IH3 Trail #497

Ithaca Hash run #497, at Monkey Run

Hares: Toothy, Little Oral Annie, and Just Dan
Virgins: Just Emily, Just Rennie
Others in attendance: Just Jessica, Just Bob, Butt Floss, Pussy Pong, Dances

With Head, Just Joel, Nut Roper, Ball Wrinkle, Cocksmith, Pippi

Schlongstocking, Extra Testicle, Harry Condom Jr, Spike,
Dogs: Puker, Mindy, Arlo, Max, *lost dog* (Katie?),
Bobbit: Burpenstain

Pulling into the parking lot for the Plantations Bar & Grill at a sharp

2:05pm, Pussy Pong and I found some of the early-arriving bastards milling

around on the ass-phault. With a shocked voice, I asked them why they were

standing outside when there was BEER inside?! Of course they didn’t have a

good answer for this, so we went inside to drink a couple BEERs before trail.

Soon, others showed up, including Just Bob’s infant daughter (and virgin

hasher) Just Emily, and virgin Just Rennie (sp?), the pint-glasses were empty,

and hashers started mumbling about “chalk-talk ” time. Toothy led us outside,

and gave a chalk-talk in the driveway, and we were off. We crossed the street, and headed for the bridge where Route 13 crosses over Fall Creek – straight through knee-deep mud. Just Bob, in particular, got a good muddy dosing!

After weaving our way up and down a couple trails, and dove into copious amounts of shiggy, we ended up in a trail-less wooded area at a check, minus one dog. In what quickly became a BEER-less impromtu hash rest, we milled around screaming out the dogs name, to no avail. In the end, the dog’s owner and hash virgin Just Rennie took off with one of the hares (Just Dan) in search of the dog, and we resumed trail. (This was around when Butt Floss, Pippi, and Csmith caught up with us after being bloody-late).

Again, we wandered through the many trails of Monkey Run – I even blew through an “on-left ” and briefly found myself completely lost, and just kept going – but somehow (and I’m still not clear how) we found each other again just in time to find the BEER-Near by the old bridge. Once there, the dogs went swimming, beer was handed out, and Ball Wrinkle was seen on the wrong side of the creek. Apparently he’d tried Short-Cutting to the BN, or something like that.

After our fill of beer, the trail quickly diverged to a Tough-Easy Split – Pussy Pong, Just Bob, Just Emily, and myself bravely took the “Tough ” trail, while the rest of the hash took the “Easy ” trail (wimps!). I’m told that the Easy trail was uneventful, but I think they’re full of crap – it must’ve been a wild and raucous party, since it was “Easy ” and they took so long! Meanwhile, those of us on the Tough trail raced back to the Plantations, and started ordering up pitchers of BEER!

Once the entire hash had finished their respective trails, circle commenced. Hares, drank, Just Bob drank for his daughter’s virgin trail, Hash Crashes drank, BLEABS and BLABS, etc… Burpenstain arrived halfway through circle, and had a proxy drink for him (his lousy doctor insisted that he stay sober, of all things). And awards included Toothy getting the “HEAD ” awards, Just Jessica getting the Hashshit, and I forget if there were other awards.

There were also three namings, with improvised (winter rules) baptisms – Just Dan was named TWISTED FISTER, Just Jessica was named PORCELAIN GODDESS, and Just Bob became LITTLE DIMMER.

… it was yet another shitty trail – thanks be to the hares (Toothy, LOA and Twisted Fister), and thanks be to BEER!

On-On,
-Dances With Head