IH3 Trail #403

Run #____, Shindagin Hollow, June 8, 2003.

On this date in:
632 The prophet Mohammed died.
1845 Andrew Jackson, the seventh president of the United States, died in Nashville, Tenn.
1861 Tennessee seceded from the Union.
1915 Secretary of State William Jennings Bryan resigned in a disagreement over U.S. handling of the sinking of the Lusitania.
1948 The "Texaco Star Theater" made its debut on NBC-TV with Milton Berle as guest host.
1953 The Supreme Court ruled that restaurants in the District of Columbia could not refuse to serve blacks.
1967 Israeli forces raided the Liberty, a U.S. Navy ship stationed in the Mediterranean, killing 34. Israel called the attack a tragic mistake.
1969 The New York Yankees retired Mickey Mantle’s uniform No. 7 during "Mickey Mantle Day" at Yankee Stadium.
1978 A jury in Clark County, Nev., ruled the so-called "Mormon will," purportedly written by the late billionaire Howard Hughes, was a forgery.
1982 President Reagan became the first American chief executive to address a joint session of the British Parliament.
1987 Fawn Hall began testifying at the Iran-Contra hearings, describing how, as secretary to National Security aide Oliver L. North, she helped to shred some documents and spirit away others.
1995 U.S. Marines rescued Capt. Scott O,Grady, whose F16-C fighter jet had been shot down by Bosnian Serbs on June 2.
1998 The National Rifle Association elected actor Charlton Heston its president.
2001 A knife-wielding man killed eight children at a Japanese elementary school.
2001 British Prime Minister Tony Blair and his Labor Party swept to a second term.
2003 The first (??) Ithaca IH3 Bike Hash (Bash) was held.

… a bunch of bad stuff and some good. It was a momentous day in Ithaca Hash history, as well. Shindagin Hollow shone like a, well, about as much as a Hollow can shine. The clouds parted to allow us to muck through the mud in relative sunshine. A small group was gathered at the designated start when I showed up at 3:15 or so, feeding the blackflies and mulling over who would show up on foot and who would bring their bike for this first ever (??) Ithaca HHH Bash.

Toothy and Li’l Miss were soon spotted on the top of the hill opposite the parking area and within minutes we were treated to the first hash crash as Li’l Miss careened down the hill, peeled out at the bottom, calling out something along the lines of "Hey, check this out," and then did a quick little skid before plowing over his bike. It wasn’t pretty but it was a good sign of things to come. Soon, his dog Murphy and Toothy’s dogs came bounding along (a little more gracefully).

Spike and Shiggy were there with bikes. On the non-bike side were Dances and Just (oh, but not for long) Yianna. LOA and Floss came along in a flash new car looking mighty spiffy in post-r*ce attire, but without bikes. Road Kill made an unexpected appearance (for what promised to be a messy trail run with no promises of sheep on trail) in a shirt he proudly sewed together in his 8th grade home ec class, but also without a bike. The apparently long-absent Cracker Wacker (what do I know about who’s been long-absent or not?) made his appearance with virgin Just Chris in tow, both sporting bikes worth more than most of the cars at the start. Adding to the non-bike ranks is Just Gary from Owego (who had run with us before at the now-legendary Cortland swim club thing, and is probably wishing he hadn’t posted his address on the hash list the following Monday). Swing Low soon showed up, without a bike. And 1/2 Monty (no bike) drove up with Hershey at some point late in this pre-hash period.

Then Toothy piled her bike and her dogs into her car, said she was going to set the beer check, and wasn’t heard from again (I don’t know how out-in-the-open it is, though Li’l Miss was being pretty open about it, so I won’t say much, but congratulations Toothy and Fishy Fingers!). Then there was some babbling about marks on trail, everyone pounded their beers, and we were off.

We set off at snail’s pace, begrudgingly searching for marks along the "sigh" just past the start. Someone soon found trail heading uphill (of course), which is about when ET and Harry Condom, Jr. showed up (both also without bikes). Another "sigh" (or was it a check?) at the top of the hill split up the pack for a few minutes until the back check sent the FRBs back to where everyone else was standing around chatting. Check solved, the pack headed along trail for a while. Then at some point we headed into the woods for a bit, then, just before heading over a cliff, picked up another trail. Dances FRB’d for a while, with Wonderdog Murphy running up a storm, until we headed downhill for a bit and to a stream and … the first beer check (and there was much rejoicing … so, that’s why Dances was running so darned fast). As the hares had predicted, trail was slower and harder for the bikers than for those of us on foot, but in general, the pack was pretty tight, with enough mud and branches slowing the bikers down.

