IH3 Trail #481

Subject: Gee , a resurrection at beastor — Rehash #481 Beast or Egg hunt!

I arrived at the parking lot of the Taughannock sled hill just in time for the chalk talk and a greeting Sideshow Jesus (making his first Ithaca appearance in one and a half years, wonder what he was doing Friday (and if it was good)…?); ya see, I went to this "event" a couple months ago in South Carolina, at which I ran 26.2 miles, but not before talking to who I thought was just a random local attending the same event. But it was not just another local; it was an Ithaca hasher from before my time, SSJ. SSJ had promised to punish me for my m*r*thon at the next opportunity, which was today… But for that we would wait for the circle…

Also in attendance were our newlywed hares, Butt Floss and Little Oral Annie, Pippi Schlongstocking, Cocksmith, Just Kenny, Scooby Snatch, Just Doug, Just Rob, Hot Lips, Dances with Head, Pussy Pong, Extra Testicle, Spike, Unidentified Feathered Orifice, and Bedside Pole Dancer. And of course, the dogs… Maxi Pad, Just Indy, and Just Arlo (stay tuned). Maybe there were others present, I am a hasher, how could it be expected that I would remember all of you?

Anywho, Floss proceeded to explain the differences between the easter beer hunt, and a regular hash (checks will have a number, that is how many goodies are hidden near this check), and when he was done, we checked it out… Around the pond and into a patch of some kind of thick brush, which would have been terrible, but there was beer, and eggs hidden through out it, so it wasn’t that bad. Making it even better Tequila Bill joined us. Off we went again, short hashers leading the way since there wasn’t much head clearance (HEAD? WHO SAID HEAD?). Out onto a trail where we could stretch out a bit, down hill, across the sledding field, more beer! And this time I was actually able to find some (I had been shut out at the first beer hunt), maybe it was because I could stand while hunting…

Mmmmm… Rolling Rock (from a cute little 7oz bottle) and Jelly Beans…

On-on again! Across a small stream through some thorns, across a slightly bigger stream, across a road, through some woods to more beer! 3 beer checks on one trail, awesome!!! At this point Spike complained about how his sack was too small for his booty, I don’t understand how or why one would even try putting ones ass in ones sack… Also PP found DWH’s huevos.

Once we were convinced that we had found all the treats that were to be had, we checked it out again. Apparently Dances had a most magnificent hash crash about this time, witnessed by almost everyone besides me. Up a hill, and along a trail, down a hill… and up a short steep hill again to more beer. How much beer are we going to get? Not that I am complaining…

At this beer hunt, I found a beer and some candy right away, and sat down to enjoy it, rather than looking for more. It was an absolutely beautiful spring day, not what it had been (cold and rainy) in the morning. Days like this were made for hashing… And I was happy to be hashing… Speaking of hashing, once I had soaked up another beer and much of the nice surroundings we were, on-on again, across the hill top, and down the side, where Sideshow and I found evidence of a crash by the hares while setting the trail, a down-down for them later… onto a trail we went and across a bridge which had no less than one hash mark per foot over it’s span, and up a muddy hill, Sideshow slips right in front of me, in slow motion, I see him start going down (If your girlfriend tastes like shit, flip her over…) only to plant a foot and seem to go up upright again, but this would not last long as he slid again this time to the other side, and crashed. I could have stopped to help him, but what could I have given him to help? I didn’t have any beer to give him, and that is clearly what he needed… Well I soon had more beer, for less than fifty yards past this beautifully choreographed hash crash there was another beer check. Floss and LOA sure know how to set trail! At this point I saw Scooby and (I think) just Doug sprint for a beer they simultaneously spotted, Scooby got there first. A short little jog along a very wet trail, and we were at the On-In…

Punishments began. This is what I remember…

Floss and LOA drank for setting a Shitty Trail that was way to short on beer and long on running…

Hash crashers, Dances With Head, and Sideshow Jesus, UFO and Bedside drank for that offence.

Newlyweds (our hares again) drank.

Spike (what?!? Spike got a down-down? why yes he did…) drank for finding an empty beer.

Sideshow drank for cutting off his hair, Floss and I (Lord Bürpenstain) joined him for cutting off facial hair (and when one hare drinks…), also drinking for hair modification were Dances and PP (think down south). ET joined us, but I am not sure why…

Bleab (Sideshow Jesus) and Blab (Tequila Bill) drank.

SSJ and I drank for that "event" down in Myrtle Beach (I didn’t know the hash had had a special song for m*r*thon punishment). In the interest of accuracy, and to prevent harm from befalling the innocent (as if any hasher, especially Sideshow, is innocent) I would like to point out that Sideshow competed in a different event at the same time and place, only running half as far as I did.

Cocksmith was the FRB of sorts for the day, having found the most trail treasure, she did a down-down for it.

Dog owners drank.

And dogs were named… The retriever formerly known as Just Arlo, is now squatter (ya see, he pees like a girl) and the collie formerly known as Just Indy shall forever be known as Crazy Eyed Indy (for obvious reasons). Arlo did a down-down (with pippi’s help) and Indy got a bit of a beer shower…

We pondered naming some humans too… It seems Just Rob can’t cum to the hash on his own, and needs someone to help him cum, names considered were "Where’s my fluffer" and "Bob Dole". But we tabled the discussion for later. Also, it seems Just Doug, who is in his late 20s has a girlfriend who (very) recently turned 20, "Fucking Barely Legal" was one name that was considered, but this too was tabled…

Just as we were getting ready to grill, our beautiful weather was gone, and the rains had come. Circle was abruptly closed and PP saved the day by going into one of the cabins through a window and opening it for the rest of us so we could eat all the goodies hashers had brought and discuss Ithaca’s hash weekend 2006…

Weenies were roasted, dirty jokes were made, and we decided that this years Ithaca hash weekend will hopefully be the weekend of September 22 at the 4H campground.

Also Pippi hinted at getting Bürpenstain to attend other hash weekends this summer. All I can say to that, is bring it on-on…

-On-Out
Bürpenstain

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As photographic evidance will no doubt show. After the rain stopped and we were able to exit the cabin, Pippi Schlongstocking and I (Bürpenstain) recieved side-sides.

I guess this is what happens when I try to write a rehash with beer in the system…

On-out (and this time I mean it!),
Bürpenstain