh at the cops as we passed by, waving our open beers as we ran through. Sadly, this will wait for another day.