We stood around drinking and chatting, while some of us wondered why the area looked so familiar (apparently, it was the sight of Phil McCracken and Vibrator’s pre-nup party / campout). Then, from on high on the trail, along came Puker and … several minutes later … Ball Wrinkle. Apparently, Rowdy was with him at the start, but we waited a while and there was no sign of her, so after some more standing around drinking, we were off.

There was more running and biking. More mud. More checks and sighs. More blackflies. And then another beer check. This one at what is known as Area 51, the beloved mountain bike haven. We stood around drinking and swatting the blackflies, marveling at the man-made ramps and bridges set up along the trail below, which excited some of the bikers among us and had others saying, basically, no f*cking way. And that’s when Jar Jar Twat made her appearance (on foot). She was alone, but grumbling about Bitch Squealer grumbling so much, and sure enough, BS soon showed up (or was that Bitch Squealer whining about Jar Jar? I forget). More drinking and chatting and blackfly swatting, and then Road Kill took his leave, saying he had to get to a vegan dinner that was happening shortly. Then we were off again, down to the ramps and logs set up for bikes. I,d say about half those on foot and a couple of bikers did some of the ramps, but mostly they were wasted on us.

Great trail, though. So nice, in fact that some of the foliage got ET and BW comparing notes about the sizes of their flowers, which seemed to greatly impress Harry Condom, Jr. We ran and biked for a while more (I have no idea where all we went) and then came along the elusive Rowdy Bush. She seemed confused and lost, having run the start of the trail and then picking up the end and running it backwards for a while. Well, Floss picked her up, turned her around, and all was well with the world again. More running and biking until at last we were on the ridge Toothy and Li’l Miss had descended from at the start (and there was much rejoicing). I don’t think anyone crashed too badly this time, and soon we were standing around the cars drinking and generally enjoying ourselves.

Talk of the r*ce earlier that day soon revealed that not only had LOA greatly outshot Floss (it was a biathlon), but all three female medal-winners were among us, for which they would soon drink. Oh, what the heck, let’s just jump to that, since not much happened while we stood around chatting except Just (not for long) Yianna did her jumping bean impression in the few mud puddles close enough to everyone to ensure maximum effect. The only other thing of note was that Road Kill’s car was still there (if you were paying attention you will recall he had left the pack a long while before and should have been enjoying some broccoli rabe with shallots by now. Instead, it would appear he was having an extended murky moment or was dead. There was talk about going to look for him, but the circle hadn’t really even started yet … so it would have to wait.)

So, down downs: Toothy was long gone but Li’l Miss drank for the shitty trail. Li’l Miss and some others (Shiggy?) drank for hash crash. Shiggy and Floss drank for a murky moment involving her bike seat and his hand. LOA, Rowdy, and Harry Condom, Jr. drank for their r*acing prowess. Just Chris drank for being a virgin, along with his pardner in crime, Cracker Wacker. Jar Jar and Bitch Squealer both drank for whining. BW and Rowdy (or was it Jar Jar and Bitch Squealer) drank for being BLABs. I can’t remember who the BLEAB was (Dances and Just Yianna?), but they drank. Spike drank for never setting trail and some other offense (?). I drank for Comes Lately. BW drank for mixing some Becker non-alcoholic beer in with the good stuff.

Pretty much everyone drank for something, and for some reason, almost every single down down was to the tune of Horses Ass. Somewhere in the middle of the proceedings, Road Kill came shuffling along the road. Apparently, he’d turned the right way, then "corrected" himself, then figured out he was actually heading the wrong way, and finally found the right way and eventually made it back. Or so he said. I think he found a poor helpless lamb them there in those deep dark woods and had his way with it. Which is why he drank for his extended murky moment. And, finally, there was the renaming of Just Yianna. It seems she has a way with finding ping pong balls. Or they seem to find their way into her. And so, after much debate, she was duly christened Ping Pong Pussy.

A few of us on-aftered to the Crooked Board and that was that. Sorry if I forgot anyone or anything … On Out.